So sad about this: pl help me feel better

[Paperbackwrither]

NC as I don't want this to connect to my previous posts.
In the pandemic, I wrote a non-fiction book. You won't have heard of it, but it was published by an indie press, did well in a small way, and is still in bookstores.

So far, so good. Today I am giving a talk about the book at a nice venue with other authors.
No one in my family or tiny circle of friends is coming.
One adult DC lives 3 hrs away in another city and is struggling a bit, so can't ask him.
One adult DC is incredibly busy with a punishing masters and has deadlines for assignments this weekend. ( she has come for previous events).
DH should be the one to come. But he and I are not getting along well at the moment, so he's not coming- we may well separate which makes me even sadder. Been married 28 years. That's a whole other thread.

My lovely mum and sibling live in another country ( I am not British by birth).
I have v few friends. Most are far away and can't spare the time or money. My closest friends from uni are in my country of origin.

So I will be speaking to a room full of strangers. I am not nervous about this as I have given so many talks, but I am deeply sad and feel like a failure that I have reached the grand old age of 54 with no one by my side to cheer me on. It's suddenly hit home.

I cannot tell you how hard it is to write a book and get it published.

You've done well to get a book published, OP, so clearly you are not a failure, but think of it this way..... this is your job now, so why would you expect your family to attend? If you were a teacher, doctor, lawyer, office worker etc etc you wouldn't have people there to "cheer you on"!

You have said you're not nervous, so this is a routine thing on a normal day.... no need for "cheerleaders".
I hope it goes well, and is one of many similar events.

This is a really good way of looking at it.

think of the thousands of people who write books and don’t get published. You have!! You should be very proud.

Congratulations, OP. All the slog of writing, editing, etc is a solitary process and as Flaubert said, "We write for unknown friends." Those are the people who will be there today. Enjoy!

Really sorry - it is hard when it feels like there's no-one to take joy in your achievements with you. Hope you can bond with the other writers and tell your mum, sibling and DC about it all afterwards.

And I guess I think that, although it's a room of strangers, they've felt enough if a connexion with you to want to come to the event; they may even feel they know you a bit if they have read the book. In some ways you aren't on your own.

You’ve done something amazing, something that many people dream of doing but few achieve. Don’t lose sight of that, you must be very proud. Make sure you enjoy the day.

Your sadness about the failing marriage is understandable, but don’t let it cloud your work success.

You are the antithesis of a failure. You've done something totally amazing! (Well, you've done many amazing things, not just writing a book. You raised children!) I get that you feel alone at this moment but I think that may be more to do with the breakdown in your marriage . You're feeling the lack of a supportive partner, which is completely understandable. It is sad that your children and other family members simply can't be there this time but they will undoubtedly be silently cheering you on wherever they are. They are proud of you and you're meeting a whole roomful of people today who think you're awesome! YOU have earned their admiration and respect - try to enjoy it for those few hours. An unsupportive husband doesn't deserve to bask in your reflected glory.

Congratulations OP on getting published and giving a talk. 🎊 👏 🥳
As PPs have said, no one turns up for when we're promoted, given a raise, employee of the month or such.

Hopefully they've been supportive prior and will continue to be after you share how it all went.

Be proud and enjoy the talk.

You’ve done really well and I’m sorry you’re feeling unsupported but I would think of it as per the first response here. You don’t need people coming along to your work. You’ll be fine and I would be looking at every opportunity to meet new people and new friends at every event.
huge congratulations to you and I’d come along and support if I knew where you were. I love a book talk.

my son and daughter in law are both published and I’ve never been to one of their events because they are not in the same country as me. I hope they don’t feel let down. I’m very proud of them both and love them enormously

DH should be the one to come. But he and I are not getting along well at the moment, so he's not coming- we may well separate

You should absolutely separate and this should be your final straw.

If he cannot support you, even as a friend, the father of your children or as a thanks for the years you’ve been married, then it is truly over.

I am sorry that you feel this way and feel so alone.

Just remember that most of your family/friends cannot come for very good reasons, it’s not like you’re not loved, it’s just that this weekend is not good for them.

I personally would prefer to go alone anyway.
I think you can focus on yourself more and do what you need to do.

Thank you all for the kind replies.

I do think my main sadness is that DH isn't coming. I feel gutted that I don't even deserve that. Like any long marriage, I have made my own mistakes, but I would still absolutely go to anything he asked me to attend. It's so petty and small of him.

But as a previous poster so aptly said " We write for unknown friends". That is so true, especially for those of us who are not celebs, not well-connected, not published by the big publishers.

I will take photos for my mum, sibling and DD, all of whom will be very interested, at least. And have a drink for my father, who died many years ago, but did more than anyone to encourage me. I miss him too.

My post is quite badly written and full of errors. My actual book is better, I promise!

Congratulations first of all 🙂.

Have you asked your DH to come and told him how much it would mean to you?

I asked him to come because he was a part of the book's journey, and I want some family there. Doesn't seem keen. Using work as an excuse, but I know he finishes early on Fridays and it's only 25 minutes from us.

Not going to beg further.
I am grateful that public speaking does not make me nervous, as such.

Even if you had no-one at all who wanted to be there, you wouldn't be a failure. We're not defined by our relationships, the number or quality of them. You have achieved something brilliant (and I'm deeply jealous that you're not nervous about public speaking!), and whether anyone is there to cheer you on is irrelevant to what you've actually achieved.

But as I said, that's "if" you have no-one who wanted to be there. That doesn't seem like its the case. You've got plenty of people who'd like to be there, but can't, whether due to distance, or what's going on in their lives right now.

There's only one knobhead who could be there, should be there, and is choosing not to be. Don't let him spoil what you've achieved.

Ahh sorry that you are feeling unsupported, that is a bit shit of your husband.

But massive congratulations on being a published author and giving talks - take gratification from the fact that the whole audience have come to listen to you

Congratulations, that's such a brilliant achievement!
It's understandable to feel sad that your loved ones can't be with you, I'm sure anyone would feel this way. I hope you can get together with your kids to have a belated celebration soon.

I would see today as the start of a new chapter. You'll be meeting lots of people at the talk and I'm sure lots will be keen to talk to a published author. Go in there with an open and positive mindset; you may make new friends who you wouldn't have spoken to if you'd gone there with your nob of a husband.

I get this. I wrote and published a non-fiction book and my husband never even cracked the spine of it.

We are divorced now…not reading my book or even page one is of course not the reason, but it told me a lot about how he felt towards me.

A massive congratulations on achieving something absolutely huge and I hope it went really well for you today.

I am deeply sad and feel like a failure that I have reached the grand old age of 54 with no one by my side to cheer me on One person has let you down. Just one. Your mum, your friends, your DC, I bet every single one of them would love to be there with you if there weren’t things preventing them. And every one of them will be cheering you on in their thoughts, even if not in person. That’s also a pretty big achievement and nothing to be sad about 💐

Update. DH turned up, took photos and chatted with everyone. I was glad of someone who knew me. Small but great turnout. Met many fun people.

Congratulations to you too @Epicuriouss and thanks everyone!

Wow. Just wow that you are a published author. I know how difficult that is. Congratulations. I’m glad it worked out. Are you still writing?

Glad he made the effort.

Perhaps your project for the rest of 2026/27 should be to build local connections and friends? If your dcs are adults now, and you and dh aren’t close, time to use your free time to build up your social life. Join things, chat to people, try to get to know some people.

(if you do split up with your dh in the future, having laid the groundwork of building relationships will be good for you.)

Lively update OP, good he was there to support you. 👏💐.