How to handle a frosty team member in a new job

[BlueOtter9]

Started a new job. It’s middle leadership. I’m on day 2 but I have been in before and met the team. I’ve had one particular staff member just show a really frosty reception to me. I’m old enough to have been to a few work places to know there’s always one.

I’ve been polite, but there’s no eye contact, no hello, I’m new so I would assume people would at least want to try being welcoming. I recall arriving and someone say “say hi to blueotter9” and this person said “yeah already did” they in fact, did not.

Then I was on my own in the office today. They walked in, no hello or hey, got what they needed and walked out.

I have made enough effort to say hi but it’s just not well recieved. I sort of just want to leave them to it. I’m not line managing them, but they are part of the team I’m in so I’m not sure

"Its not you, its them". I think give them a wide berth for now there is obviously something else going on. They wanted the job you got type thing? Build your relationships with everybody else and maybe they will mellow a bit.

It sounds like you could benefit from some training in neuro diversity. Is any available?

I would also guess they wanted your job. Just continue to be polite to the difficult team member and focus building relationships with others

That’s a huge leap and quite condescending. The person could just be rude, many people are

You can’t control their behaviour. Carry on being polite and saying hello etc (definitely if they are in your team) just temper your expectations. Sounds like they aren’t being rude, they’re just not engaging with you. They could be ND but then again they might not be. Just be the bigger person and try not to let it get to you

Agreed. This comment is also suggesting that all neurodivergent people are rude (which is amazingly rude). Perhaps @didntlikeanyofthesuggestions could source some training for herself - is there any available?

Honestly, I do wish people would stop claiming that neurodivergence is everywhere. It isn’t. Relatively few people are ND and in my experience (which is broad) few are rude enough not to acknowledge and welcome a new colleague.

Oh do bore off.

Would you also recommend the person she's referring to gets diagnosed before this happens? Or that the person gets training in how to say hello to new staff?

Same applies to the frosty colleague. Manners and politeness are free the last time I checked.

I think you hit the nail etc when you said, there is always one.

It is not nice but it is also nothing to do with you. When we are new, we are full of beans and refreshed and looking to get stuck in. They just come in again on the Nth bloody Monday morning to find a new face they couldn't care less about.

FFS

Oh do behave, even ND people are capable of being polite, its all part of masking, which they must be able to do if they are already working there.

If its perceived as frosty rather than shy, id say she wanted your job.

Just treat them the same way you would any other colleague. Say hello/ goodbye etc, and just internally roll your eyes at them and let them get on with it. No need to worry about it.

Not all ND people in the workplace mask in that way. I don't. But I'm polite because I'm at work and it's what is expected, and i also like when everyone feels comfortable around everyone else they have to share space with. I might bond with you over your love of [obscure interest] rather than with smalltalk and that isn't quite what I would call masking.

Poor op - this took a turn!

Ignoring the derail…

I would be breezily polite and act like I was completely oblivious to any frostiness or rudeness. She will get bored eventually.

What on earth are you talking about?