Would you report concerns about possible neglect in the family?

[neutralfoxx]

i made a post on a different thread about my husbands niece who came to stay with us last minute and wet the bed. A few comments brought to light how it is unusual for a 10 year old to still be wetting the bed and that is “can” be a sign of CSA. It did me thinking and I discussed with my husband. We know that she started wetting herself around 2 years ago. There was one occasion they were coming to our house to visit. Her mum, the 10 year old girl and her older brother. On this occasion she apparently wet herself in the car and her mum was very angry so they went home. that was the first we heard of her wetting herself. She has slept over at our house on a few occasions and did once wet the bed and then only recently it happened again. We thought she might have outgrown it as her mum hadn’t mentioned anything about pull ups for bed etc.
i do feel sad for the girl, she is 10 now but some school girls now act older than they are and id say she does try to act older than she is. She has cried in my arms before saying her mum hates her. Her mum isn’t great, she’s got a temper and always ditching her kids here there and everywhere. We often take care of them but as her kids are getting older (her son is 15) sometimes she leaves them home alone. The girl goes between her mum and dad’s house, one night at mums one night at dad’s repeat. Don’t know much about her dad other than that he had social services involved as he attempted to strangle his teenage son. Her mum has had many boyfriends who she has let into the kids lives and then they have split up and the kids are affected by this as I know the girl has been close with some of these “step father figures”. Her mum is very irresponsible with money and always asking people to borrow money and she has thousands of pounds of debts and always being cut off her phone or has no money for gas/electric but somehow always has a holiday booked abroad. When I am writing it out i do feel the children are neglected but also why does it feel wrong to report? I don’t want to report and be completely in the wrong. There are also many days where the children don’t get fed, the daughter told her dad was annoyed because some days he would pick her up from her mums house and she won’t have eaten all day which does raise alarm bells. Would you report this, I don’t even know how you report. I would want to stay anonymous. There is a whole
lot more to this. I also don’t know how you would spot the signs of CSA. What is the right thing to do?

Listen to your gut.

What’s the right thing to do?

Are you kidding?

Report to children’s services, asap. Poor girl.

What would happen? Would they ever find out who reported? Would the children be taken away?

Definitely report. These are serious concerns and frankly you would be negligent if you didn’t. Report anonymously if you wish.

Yes, you should be able to do an anonymous referral. Then someone will do an assessment and decide where to go from there.

I would also think hard about how much help you are actually prepared to offer.

Harshly, it sounds as though this little girl’s best chance is coming to live with you. That doesn’t make it the best thing for you, and there need to be family discussions about what you are prepared to offer.

Definitely report to social services as it may allow dots to be joined.
Reporting to social services

Oh my goodness OP. The poor girl.
I agree with pp you really need to report your concerns.

Do you think they would be better in care? Or live with you? Or are you hoping SS will help their mother? Could you speak to the school?

Bloody hell - this girl has an awful life. Report asap or you are failing her too.

That poor little girl. Yes you need to report.

"Should I continue to ignore concerning signs about my nieces wellbeing when I'm well aware that Dad is already involved with SS, her behaviour is full of red flag and I know my sister is not adequately caring for her because I feel a bit icky and disloyal to contact social services to check whether my niece needs intervention"

It's not about your feelings about guilt. It's about your niece's wellbeing and safety.

Which are you prioritising here?

Some questions shouldn't need to be asked.

And your husband’s view on the situation?

Your other thread wasn’t concern about your neice. It was asking if you would be unreasonable to refuse her staying at your house overnight until she stopped wetting the bed!

My advice would be to have an open door for your niece and nephew.
Just be there for them. You son’t have to make special arrangements at your house, but let them know they are always welcome. Have rules too, that will e helpful for them
I would also contact social services and tell them your concerns, maybe contact the schools too, do they can keep an eye out.
Their lives sound chaotic, no excuse for trying to strangle your child.

If SS are already aware of the family my priority would be about making sure your niece has a safe environment at your house that she feels able to access and speak freely within.

Report.

If you have concerns, always report them. Rather there are 99 investigations done and found to be no issues than 1 not done and something terrible missed- in my opinion anyways.

They can investigate, they don’t just immediately take children from their parents that is an absolute last resort.

Other concerns may have been raised elsewhere so your report could add to the bigger picture that helps result in meaningful action.

or SS will have concerns on their record if others then also go on to raise them.

Either way you must report all you know and don’t hold back.