What action should school take over ongoing bullying of my son?

[MrTiddlesTheCat]

What would you expect to be done in this situation?

DS is in year 7 but is a year younger than the rest of his class. He's just come home between lessons and is really upset. Turns out that one particular boy in his class is bullying him. This includes mocking him for being autistic, mocking him for being gay (he isn't), and now throwing food at him in the canteen.

This is the first I've heard about this, but DS says it's been going on since he started school. He says a lot of the comments are made in class in front of teachers, who tell the other boy to stop, but he always starts again later.

I am absolutely livid. I've emailed the school and have received a reply saying they're going to talk to him, but that's not enough. He's been told many times and it makes no difference.

What would you want them to do if this was your child being targeted?

Has your son actually told the school that there is an issue? Comments in class will be dealt with then and there (as your son has reported to you) but unless your son has told staff it's a continuous problem they won't know as they will see multiple teachers each day unlike in primary school. If he has told teachers that he is being bullied then I'd want to arrange a meeting to discuss their anti bullying policy and the steps they are going to take to implement it. If he hasn't then he needs to speak to his teachers as well as you flagging it by email.

You say he's a year young. Is he just an august baby or is he at private school and accelerated? It's relevant because private schools have different levers to state schools. For example in a one form entry school they can't move either party to a different class.

As someone who was significant young for my year (March bday) if he is out of year group my advice is restart Y7 somewhere else next year. I know how crazy this sounds, because we had all these conversations when I was 9, how terribly important it was that I was kept stimulated and pushed in my studies. Academically I was fine but the social price was sky high, and got worse every year. Add autism into the mix, which will typically mean they're 2 years or more delayed in social & emotional development, and it's a recipe for misery. It's developmentally normal for autistic children to mix more easily with younger peers.

None of which makes the bullying acceptable of course. No child deserves to be bullied.

The school should have a bullying policy on their website that you can check.

Mocking your son for being gay, even if he isn’t should be treated extremely seriously - as seriously as racist bullying - by the school (I would expect a suspension).

Download the schools anti-bullying policy from their website. Mark up all the areas where they are failing your son and quote them in a detailed message to his teacher, head of year, head of safeguarding and headteacher, then request a meeting for this week to discuss their failures and their proposed remedy to meet their own policies.

Take notes in the meeting, record if possible and confirm what was said in the meeting in an email afterwards and schedule a follow up meeting for next week to discuss whether the actions they have taken have improved the situation or not.

If things don’t change, and swiftly, copy in the Governors and Ofsted into your next email, detailing the bullying, how the school failed to protect your son, the minutes of your meeting with the school, their proposed remedies and how they did not meet them.

Basically you have to make it easier for them to protect your child than deal with you and the onslaught of paperwork which accompanies your discussions with them.

We're in Sweden where they start formal school at 6. DS is academically gifted so his school decided to move him up from the nursery to formal school at 5. That's followed him through to secondary. He's still 12, will be 13 in a few months, and most of the kids in his class have already turned 14.

I feel a bit better now. DS came home from school a lot happier. His mentor has spoken to him and he's happy that she means business when she reassured him she's dealing with it.

Also DS said that unprompted the mates of the mean kid came and found him and apologised for not stopping him. Today's escalation seems to have opened their eyes. Hopefully positive peer pressure will have an effect.

That sounds promising.