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Have you ever asked for Angela?

46 replies

Globules · 06/04/2026 17:50

Just that really.

Wondering if this was/is an effective campaign?

OP posts:
intrepidpanda · 09/04/2026 21:28

It annoys me when i see it at gigs
If someone is pestering me you will escort me out safely?
NO! ou will chuck him out not me.

KilkennyCats · 09/04/2026 21:33

Jc2001 · 09/04/2026 21:24

They have it in the men's toilet's as well.

Confused

Doesn’t that rather defeat the objective?

Smoosha · 09/04/2026 21:34

intrepidpanda · 09/04/2026 21:28

It annoys me when i see it at gigs
If someone is pestering me you will escort me out safely?
NO! ou will chuck him out not me.

It’s not meant to be used at all in a “pestering” situation. It’s meant to be used when people are actually afraid for their safety and are unable to get away from someone. If you genuinely thought you were at serious risk of harm I think most people would be happy for the help. If you’re at the level of “I want him thrown out of here for annoying me” then you’re not at risk and this is not what the Ask for Angela campaign is for.

ChefsKisser · 09/04/2026 21:41

I suppose the idea is that even if the man hears and understands the message if it’s asked in a bar people will be aware the woman is in danger and can step in in some way.
Ive had patients reporting sexual assault who tried to ask for Angela and the bar staff had no clue what she was on about, she was then coerced into a taxi and raped. Very sad- good idea in theory but everyone needs to know how to manage it.

Gabitule · 09/04/2026 22:07

CremeEggsForBreakfast · 09/04/2026 21:21

I've always wondered what the "point" of it is as, by spreading awareness of the campaign, you're telling everyone what the secret phrase is and it's thus no longer a secret.

If you can sneak off to the bar, you might as well just be blunt and tell a member of staff "Hey, I'm on a first date and he's frightening me. I need help". If you can't do that (e.g you're sitting at the bar with the bloke) and you're literally saying "can I speak to Angela, please" then you're relying not just on the bar staff to know what it means but their acting skills to come up with an excuse to whip you out the back.

It's a nice idea, but a better one is having bar staff trained in how to help in these situations.

That’s exactly what I wanted to say.
If I was ever in an unsafe situation in a bar I would excuse myself to go to toilet and would ask any customer I come across to tell a member of staff that I need help. Or, if the guy wouldn’t let me go to the toilet, I would simply stand up and walk away. I’m in a public place after all, what is he going to do?
I don’t see the point of the campaign, it would be much better to have a campaign to advise people to always meet new people in public places, to walk away and get someone’s help if things get weird, etc.

Parsleyforme · 09/04/2026 22:14

My friend tried to use it once in a bar. The member of staff said the bar staff all knew the guy she was there with and she didn’t need to worry because he’s really nice. She was upset at being dismissed and not believed, thankfully he wasn’t in earshot

Smoosha · 09/04/2026 22:32

Parsleyforme · 09/04/2026 22:14

My friend tried to use it once in a bar. The member of staff said the bar staff all knew the guy she was there with and she didn’t need to worry because he’s really nice. She was upset at being dismissed and not believed, thankfully he wasn’t in earshot

If he wasn’t in earshot why did she ask for Angela instead of just saying I feel at risk can you help me? I know in this case the outcome may well have been the same, but I don’t understand the logic of using a code word if it’s not needed? The point of it being a code word was so as not to alert the man you’re with that you’re asking for help. If he can’t hear you anyway, you don’t need a code word.

CheeseWisely · 09/04/2026 22:38

I agree it could do with refreshing now. Thankfully I’ve never had to use it, but when I was dating I favoured one small local bar that was female run, all table service and they were genuinely excellent at watching what was going on in the bar. More than once I’ve had eye contact and a mouthed ‘are you ok?’ over the shoulder of a Man I’ve been talking to. I know it’s not a sustainable model in huge busy bars but it made me feel very safe.

FruitFlyPie · 09/04/2026 22:50

Gabitule · 09/04/2026 22:07

That’s exactly what I wanted to say.
If I was ever in an unsafe situation in a bar I would excuse myself to go to toilet and would ask any customer I come across to tell a member of staff that I need help. Or, if the guy wouldn’t let me go to the toilet, I would simply stand up and walk away. I’m in a public place after all, what is he going to do?
I don’t see the point of the campaign, it would be much better to have a campaign to advise people to always meet new people in public places, to walk away and get someone’s help if things get weird, etc.

Yes, I've never really understood how it could help. You can just stand and walk to the bar and ask for help, or call the police on your own phone - you are in public after all.

Parsleyforme · 09/04/2026 22:53

Smoosha · 09/04/2026 22:32

If he wasn’t in earshot why did she ask for Angela instead of just saying I feel at risk can you help me? I know in this case the outcome may well have been the same, but I don’t understand the logic of using a code word if it’s not needed? The point of it being a code word was so as not to alert the man you’re with that you’re asking for help. If he can’t hear you anyway, you don’t need a code word.

