Not really sure if this is the place to post this but here goes. Trigger warning contains CSA- my mum and biological father broke up before I was born. When I was 2 she married Steve (not real name). They went on to have two more children . Steve was a very high functioning alcoholic-good job etc but drank half a bottle of whiskey most nights. As the years went on his drinking got worse
He was very emotionally abusive- me and my siblings were all terrified of him. He was occasionally physically abusive too. Steve had a bad childhood himself- his mum committed suicide when he was a toddler and his dad was also an alcoholic/had autism- basically he didnt know how to parent whatsoever and Steve was much the same
Not excusing Steve's behaviours by the way, just giving a full picture. Anyway, when I was a teenager I got pregnant. From this moment, almost overnight Steve became sexually inappropriate with me. Never touched me but from the ages of 17-21 he became fixated on me, used to tell me how beautiful I was, he would tell me inappropriate stories of his (extra marital) sex life, asked me to pose naked for a photoshoot. It eventually escalated to the point where he offered me money for sex. Of course I declined all of this and I eventually told my mum. I didn't tell her prior as I was still scared of Steve. During this period Steve was also arrested and convicted of possessing indecent images of children. His name was plastered all over news articles and social media. He (rightly) lost his job, was a pariah and he had to move away. Him and my mum separated but she took him back some time later as he stopped drinking, had attended (court mandated) sex offenders sessions etc. There's a few other reasons she took him back but they're very outing so I'll not say..I completely disagreed with her choice but I understood she was between a rock and a hard place. For years I struggled to forgive her but I finally made my peace with it about a year ago- please no comments about how she failed me- we've had many of these discussions and it's taken a long time to heal . I have essentially low to no contact with Steve. I don't let my kids around him etc. Due to my shame around Steve, I've never disclosed to my partner his conviction. He knows we're estranged and I've alluded to sexual abuse but never told the whole story partly due to shame and partly fear of being judged. If Steve's name were to be googled, his conviction would come up (it happened in 2010). My brother was dating a girl recently who dumped him when she found out about Steve's conviction as my brother was still (reluctantly) living in the family home, so he was tarnished by association. He also dislikes Steve but us on a low income and can't afford to live anywhere else. My partner and I are getting married and we have to fill out the marriage forms. I'm dreading him seeing Steve's full name (Steve has always used his middle name) as if he were to look it up the whole thing would come out and I find it incredibly triggering and shameful. He's never met Steve by the way, nor will he ever, Steve is obviously not invited to the wedding. My question is, do you have to submit the details of your legal father or can this be left blank? I feel like Steve has robbed me of so much and I'm furious that he is impacting what should be a happy time. The while situation is opening up a lot of old wounds so please be kind in the replies.