After years of wrangling with the SEND system, I'm finding I have suddenly and unexpectedly ground to an exhausted stand-still.
I'm at a crucial point of transition between phases (secondary to Post 16) and should be going all out to secure the right provision for my child after some quite predictable pushback from the Local Authority about provision -I've been at it for almost a decade so it's not news- but I have just unravelled over the last few days.
I find I'm overwhelmed and can't seem to find my next step. My previous experience feels irrelevant and our EHCP suddenly feels as if it's not quite fit for this next stage, in a couple of ways I hadn't anticipated. I can't seem to see what I need to do next (the thought of re-drafting) makes me feel physically sick) and, weirdly, can't seem to process the reams of information and documentation I need to work with -I'm just staring at my screen and papers in folders, my mind a complete blank, after everyone's gone to bed. Maybe moving a few words here and there. For hours. I'm scared of my inbox.
I'm not able to not think about it either -I've been at the gym for an hour, thinking I should try to carve out some 'me-time' but am not able to switch off, just checking deadlines and emails, trying not to cry. Wtf. I'm usually a very calm, pragmatic, one-step-at-a-time person and don't recognise this at all.
Not even sure what I'm asking (posting in Chat for a bit more passing traffic than on the SEND board), because I know this is a notoriously isolating aspect of some people's parenting journey, and that there are no easy answers. It's just so relentless. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. My very lovely friends' DC are all finishing GCSEs, getting excited about their options for the autumn and trying on prom dresses, so I can't really reach out to anyone in RL without it turning weird.
Maybe I'm asking for a bit of rope, a bit of signposting or next-steps nudging. This feels so totally indulgent at a time when my YP really needs me to be 100% on it. I need to get my act together.