Hmm I suppose it’s a quick way of saying you need help without having to take time explaining why, and the staff will hopefully have some idea of what they should do when the code word is used. I didn’t realise it was supposed to be used in front of the guy because they can’t just bundle a woman over the bar and would presumably need a reason to kick the guy out

Funkylights · 09/04/2026 22:56

Angela is used as it’s non an unusual name but is uncommon enough to trigger a response. Ellie would prob be a staff name lol

hahabahbag · 09/04/2026 22:57

Never heard the phrase used in real life but did help a lady out at our local, she had approached the bar staff they took her through the back and we walked her to the bus stop 10 minutes away (our house is close to there, the staff knew that and dh is 6’1), bus thankfully came on time , not sure what happened with her date, he was 20 years older than he had claimed online for starters

Globules · 09/04/2026 22:57

ChefsKisser · 09/04/2026 21:41

I suppose the idea is that even if the man hears and understands the message if it’s asked in a bar people will be aware the woman is in danger and can step in in some way.
Ive had patients reporting sexual assault who tried to ask for Angela and the bar staff had no clue what she was on about, she was then coerced into a taxi and raped. Very sad- good idea in theory but everyone needs to know how to manage it.

This makes me cross. People were trying to ask for help in the way they'd been told to ask for help, but that help never came.

OP posts:
ChamonixMountainBum · 09/04/2026 23:02

RapunzelHadExtensions · 06/04/2026 18:10

I've thankfully never had to use it but have known it to be used, I'm a police officer. Woman on a first date with a man and was getting really strange vibes from him. Kept putting loads of pressure on her to go home with him, grabbed her wrist and generally just being a prick. She asked for Angela and they were amazing, so chilled out and took her into the back without him seeing. She then disclosed to them that he had also pulled her hair and she was beginning to feel woozy and a bit strange. We were called. He refused to give us his details but on locking him up and getting his fingerprints in custody my heart dropped a bit - He was showing outstanding for a rape some 200 miles up north.

She was fine thankfully and he is awaiting sentence.

The only thing I was wondering is if the scheme will need to refresh itself a bit - it's pretty well known now and a huge safeguarding aspect of it is that no one is really meant to know what it means so no fuss is caused and you're not increasing your risk, but I don't think that's the case anymore and most people know what it means. Not sure it really matters, just something I was musing on.

I am a man and I have seen plenty of campaign posters in the men's toilets in pubs over the last few years. Most of my male friends are very aware of what 'Ask for Angela' is.

ThursdayNext1 · 09/04/2026 23:13

No- I was being harassed by a man in a bar. I’d spoken to him at the bar for about 2 mins and then he suddenly got really aggressive. Then he followed me around and stood staring at me. I wasn’t on a date with him. I told the bar staff and they kept saying ‘are you asking for Angela’ and I said. ‘No I’m telling you directly this man is following me around, harassing me and staring at me. I want you to do something about it’. He honestly looked like he wanted to kill me. Security did come and remove him- I still worry that he just went and found another victim. I just got an awful vibe from him.

scalt · 09/04/2026 23:44

I don’t think it’s meant to be a particularly secret phrase. “Is Angela here?” is quicker and easier to say than “I feel at risk, please can you help me” and a frightened woman would have to gabble out an explanation in a crowded bar. Someone who is genuinely frightened might not easily find the words to ask for help; using a code phrase can feel safer, even if an aggressor might also know it. It also means that in venues that have trained their staff properly, there is then a procedure in place, ie taking someone out the back. Before the campaign, was there a general procedure for what staff should do if a customer says they don’t feel safe?

As for displaying in it men’s toilets: men can feel unsafe in bars too, perhaps from other men. A man might suddenly see someone who has a grudge against them. Asking for Angela provides a discreet way out, and can alert the staff that something is up. A man might have been threatened in the toilets by another man with (for example) “I’m going to smash you for looking at my girlfriend!” I know that sounds silly, but it’s the sort of thing a man who has had too much to drink might say.

And as @ThursdayNext1 says, if the staff say “are you asking for Angela?”, that shows they know the campaign. Someone suggested calling the police on your phone; difficult to do discreetly in a stressful situation. Anyone who has tried to “log it with 101” knows it is not a simple procedure. By asking for Angela, someone instantly has some backup, from the bar staff, and maybe even from other customers. I think this campaign is more valuable than some posters seem to think. It might be touch and go whether it actually works, but it helps everybody knowing that there is a procedure is in place.

IdentityCris · 10/04/2026 00:02

KilkennyCats · 07/04/2026 14:26

The police don’t take people away in cuffs for allegedly pulling someone else’s hair.

I suspect it had more to do with the likelihood that he'd drugged her, or tried to do so.

IdentityCris · 10/04/2026 00:04

I think it needs refreshing these days. And also the main purpose of it re-explained. As others have said everyone knows what it is now. So a man you are afraid of/trying to get away from will know what you’re doing now.

I'm not sure that matters. If the man knows what it means, he can hardly drag the woman away from people who have been alerted to the fact that she thinks he might be dangerous.

scalt · 10/04/2026 00:13

@IdentityCris Exactly. Many abusers work by gradually charming their prey, tricking them into letting their guard down, in a way that they hope no bystanders will notice, and that their date won’t notice. If an abuser were to hear their date asking for Angela, and knew what it meant, they would also know that their date is on their guard. While it is true that they could turn aggressive, most would probably not want to make a scene in front of other people, drawing even more attention to themselves.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 10/04/2026 00:48

i would only feel safe if I was telling a woman. Otherwise I wouldn’t want male bar staff and bouncers knowing I was alone and my drink may have been spiked. I’d rather tell a random woman than male staff.

ScaredSceptic · 10/04/2026 00:57

I've never understood the point of this scheme. If I felt in danger in a public place I would be direct and say so rather than "asking for Angela", which risks you bring being misunderstood and not helped. I find it a bit bizarre to be honest.

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