Do exes regret not making more effort after a breakup?

[ClawsandEffect]

Do you have an ex that hugely regretted not making more effort in their relationship with you after you ended it?

2 of my 3 LTR exes have felt this way. I loved them and was committed to them, but they took me for granted and just didn't give enough either emotionally or (in the case of ex husband) carry their share of the domestic / childcare weight.

Both of them were regretful for a very long time. The most recent one still comments on it.

I really think 2 things. If you'd wanted it to work, knowing that I was telling you what I needed, WHY didn't you change? And also, mate, it's your own fault! Own it.

Is this just a man thing or do women do this too?

With one @2gumsonly because we have a child together so have forced contact at times. The other, because he's a friend now. I've done the 'no contact' thing with exes in the past but not this one.

I’m confused how this comes up! I am in touch with some ex’s and not others but I don’t have deep, emotional conversations where the context would be right for anyone to say things like that.

Yes all three of them. Suddenly wanting to go to counselling after its way to late. I had to completely cut contact with them in the end especially DSs father. DS is grown up now so there is no reason for us to stay in touch.
The trouble is they just dont take you seriously until you've had enough and then its too late.

Your opening post says 2 of 3 and your following post says all 3. But anyway, why do you ask? Is this a source of self-esteem for you? Not trying to be rude! Just wondering why this is taking up brain space.

I don’t keep in contact with exes so no personal experience but I recently watched The Later Daters on Netflix (loved it - definitely recommend if you like those types of reality shows) & one of the men on there said it Op - said he wished he’d realised what he had with his ex-wife & had put more effort in when he had a chance, but too late now & no way would she have him back. It was a definite regret that he shared on camera.

You’re confusing two different posters.

It’s weird that you discuss this with them even if you do still see them. Also, they’ve told you they regret it, so they are ‘owning it mate’.

Ultimately everyone’s different, there’s no point dwelling on this years later. And of course some women do it too, we aren’t perfect either.

It's them reframing things so that they're the hapless victim. If you communicated in your relationship, they knew how you felt and what they were doing. They made the decision to not pull their weight, knowing it made you unhappy, stressed, whatever. They were too selfish and they still are.

Spineless and unattractive.

It’s what sits behind the male loneliness epidemic - men not pulling their weight and making no effort, and feeling aggrieved when they are asked to pull their weight, but of course then feeling blindsided when a woman realise her life is easier and typically less lonely without him

I don’t speak to exes. I’ve only ever gone out with people I felt very strongly about and that is not a recipe for translating into a casual friendly relationship afterwards.

No self-esteem at all! TBH the dodgy relationships I've had have put me off for life. A case of 'It's not them, it's me.'

I just wondered why men (or is it people in general?) just can't see where the deal breakers are until it's too late?

Quite often women stay too long in a relationship and tell their partner what’s wrong but don’t do anything about it when it continues. Men don’t need to change their fairly easy lives to step up and do more of there are no consequences. When women eventually leave that can be a lightbulb moment, obviously far too late.

Of my LTR’s, I’ve either had contact afterwards with my ex as we coparent or I’ve bumped into exes and most massively regret not listening and changing earlier when they realise too late what they’ve lost. Although sometimes it’s taken awful relationships after me for them to see my worth, sadly.
I’ve also bumped into an ex who didn’t come across as regretful at all, made no effort to initiate contact (neither did I) and he probably doesn’t regret our relationship ending. He certainly wouldn’t miss me or acknowledge his behaviour.

It doesn’t really matter either way, and it’s not a great use of time to dwell on the past.