I was with my partner for 12 years, although we do not live together as we both have jobs in different cities. It worked well, I owned my house and he rented with a friend. We’d talked about children but it was a sort of always futuristic thing.
then I fell pregnant on the coil, and it exploded. He was furious. Angry at me, angry at the world even though it wasn’t anyone’s fault. He wanted me to abort, I chose not to and he ended our relationship. Said he didn’t want anything to do with the baby. blocked me. It was awful and so out of character. We are both 30.
After about four weeks, he came around after speaking to his parents. Said he wanted to be involved but still feels resentful. He came to my 12 week scan and refused to look at the screen. I’m now 14 weeks, we aren’t together but whenever I talk to him about the baby he shuts down. He’s told me he’s barely eating, sleeping and can’t function at work. I tried speaking to him about maternity leave as I’d started to save (I’ll only get marternity allowance) and buying a few bits. He got mad again and burst into tears on the phone and said “oh I guess you want me to give you money”. He earns over £60,000 a year and has around £1300 spare a month but has been putting this in stocks and shares. He said he can’t be happy about any of this. Feels angry and disgusted with himself?
I asked him if he truly wanted to be involved, and he gets upset if I tell him not to bother. I feel so trapped. He’s refusing to go to the GP, or tell his work for support. he says he wants to be involved and come to scans etc? But is beyond miserable?
It’s got to the point where I don’t know how to be or what to say because everything is triggering for him.