Ideas for calm SEN-friendly weekend activities for three children

[Helpingoutwithasdkids]

Does anyone have any ideas for nice activities for children with SEN? We have offered to start helping with my dsis 3 dc once a week so she can have a break with her DP as they are both carers and totally exhausted.

They will be coming to us so that Dsis can rest at home if she wants to. She told me they really just wouldn’t even mind watching their iPads or playing with Lego but it’s up to me what I do as she doesn’t want it to be too much hard work for us. She said the most important thing to keep them calm is the correct food and drink as all 3 have ARFID (also ASD and ADHD) and one has to eat totally separately to the others. Plus sticking to the same times for things and schedules.

I was thinking maybe to just get some nice arts and crafts bits to just have out if they want to use them rather than a structured activity and we are getting the garden sorted out and made safe too so that they have an outdoor space to explore / relax in. It’s just for one full day every weekend. Are there any other calming activities that might be good? I understand that dsis is anxious we don’t have a difficult time that’s what she suggested Lego or iPads but I want to offer some other things too.

Sorry I should have included ages - they are 4 and 6 (boys) and 10 (girl).

I wondered about baking with 10 year old niece but I’d need to check about sensory issues as I know the 2 boys have very significant struggles in that area so I’ll have to see how things go, I don’t want to do the stereotypical thing of sending the boys in the garden with dh and doing baking with DN is she won’t enjoy it but I’ll have to see what she feels like doing. She often is non verbal due to situational mutism outside of the house but she alway talks to me when they are at home so I’m hoping at our house too she can also manage and then I can chat to her about what she wants to do. I’m going to set up the office as a room for her to eat in as well as she can’t eat with anyone else but it has to be an actual clear dining area so that’s something else I’m going to get done before Sunday

Do a schedule for the first couple of visits (an hour per activity) and then do more of what works the second time, with theit input?

Plasticine/play doh (you can make play doh - recipes online)
Cutting out from magazines and sticking. You'll need child safe scissors.
"Potions" in the bath (Not on the High Street has some good kits that won't stain the bath or the kids)
That South Korean magnet building stuff is great, and doesn't make you want to swear whn you step.on it, unlike Lego (I will look up the name)
A train set
Pull back cars: you can make a "racetrack" with some sheets of paper stuck together
Chalking on paving slabs outside
Washing and drying dolly clothes in tub of water
Those mats you can draw on with water
Twinkl for easy recipes and colouring sheets
Big pile of cushions on the floor/make a den with sheets or fleece blankets
Orchard board games. The one where people get on and off the bus was popular here.
Giant floor jigsaws.
Save the ipads for when you've run out of ideas. CBeebies is good though for wholesome stuff.

Post on your local Freecycle group to ask for things like water mats.

You're doing a kind thing but don't set your expectations too high. Three kids is a lot, your sister struggles and they may be challenging especially with three of them and two of you.

Definitely spend some time putting away your things that are valuable or could get damaged. Have a walk around the house thinking about what a four year old can reach.

Gosh this is so kind of you. I would not expect them to bake straight off as they may have anxieties around being asked to eat the food if they have ARFID. Three kids at once can be a lot obviously, I think I would start by trying to set up a gentle routine where you have some 1:1 time with each of them while the other two watch tv, and try activities out. If they like Lego that’s actually a great activity as you can chat while doing it and it develops all kind of skills. Maybe set out some simple craft items and maybe a more sensory option, mine love kinetic sand/ playdough though obviously be mindful of possible mess if the 4 year old will throw etc. If funds allow you could try other building toys similar to Lego like magnetic tiles or something they don’t have at home so it’s a novelty at yours. The garden can be a great resource, I would look for second hand garden toys or the 4 year old may like a water table still depending on his sensory needs? I would also set up a routine of quiet time after lunch if possible so you and your DH can relax for a bit too, a full day can seem like a long time! To be honest even if they come to you and watch TV & do lego all day, It will still be an incredible help to your sister, and a massive benefit to the kids in having her less exhausted, so I would look to make it the most sustainable for you that it can be, even if it means low expectations for activities.

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Those are the magnet toys. Maybe wait and see if any of them put stuff in their mouths.

And get a large box or crate you can throw everything in between visits! Garden centres have robust lidded boxes.

Id be very gentle for the first visit. Let them have thier lego and ipads.

I used to run a morning club for 4 to 7 year olds. We put out colouring stuff which was very popular, then a table that had two games on it. Connect 4 was popular, then a table that had a small world things - so its might be cars or a dolls house or a rocket, then a creative table that was generally magformers, sticklebrickks, lego or fuzzy felts.

Obviously you cant set up tables, but i think having colouring stuff, a potential game to play, a building thing to hand would be good.

The girl might like baking but it is a sensory minefield and the risk of having to eat it might put her off. You coukd make perfume instead? No risk of eating it. But maybe in a few weeks time.

Why do they need to be kept calm? Maybe a mad run around in a forest, climbing some trees, getting muddy and building dens is just what they need to burn off some energy and help regulate them. They are still children after all. This would be far better than sitting looking at an iPad all day.

Just thought - You could get some sets of beads and elastic cheaply from amazon or smyths and put them out for your niece to make bracelets/ necklaces perhaps. I think Phineyj makes a good point about TV vs tablets. If possible I would have them watch TV and keep the tablets for when you really need a break, depending on their needs and your sister’s advice about this. Sometimes tablets can be very hard to get them off of.

