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Original poster

is this too much ?

13 replies

foomooo · 14/04/2026 15:17

Friend and I have a shopping day planned for next Saturday. We will head into Manchester city centre and hit the shops and have lunch. My friend is also asking me if I fancy getting together the night before too. There is no specific reason for this, other than I suspect she just needs to fill her time (I'm sure I'll get flamed for saying that). I see no point in meeting up the night before we are due to spend the whole day together, when there is no real specific reason/event.

Not a biggie. I've politely told her no to meeting up the night before and she was fine. I just think the ask is a bit inconsiderate when I have x2 DC at home <9 and a DH and I'm with her all day the following day ?

yeah I know she was 'only' asking ..

OP posts:
TurboGirl2 · 14/04/2026 15:20

It's not inconsiderate for her to want to spend time with you.

youalright · 14/04/2026 15:20

It depends has she travelled from away and you never see her and will otherwise be sat in a hotel room or do you live near each other and see each other regularly. If its the latter I agree with you.

Original poster
foomooo · 14/04/2026 15:21

@youalright we live 2 streets away from each other

OP posts:
Condbottle · 14/04/2026 15:23

I think a night out is a completely different animal to a shopping trip, so if that's how diaries worked out, I don't think it would be too much just because the convenient dates for the two different outings were concurrent.

Original poster
foomooo · 14/04/2026 15:26

@Condbottle For the night before, it would be very low key dinner/drinks in .. maybe out but again very low key. Not a 'night out' in any sense.

Edited to add - there was recently a thread on something to do with going out/seeing friends. Someone said something like if the invite from the friend was going to the pub for just a casual chat about x/y/z then what was the point when they could just as well stay at home on the sofa and do that with DH. I may not have conveyed the right flavour for that, but that was the jist of it.

OP posts:
youalright · 14/04/2026 15:27

foomooo · 14/04/2026 15:21

@youalright we live 2 streets away from each other

Then i agree with you its to much

ThirdStorm · 14/04/2026 15:28

I'm find this a bit OTT too especially given you live close by and presumably see plenty of each other.

shhblackbag · 14/04/2026 15:31

foomooo · 14/04/2026 15:26

@Condbottle For the night before, it would be very low key dinner/drinks in .. maybe out but again very low key. Not a 'night out' in any sense.

Edited to add - there was recently a thread on something to do with going out/seeing friends. Someone said something like if the invite from the friend was going to the pub for just a casual chat about x/y/z then what was the point when they could just as well stay at home on the sofa and do that with DH. I may not have conveyed the right flavour for that, but that was the jist of it.

Edited

It's still very different to a shopping trip and lunch. She's not inconsiderate. You can say no, which presumably you have done.

Feelingworried26 · 14/04/2026 15:31

She would like to meet up for the extra evening, you can't spare the time from other priorities. Nobody is wrong.

Pancakeflipper · 14/04/2026 15:34

It's just an idea - just an offer....

She might think you fancy a night out.

Does this friend make you overthink suggestions for a particular reason ?

Original poster
foomooo · 14/04/2026 15:44

I overthink suggestions because I feel like she is just looking to fill her time. A day shopping with a friend is a lovely day out and a common thing for friends to do ... but suggesting meeting up several times a week and sometimes on consecutive nights ''just because'' ... ?

OP posts:
Condbottle · 14/04/2026 15:51

foomooo · 14/04/2026 15:44

I overthink suggestions because I feel like she is just looking to fill her time. A day shopping with a friend is a lovely day out and a common thing for friends to do ... but suggesting meeting up several times a week and sometimes on consecutive nights ''just because'' ... ?

Edited

I find your attitude really odd. If this is a friend surely the meeting up/chat is the main attraction, more important than what you'll actually do together.

Also your remarks about if you're just staying in for a chat you may as well do that with DH.

Either you have a very different approach to relationships or you don't actually like this friend.

ComtesseDeSpair · 14/04/2026 16:00

She had some free time and thought it would be nice to spend it with you. You don’t feel as though you have the free time because you don’t want to leave your DC with your husband for the evening. She asked, you answered, all was well. Tying yourself up in knots about thinking she was inconsiderate to even suppose you might want to see her two days in a row is just nonsense.

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