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Female breadwinner - tough decision on expanding family

5 replies

Misssparkles2 · 19/04/2026 13:47

I love my partner he’s amazing and so lovely. He wants to have a baby and she do I (I already have one toddler). But I can’t help but be anxious about how it would work.

for context: I earn double his salary and we are both full time. Good thing is he has school holidays off as he works in education. The more negative thing is I WFH and in terms of makin adjustments in career for a new child. Only my job would be the one that could do this. The problem is I earn the most so we need my income to survive. He said he will get another job but I need him to be home as soon as his contracted day ends, which he doesn’t like doing, as he likes to work extra unpaid hours to show he’s keen. But realistically I need him home so I can finish my work day and hours.

my worries: my capacity is going to drop with another child and that’s eventually going to effect how I show up at work with energy etc. we don’t own a home and live in quite a run down area as it cheap. but it’s not the place I would want our children playing outside in . I question with an additional child how we gonna make a mortgage deposit to get out. Also for context I have the most savings which will naturally be dipped into to fund getting baby stuff etc.

I would love another child without all the worries it would be amazing to. but how is this doable without me taking a massive hit as selfish as it sounds.

has anyone else been the female breadwinner and how have you made it work especially as he’s not going to want to be a SAHD and can’t change hours?

Basically just need some advice and opinions.

OP posts:
pikkumyy77 · 19/04/2026 13:49

Let him get another job that pays enough and has good hours before you decide to expand the family. If the money doesn’t add up you simply can’t afford to give him his fantasy child.

Misssparkles2 · 19/04/2026 13:51

pikkumyy77 · 19/04/2026 13:49

Let him get another job that pays enough and has good hours before you decide to expand the family. If the money doesn’t add up you simply can’t afford to give him his fantasy child.

He loves his job and doesn’t want to change jobs. He wants to stay in the one he’s in as his main one an suggested getting an additional job

OP posts:
FeelingALittleWoozyHere · 19/04/2026 14:03

I earn twice as much as my DH and it only really works for us as he takes on the lions share of the parenting etc including food shopping, cooking etc. When the kids were younger neither of us had super flexible jobs (although we both did condensed hours so had one day off a week) - we used alot of wrap around care (the oldest was usually in nursery from 07.30 to 17.30 for 3 days a week, then in breakfast and after school clubs once at school).

Post covid we are both more flexible but he takes the hit with sorting the kids in the morning, getting them to school, picking them up then logging back on. I need to be more present at work and log on by a certain time etc

I would be worried about him being unwilling to compromise by eg coming straight home after school and it sounds like you really need to consider the financial side

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Truetoself · 19/04/2026 14:15

He can’t have his cake and eat it. You need to decide together the compromises that are required in order to facilitate you having a second child. His compromise cannot be that he is out of the house more and if he is, can he organise someone else to do his bit? Even if you need to pay someone for a few years it would be worth it if it enables career progression. If both are not willing to compromise then I guess you have other priorities.

Ilmiocompleanno · 19/04/2026 17:25

How old are you, OP? Are you in a now or never situation re a second child or could you reasonably decide, "Not right now but maybe in three years' time."

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