I literally cannot stop worrying. I can't stop worrying about the future and what it might hold. Nothing makes me happy and I feel utterly miserable all of the time.
Main worries are about me or my health. I'm terrified I will die suddenly, in my sleep, any time if day really. Terrified I'll get an illness. Terrified to go out in the car, to go shopping. Even to clean and tidy up in case it triggers something and I drop dead. I worry about lots of different things but these are the worst.
I'm not sleeping, I'm not eating. I've started avoiding eating foods I or ally would in case I'm suddenly allergic. I'm overweight so I don't know is I'm making myself like this subconsciously. I put all my focus into my DS who has special needs but that in itself is a trigger because I'm always thinking what will happen to him if I die.
I've started fixating on the news, worrying about war, fixating on space, worrying about astroids. All sorts. I know it sounds ridiculous but I can't help it.
I do have diagnosed OCD and anxiety but it's never ever been like it is now. I am medicated but it just doesn't seem to work.
I don't know what to do, I'm at the end of my tether. I know im wasting my life worrying so much. But I can't seem stop. It's got to the point now where I don't want to be home alone in case something happens, but equally I don't want to go out in case something happens. Ofc I keep getting lots of physical symptoms, dizzy, ringing in ears, aches, palpitations, chest pains, vision changes etc which reinforces my fears I'll die soon.
I don't have anyone to talk to or to tell about this and I'm scared of I go back to the Dr and be really hin ta that they will call social services. My DS isn't at any risk at all though. I just know what to do.