How to make time to see your friends when they are all separate ie different friendship groups?

[Daffilly]

I work FT and have DH, DC & elderly parents. I also have my own hobbies and like nights to collapse on the sofa, type of thing.

Im struggling to fit in seeing all my different friendship groups, alongside working, caring, spending time with family, having my own time, running the house & hobbies.

How does everyone else manage ?

I go out of my way to see my closest friend regularly.

The others I kind of alternate.

Sometimes I take a random half-day off work and meet someone for lunch.

If I've a significant amount of time off work, I try to catch up with people. I'd a week off work at Easter, and I messaged a few people in advance, saying, "So, do you wanna meet up". I might meet two or three people over that week. My DC is an adult now, but I did this even when she was small. Sometimes I had to bring DD and warn the friend, "Right, we've probably a good hour before she'll get bored with her toys/colouring book etc. Tell me all your news". This is probably when she was seven or eight years old though, not when she was three.

If I haven't seen someone for a while, I'll ring them or send them a WhatsApp, asking how they are and telling them my news. Or send a Facebook meme - "saw this and thought of you", type thing. It's nowhere near as good as a meet up in person, but it's a way of keeping in contact and keeping the friendship going.

I had a casual friend at work and she left a few years back. She has three kids (I have one) and hers are younger than mine. We don't live anywhere near each other. Anytime something happened at work, I'd message her to tell her, and we'd exchange news and photos of the kids etc. We finally met up earlier this year. We calculated that it had been 7 years since she left work! Those occasional WhatsApp messages and photos had kept our friendship alive all that time. When we parted, we agreed that it would probably be ages before we meet up again. In the meantime, we'll keep up with the WhatsApp messages and photos.

I know it's really difficult when you're juggling so many balls. But it's important to keep those friendships going. At some point, your DC will grow up and fly the nest. Sadly, your parents may pass away. In my case, my husband left me. You might look around one day and wonder where your friends went and why you're so lonely. Anyway, sounds like I'm preaching to the converted and you're looking at ways to avoid that.

I have them come round for an ordinary not special dinner. Sometimes they come and cook me dinner which is obviously optimal. Basically instead of it being a separate activity, I include them in what I'm already doing. So that might mean a few coming round for a midweek dinner, or one coming out to a National Trust with my aged parents, or going for a walk or run with another, or even in really time pressed years doing our cleaning, supermarket or pharmacy pickups together.

When I was really under it, in those years, I just wasn't able to have the kind of long focused talking and drinking times that I had thought of as closeness in friendship. But actually I found that just being together, living our lives together, was enough and I have very strong friendships now.

When my friend and I were in The thick of small children and just existing as she used to put it I would go to her house and she would do her tumble drying and fold her laundry. Now those kids are in their early twenties and now it’s nice long uninterrupted lunches and whole days out,

Many of my friends are geographically dispersed. One group, we chat most days, but actually meeting happens a couple of times a year, because of coordinating calendars. Also, if I'm travelling about the country, I often try and meet up with people in that area, e.g. friends in Yorkshire or Newcastle or near Manchester, because I can't do those trips easily (I'm in the south.)

For me, it is mostly planning ahead and making definite plans because otherwise, everyone is just too busy. It is getting easier again now we're of an age where the children are at uni and people don't have to consider childcare of if you also have to factor in the children's activities and lifts.

I've had to accept that I see people less frequently than I would like.
With one group we've set up a regular video call as it's easier than meeting in person, so we get to see some of the people some of the time.

With all the groups, we basically given up on organising days everyone can come and just go with the majority.

With closer friends, where it's possible with our working days, we'll try to squeeze in lunch as it impinges less on other things.

Mostly, it's just making a point of setting dates; otherwise it's so easy to let things slide and realise you've not spoken for months - have lost a few friends that way.