Do you choose your late teen boys clothes?

[1newname]

This is silly I know but I have self esteem issues!

Both of my DSs have no interest in clothes, to the point they wear the same things all the time. I would like to get them new stuff but I can't choose for them anymore (I don't know what's cool for an 18 year old...) but I feel guilty. Ds2 makes the odd comment and has come home a couple of times wearing his friends stuff but he will not go clothes shopping or even look online. Part of me feels terrible because they aren't 'trendy' like their friends, but also if they were that bothered they should do something about it.

Do you choose your 17-20 year old boys clothes? I was very independent so it's alien to me

The thing is I hate clothes shopping, even for myself! And I'm not good at knowing what's in fashion. There are things I think would look good on him and he doesn't like it. I really think they need to find their own style at this age. I was fine choosing their clothes until about 14!

We do have these conversations but at the end of the day if they're not bothered, you can't make them be! It's not all in the hands of the parents...

Obviously you can't dictate what an older teen wears, but there's quite a lot of room between choosing their clothes for them and taking no interest at all. Clothes do matter, and our social path is eased by the clothes we choose to wear. It sounds to me as though your boys would like to be a bit more stylish than they are, but they don't have the knowledge or confidence to know what to buy themselves. Dressing stylishly is a skill like any other. Some people seem to pick it up effortlessly while others don't. I helped my own older teenage boy with a couple of pointers, and I drafted in his older sister to help when my advice might not have been up to scratch. He isn't a fashionista, and he does not enjoy clothes shopping, but I think it is a part of parenting to support your child to be appropriately dressed - whatever that means to them.

@1newname Hopefully he will mature when he needs to then. I agree there’s not much you can do but young men don’t help themselves do they?

No of course I don't think autistic people shouldn't marry.. Would you make the same sort of joke about a girl who didn't dress in the 'correct' way to attract a man?

Also @MeetMeOnTheCorner do you not think parents of autistic boys who don't care about their appearance or who can't wear the 'correct' clothes for the situation i.e job interview not already spent their lives worrying about these things without you helpfully pointing it out.

One of the downsides of Mumsnet is that you'll always get responses that end up making you feel worse and doubting yourself more. I'm sure it's not intended to, but the very fact I'm posting here tells you it's something I'm worried about! I know image is important for getting a girlfriend, employability etc but there's no magic wand or parenting technique that works for all people. "Well I've always taught my dc the importance of this that and the other". Me too! It hasn't worked yet. Hopefully it's just a time issue

For my Autistic son ( let's try to remember that it's a spectrum and he will never be posting on a forum as he he is illiterate at 14). I get him.whats in fashion, what's universally always in fashion and plain staples. So Addidas, Nike, Hype, Hollister tops. Plain Primark joggers. Plain primark sweat tops. If when he goes into sheltered accommodation ( yes Autism is a gift but unfortunately it's a fact that some people either learning difficulties can not live independently with their gifts). Someone will be guiding him to shop then. He likes his branded clothes. He likes looking like every other 14 year old boy. His brothers prefer things with smaller brand logos. Vinted is your friend for brands

@1newname me too! I’ve always slipped the good word of advice, casually into conversations. Just waiting for the day something changes.
given his choice, he would live in pjs or joggers. He was never bothered about clothes from day one, although I did swap his supermarket briefs for Nike boxers a couple of years ago and I think he was chuffed with those. I ask friends what their sons are wearing as they are quite fashion savvy and look there

No, I’m just usually the mug who supplies the credit card ;)

My eldest is 13 and youngest 10. I can’t imagine they’ll ever choose their own clothes. They dictate a bit, but if left to their own devices they’d wear the same clothes forever and turn up in shorts that are too short and T-shirts with stains.

as they get older I’ll encourage independence around it, I’m trying to teach them budgeting and clothing will come under that.

Why are they not buying their own at that age? They should be learning to save and budget and shop for themselves.

No. My DS has strong opinions about trainers but clothes he could not care less about.
He is still wearing T shirts that he's had since he is 13 (he's now 20 and yes, has grown as much in that time as you'd expect) and are full of holes. He does not care. Well, he cares to the extent that he's bought a couple of newer branded T shirts and a decent pair of jeans, and he knows to wear them when he goes out with friends.

Up to him. He's the one wearing them.

I plan to 🤣 only because getting him to go shopping is a nightmare. At the moment I tends to give him my iPad signed in to next and tell him to “go shopping”. Nothing gets added to the basket! Did same with John Lewis, etc and doesn’t need/want anything. So I just buy it, neutral colours so he can mix and match.

Mind is one with no interest in fashion.
He can cook, clean, use a washing machine & dishwasher, iron.
He's smart, polite, fit and active. And yes, showers, gets hair cuts, uses soap, deodorant. And will wear smarter stuff if requested.
He also has a healthy savings account because he doesn't splurge it all on £150 trainers!

Yes, I reckon he will make a decent husband.

I try and take him shopping a couple of times a year to pick things.son has zero interest in clothes. My friend’s son was at our house last night and she is a fashion queen and her son was so put together in lovely clothes. I actually thought could I just give her the money to dress him 😆

My younger son started to get interested in clothes at 17 which I think was down to peer pressure. Before it was comfort over style but in 6th Form and now Uni I think there is clearly some discussion of clothing going on with his friends.

I help him with clothes shopping because he is visually impaired but he explains what he wants and I help him find it.

@EmbarrassmentLovesCompany “And will wear smarter stuff if requested” - so it’s not your DS I’m talking about is it? He’s normal! He understands what to wear and has options. I’m talking about the DS with no interest whatsoever!

No.
They had a clothing allowance and would ask for things like expensive shoes for Christmas/birthdays.

Yes, to an extent.

My DS is 17, has autism and wears mostly black joggers, T shirts and hoodies. He’s a heavy metal nerd so he likes that kind of look. He has no interest in faddy fashion or fitting in (thank goodness!).

I’ll buy his PJ’s, pants and socks and if I see something I think he’ll like, I’ll suggest it to him.

No way - mine choose their own clothes and have done since early teens. If they want to look cooler they need to take some responsibility!

@mamaduckbone Do you think the OP’s DS really wants to look cool? He might have a small interest in looking like his friends, but cool? Not sure he does or he would be more interested in spending money!