Getting rid of things from family.

[PilesofGuilt]

How do you deal with the guilt of sorting through your things when it's stuff your parents bought and collected for you? I've just moved, and unlike my parents will never be able to afford a house. Storage is limited. Yet every time I mention throwing things I get that look from my parents and an "well I hope you didn't throw x."
Next up is a collection of stamps. They subscribed when I was born and made it into a massive thing every time a new set came out. It was obviously something my father was interested in - I wasn't, as I've half a box of unopened envelopes! Folders of stamps and unopened envelopes have been in a box, untouched for 20 years. Yet I dread them finding out I've thrown them. So should I throw or should I keep? They're worth (according to Reddit & ebay) quite literally nothing more than the value on the stamp, there is no collectors value whatsoever.
How do you deal with the parental guilt trip?

Get rid and if they mention it just say they are in the attic for safe keeping. Hopefully they won't mention them too often. Keep the least offensive stuff somewhere they can see if they visit .

Just don’t tell them! I’m sure they’re not going to ask to see them, so just keep it to yourself. Things which belong to you are yours to do with as you wish. For stamps you might be able to find a charity that collects them then at least you can feel they have done some good in the getting rid of them.

Or you could just be honest, and ask them if they would like the stamps as you don't have the space / are having a clear out?

@CharnwoodFire they already have a set that is on their shelves and hasn't been looked at since god knows when. And to be honest, I'm trying to persuade them to downsize whilst they still can. Their idea of declutterring is turning up at my flat with a car load of boxes...

Could you add the stamps to their collection? You could either ask, you know, so that they are fullll collections of stamps or just dump it on their shelf sherruptitiously...

Do not concern yourself with the fact that their house is cluttered, you need to look after your own space first.

Having full ownership of your everyday space and not having random crap around, is so important for mental health 🩷

Tbh, they sound like horders x

Stop telling them! You're an adult, why do you have to discuss every little thing with them?
Your life is different to theirs, so the stuff you need/want is different. It's very simple.

I have sympathy for-dh can’t get rid of anything he’s been given by his parents - I’ve told him he’s not to accept any more “gifts”. But we already have too many things that are not to my taste but dh won’t part with them. I get rid of stuff when no one is looking and deny all knowledge

Tell them that you don’t want it, ask if they do, if not throw it. You’re not a child anymore, take control of your environment.

Unfortunately dumping it surreptitiously at theirs is not an option (can't drive, medical reasons).

DH says they're hoarders. I find it hard to judge, it's my normal, and I find the fact that DH has zero belongings (including photos) from before he was an adult, weird! Their house is clean, but full.

With age, and as the amount of crap at your parents’ own house starts to mount up, you learn to be more brutal.

I highly recommend you listen to the minimalists podcast - life changing. I’ve moved around countries a lot so I’ve had to live a very minimalist lifestyle as I could not afford to ship a lot of unnecessary items with me whenever I moved on. This makes you realise how much stuff we keep that physically and mentally weighs us down. My mum however never travelled and only moved home once in the last 50 years. She kept almost everything. When I had to empty her house when she went in a care home it was so ridiculous the amount of junk and shit that I had to organise to be taken away. Meaning is in people and life. Not materialistic items. Throw out the stamp collection books and be free. Once you start it is liberating. It’s your life. Don’t be weighed down by your parents’ expectations.

Quick Google there are stamp traders and We buy Stamps, get them sold. Individually you might only get a few pence but I'm sure it must add up.

Which also means you can say no you didn't throw them out.

But generally I wouldn't tell them you have got rid.

https://www.theminimalists.com/

I had this stamp business with m and she had stepf's collection, literally over 1000 first day covers then the loose stamps. They were alsway banging on about them being 'worth money one day'🙄
I got lumbered with the lot after m downsized, I took them from the envelopes and gave them to a charity that collected stamps for funds.
She never asked I never told, sometimes that is the best way.
She wanted me to take loads of her stuff due to her downsizing, I admit I laughed and reminded her I had a house full of kids and enough stuff already. But if she wanted to keep stuff [hoarding] she could rent a storage locker. She didn't and moved to be surrounded by all her stuff nearly up to the ceiling.
Eventually house clearance took everything, there was nothing of value.
It's sad but I think most younger people aren't going to want their parents 'treasured' stuff furniture etc.
I'm Swedish death clearing, the kids know and have thanked me for making things easier in the future. Just because I love something doesn't mean they will.
I'm not a guilt tripping person I respect their choices and boundaries.

Yes! Give them back for ‘safe keeping’ !

No point in adding to their collection. Thats just kicking the can down the road. She will eventually inherit it and need to deal with it.

There are PTS (philanthropic traders society) apparently lists traders and we buy Stamps will buy your collection.

Thats from my 10sec Google sell them.

Please don’t think of parents possessions as ‘junk’ It probably meant so much to them…just because it’s not to you (immaculate) taste doesn’t mean it’s junk!
Yes ‘get rid’ but at least have a heart.
Some folks might consider you as the parents ‘junk’!

I would sell the stamp collection. There are plenty of stamp enthusiasts around so im sure someone will want it.
Seems a shame to throw it away

The stamps will be valid for postage as long ss they are not the standard queen's head first and second class editions. These need to be swapped out by post and you are sent new bar coded stamps in their place.

The royal mail website states, "Special Issue stamps that are produced as one offs to commemorate an event as we are not adding barcodes to these types of stamps so non-barcoded versions remain valid for postage after 31 January 2023.

Christmas Stamps: although we are adding barcodes to Christmas Stamps — non-barcoded Christmas Stamps will remain valid as postage after 31 January 2023 — so there is no need to swap them out.

Any stamps which are pre-decimalisation are not eligible for swap out — as they don't have a postage value."

Your stamps may not have collector's value but do have postage value and postage is expensive! You can use multiple stamps to make the postage for parcels and letters. If you don't intend to keep them, use them. You could perhaps keep the first set they bought you as a keepsake but use the others.

Honestly advertise them on Facebook marketplace for a nominal fee . I would snap them up if you were local for crafting purposes. Then you don’t have to look after them anymore and you know they have gone to a good home . No need to tell your parents and you can (or at least used to be able to ) block your contacts on Facebook from seeing the listing .
Or as PP suggests actually use them as stamps .

Sell them. Don’t tell the parents.

Our parents like to buy things for us - often that don’t suit either our lifestyle or our taste. We used to just say thank you, then either sell it or put it in the charity shop pile.

Stamps can be sold or donated in various ways.

That's bloody harsh. I get the feeling there's other stuff going on here.

I didn’t need too, they kept everything and asked if I wanted to sell. I sold all my barbies a few years ago and made a fortune. They still have my beanie babies in their loft as my dad doesn’t have the heart to get rid of them 😂
tbh they know I don’t have the space, if they do get rid of something they always ask if I want it back firstZ

Sell the stamps. Even if you only get the face value then that’s going to be £50 or so.
If they ask then they are in the loft/in storage/a friend’s garage.