Anyone else feel they're not doing enough for their kids?

[NewHereAsking]

I don’t really know what I’m asking, but I feel quite overwhelmed with this at the moment and wondered if anyone else feels the same.

I’ve always had some struggles with my mental health, so I don’t know if that’s part of it, but recently I’ve become really anxious about whether I’m providing “enough” for my children.

On paper, things are fine. We live in a nice house in a nice area. It’s safe, comfortable, and we have a small patio. But I can’t shake this feeling that it’s not good enough. I worry the house is too small, that the kids don’t have enough space, that they must feel bored or even a bit claustrophobic at home.

I take them out a lot (parks, etc.), but even then I get this strange empty feeling, like it’s still not fun enough for them. I constantly question whether they’re actually enjoying themselves or if I should be doing more.

I think part of it is comparing to my own childhood. I was lucky enough to grow up in a big house with lots of land with a pool - we always had people over...and I keep thinking my children are missing out somehow. Even things like my 7yo’s bedroom suddenly feel “too small” in my head.

I just have this constant underlying guilt that I’m not giving them the life they should have.

Does anyone else get these thoughts? And if so, how do you stop them spiralling a bit?

Thankyouchat

I think that feeling is part of being a parent. Anyone know when it stops?

Maybe frame it in your mind that 99% of kids in this county probably have a very similar life, home, upbringing to your own kids. The vast majority do not live in big houses with pools, most of us are just normal people like you.

you probably feel this way due to your own upbringing but try not to compare. You’re doing just fine

If you had lived in a similar house when growing up you probably wouldn’t feel like this.

They don’t know an alternative possible life.

If they are fine then it’s fine.

I worried my ds didn't have enough social opportunities. I did my best, play dates, ASC, school residential trips, sports club. My ds had a good time but didn't seem to make strong friendships on any of them.

Then as a teen he got a job working in a leisure centre and suddenly friendships are the easiest thing on the planet. 🤗

Sometimes you have to let them find their feet and go at their own pace.

Thankyou everyone this is all true - I think it's my own anxiety more than anything - and I need to learn to deal with that somehow.. I just seem to really be panicking about it at the moment and wondering if anyone else gets the same..??

Yes, I'm experiencing it today! I'm a single mum of a teen boy, working also and I feel like I'm not doing enough for him. He spends lots of time in his room and has missed school today, which is what triggered it. Feel like work and household stuff is taking up all my attention and I'm failing him somehow! You're not alone

I think you need to deal with your own anxiety. Sounds like your kids have a lot more than many children in the UK and the world.

Too small, claustrophobic, not enough fun,

You’re not talking about your house you’re talking about yourself. You fear you are not enough.
Possibly because your standards were set very high through your childhood. Most people don’t have what you had and they’re fine.

@TeaBiscuitsNaptime I'm sorry you're experiencing it too! I'm sure you're doing amazing 🙌 ! Teenagers are reeeeaallly tricky and I think most of them just want privacy - and them pushing away their parents is an important part to them gaining independence..but it sounds like you are a great mum and he's very lucky to have you.
@Peonies12 I think you're right 🙏 Thankyou

@GoldenCupsatHarvestTime thankyou, I think you're right too! I think you're right .. I was really spoiled as a child and look where that got me!!