Can plain girls or women ever be noticeable?

[rigotellnigella]

I am middle aged now so maybe a bit different now but across age groups from girlhood to older years, there are some who have a certain spark and get noticed wherever they go and others... less so.

I was one of the girls / teenagers who didn't get noticed when I was younger but strangely once in my 20s this improved and now in my 50s I feel confident in myself and project this. I don't mean male attention at all just other people believing you are competent and confident and worth given opportunities to.

What is this spark?

Is it looks, height, hair and eye colour, how you carry yourself?

I have seen girls who used to be very shy turn into confident and outgoing people later e.g. at uni but would say that the reverse doesn't seem to happen so if you are someone that gets noticed since you were younger, that doesn't tend too change?

My dd 15 for example feels she gets always overlooked as she doesn't push herself into the centre of attention thinks she looks nice but not 'striking' and teachers simply often don't notice she is there. Interestingly she does get attention from boys here age.

I'm curious, are some just born with a certain air of confidence and easily project this?

Adding that I only started being less invisible once I had found a university degree and subsequent career I love, which gave me lots of confidence and somehow this seems to have positively affected how I look and get much more noticed.

At risk of sounding like a right arse, that's me. I'm pretty plain looking (a solid 4 to 5/10, with definite worse days) but in my time I've beaten them off with a stick. I am interested in lots of things, was flirtatious and quick witted back in the day, and generally punched well above my weight partner wise. I don't share this to be as much of a wanker as this all sounds, but to share how much looks haven't played a huge part in my life. Which is fortunate, frankly.

Edited autocorrect.

If you wear distinctive clothes - and I mean, genuinely distinctive, not something sold as 'boho' or 'alternative' that millions of people are wearing - you will be noticed, but the notice may or may not be positive.

I think you're right that confidence also plays a part

I don't think you sound like a wanker at all.

You sound like the kind of woman a 'not plain' would see and think - 'why is he with her'?

I am interested in lots of things, was flirtatious and quick witted back in the day
The confidence this embodies is far more valuable than any 'costume', I believe.

It’s knowing who you are and, crucially, being interested in yourself and finding yourself valuable and worthy of attention. Some people hit that stage very young, others take time, some never achieve it. I was brought up by a mother who actively despised female confidence, taught us that nice girls were shy and smiley and silent, and that the only correct response to a question was ‘I don’t mind’, or whatever you imagined the other person wanted to hear. It took. While to unpick all that.

Not an arse in the slightest.

Is it about being open and very chatty (or flirty) or drawing attention in a different way?

In my dd's school for example, they all obviously wear school uniform but despite this, some of dd's friends just draw attention and favourableness from teachers and are generally noticed by others.

Has it to do with how loud or how much you speak?

As far as dd is concerned she feels 100% invisible even though objectively she is pretty and smart. She is a but inwards drawn around people she don'ts know well.

Are extroverted girls and women naturally more noticed and even liked?

I'm actually not loud, and in a large crowd I'm really pretty shy, but in a one on one context on the periphery of a group I'll talk your leg off. I'm really nosey about other people and I think people like it when you're genuinely interested in them. I'm also very not cool in a 'im so uncool I might be coming back in' way, and knowing that you're not pretty or cool is actually pretty freeing when you lean in to that.

I hope your daughter finds her mojo and realises that she is absolutely perfect for the right people x