How to process this…

[Littleyellowhut]

There are forty bin bags of stuff and a skip ordered for the weekend for more stuff, yet to be decided. This is my parent’s home. We grew up here. I’m a daughter and joint executor. How could my siblings decide what was important to me without my input? It was a last minute meeting up which I couldn’t attend. They are expecting praise - I feel a range of emotions over this, but none of them good. Where to go from here?

Ah I feel for you.

So they planned to pack and they did pack, but you couldn't attend and now you have been locked out of looking at everything, choosing what goes where and just the general 'packing up' goodbye experience.

How come you couldn't attend?
Did anyone suggest waiting for a time you could attend?
Is it all done and dusted, or could you go through some of the boxes?
Did they save you anything?
Do they get where you are coming from?

I'm in this exact boat funny enough - I am a new wife to a man in his 50s, whose father is moving in with us and I cannot WAIT. But they were all procrastinating about the work that needed doing. So I arranged a day, went round and helped him get started. It wasn't long before I thought, I can't give this away without my husband's sister being involved. Luckily she came round then and there. I have facilitated everyone being involved, even the grandkids, letting them know to go and check it all out before any final actions are taken.

In your shoes they could have waited.

I think you might go round and make peace with the items, and sit in the changed space and make sure you get time to say goodbye x

They didn’t plan to pack. It was a last minute meet up. I’ve asked where certain things might be and was told they didn’t exist or that they’d be in bin bags or that things I’d want had been put aside. I was shamed for the sentimental things I wanted. What I thought was going to be an hour or two meet up turned into a full on blitzing exercise. No call to say things had changed. No call to ask if anything I wanted. Insistence that skips ordered and to be filled with more stuff straight away. Panic to sell car immediately to make room for extra skip.

I understand why you’re upset, I can also understand why they just wanted to get on with it if there was a lot to clear. My parents cleared and moved out of the family home and didn’t tell anyone until the day before they left the house. No chance to look at stuff or choose anything. It’s hurtful but tbh it also stopped my house being full of stuff I had an attachment to and no use for. I ultimately took it as a blessing in disguise.