Why do people ignore their friends who have been widowed?

[MinnieMountain]

I'm asking for someone I know from swimming.

She's very recently been widowed. She's in her 60's. She was telling me today that people she knows from things like bingo just ignore her now. It's understandably upset her on top of everything else, so I said I'd have a think.

I don't think she has any particular friends outside of the activities she does. There are no DC.

Can anyone shed any light?

She has started going to a group of bereaved people. And we're all friendly at the lido, but it's the people she would normally socialise with ignoring her that's, understandably, upset her.

Something similar is when you separate from your partner, one of your circle will zoom in on him.

That is very depressing.

I was widowed last year. No one has ignored me, in fact the opposite. Friends, family and neighbours have all come forward to offer me support and help.

Well, aren’t I a fool? I assumed it’s because people feel too awkward.
Those friends that do still, occasionally, keep in touch never mention DH or ask how I’m doing, It’s like he never existed. Even my own family change the subject if I bring him up. I had no idea it’s because they think I’m going to steal their husbands!

This is not the same situation at all and I don’t wish to imply that it is comparable, but when I got divorced some people treated me quite oddly. My close friends were really good and supportive but I lost all the less close ones, the ones that were sort of in between acquaintances and close friends. I think some people don’t know how to relate to a single woman, and may feel threatened or even jealous by the new found “freedom” they think the other woman has. A lot of it is subconscious, I think.

A pp mentioned widowers. It’s definitely not the same for them. Any number of women will turn up at their door with a home-cooked casserole in the weeks following bereavement 😉

It’s the patriarchy. Men have higher value.

My friendship group has certainly changed since I was widowed in my 60s. We used to go out with several other couples, but they have drifted away. It is understandable- having one single person changes the dynamic.
I am lucky to still have friends from when my children were small, and we meet up without partners.
I have also made a new group of friends at the Leisure Centre, including several other widows who I socialise with.
Losing your husband changes your world forever.

@decorationday , It's not everyone obviously but I've seen it a few times.

@OverFiftyWearyWidow, good friends and family won't turn their back on you.
I think some people just feel awkward and avoid the person grieving.

My mother had to almost drop one friend because they were both grieving but Jane's husband had died a couple of years before Dad, and Mum felt that she was being treated as Jane's counsellor when Mum had her own grief to deal with.

Thank you for all the replies. They have been really helpful.