How much time have your nieces and nephews spent at your house by themselves previously? It sounds like you spend quite a lot of time with your nieces and nephews and have a good relationship with them but I do wonder if having all three of them for a whole day might set you up to fail. Could you perhaps start by having your niece for a few hours, perhaps with one of her parents, and making her comfortable with the arrangement and then doing the same with your nephews? If any of them are anxious, they will be less regulated and then they may begin to spiral off each other.
In terms of activities, what do they enjoy doing other than Lego & iPad? I think that that would be the place to start. Some children with ASD like big movements so swings or trampolines can really help them - but not all of them do so you will need some guidance from your DSis. How much do they enjoy running around or climbing? Can they ride a bike and, if so, how could that work? Importantly, if you are to do something like that, are you & your DH confident at taking them out and being able to manage a meltdown and support them to regulate again?

I would find out from your DSIS what each of their favoured activities is and plan for that, you might have to do that 1:1 and the other adult takes the other two depending on whether it is something the others like to do.

If they haven't been to you for long before then a full day is a lot to start with so you may need to build up the time at first while they get used to being at yours.

Plan between you and your DH how you will handle it if one of them is struggling more and their distress escalates. Who will help calm the distressed child and who will stay with the others? Which adult you or DH would be best to do that for each child based on your previous experiences with them? Pick the adult that the child trusts and responds to more, so that may be you for your niece, but not for your nephews.
When they come to yours be prepared that it is a big transition for them and they may be overwhelmed and less likely to be able to regulate.

You need to provide spaces and activities that enable them to feel safe. Find out for each one what that is for them and try to have as close to that in place for them.

Do not feel that you have to pack the day with activities, less is often more especially if they are dealing with a big transition such as being away from home all day.

They may struggle more than usual with eating so find out how she handles it on their worst days regarding food. Only buy their safe foods and whatever specific brands they eat. Do they have issues with foods touching or having their plates organised a certain way? Get their parents to take a picture of how they lay out their plate/dining area at home and try to replicate it.

With DS we built up time spent at my Mum's, we would go for short periods with him, he had his tablet with him that he could watch. We went with him and my Mum to the playground. He had safe familiar foods and brands that we knew he would eat. Once he was familiar with her home and the local playground she would take him to she took him for an hour then brought him home. Now he can go for longer, but still struggles with more than a few hours.

I think she means calm as in not being dysregulated as she talks about mealtimes and routines.

She could end up with 3 dysregulated children having massive meltdowns if she's not familiar with the signs of moving from letting off steam to totally overwhelmed and over stimulated.

I do agree that physical activity can be regulating though, and my son does 'heavy work' and push/ pull activities to regulate and this is good in a garden. He wheelbarrows things about, drags things, and digs weeds - so maybe some garden activities that are a bit more physical would be good.

Its quite hard to know without knowing the children's sensory needs.

I think basically thier mum needs a rest and want it to be succesful so is thinking a day on ipads gives everyone a chance of getting through it. If the kids all have huge meltdowns mum has to deal with the aftermath, the kids will be anxious about going again and the lovely op would lose confidence.

What a brilliant thing to do. Don't be afraid to start with a shorter time and work up.

Car boots can be a good source of toys including garden toys.

They are very different ages. I would just try to keep it low demand and not structure too much. Also children vary but my very, very rigid ASD child finds "same but different"really problematic. We used to try hard to eg keep holidays similar to home but he got v upset because it was a bit the same as home but not enough. It was nails down chalkboard annoying for him. Whereas now we have developed a new "holiday routine" and he loves going away to do holiday things. What I'm trying to say is don't be afraid to set up little routines that only happen at your house. They could really help. We do card games after dinner on holiday, ice cream once a day.

I think some craft that is just for the eldest is a good idea especially as she will have her own table anyway.

Find out what their favourite TV programmes are and have the right subscriptions.

For the younger ones stuff mine loved pegboards where you just copy patterns, or match pegs to colours, giant Hama beads (we just did the same kits over and over without ironing them) and Lego with instructions. Anything like train tracks or play dough are ok but he'd need to be led, he found open ended play confusing and not fun. He preferred task based things. We had quite a lot of fun with things we borrowed from Montessori like pouring water and spooning couscous. I set up little tasks for them to pick up. None of it looked that inspiring to an adult but it really hit the spot somehow.

We and DS find it is important to take DGD with ADHD out in the afternoons for a walk or to the playground in the park, to take the energy out of her, otherwise she has a meltdown late afternoon. At home, she enjoys arts and crafts, playing games, lego, dolls and limited screen time.

Yes I think dsis is just worried we will struggle so is suggesting things to keep them quiet and calm, which obviously if they need is totally fine but as much as I want dsis to have a break I want to make sure it’s also a nice experience for the children too and that they enjoy coming to us

If the weather holds, then time in the garden will be good for everyone. Not sure what your budget is, but we searched out car boot sales for water play items and got some fantastic bargains.
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Simple things like 'painting the fence' using big brushes and a bucket of water can be great too.

I'd just be a bit careful with any activities involving leaving the house until you're more familiar with the kids. At the very least, have a plan for what to do if one of them bolts or if one of them refuses to move.

My niece was still a bolter at 4 and my AuDHD DD is still prone to a storm off n sulk even at 13! Especially when her blood sugar is low.

Oh and keep the front/side/back door/gate locked at least till you're sure no-one's a bolter.

We are making the garden safe and adding an extra bolt high up on the gate. They’ll be supervised all the time out there but just in case. We are removing some wonky paving too that’s a trip hazard as one of the boys also has dyspraxia.

Can they open the front door from inside?

It's easier to sort these things in advance. The little lunatic next door is quite often at our door without his parents knowing!

I’ll get a high bolt for that too as well just in case

Hi OP this sounds like a lovely thing to do for your family! My nephew (SEN) used to live playing in an empty paddling pool filled with balls (the kind from a ball pool). He also use to love chalk drawing on the patio

And for the toilet door(s) so they can't lock themselves in...do not ask me how I know 😂.