Hiding from the Queen

[Lovemc]

Sorry if anyone clicked on the title expecting it to be light-hearted (or literal!).

On the day Queen Elizabeth II died I coincidentally experienced a personal trauma that seriously impacts my life to this day. I remain periodically very depressed about it, and am triggered frequently by all sorts of things.

One of the things that obviously reminds of the trauma is stuff to do with the late Queen. On September 8th there have always been things on the news commemorating the anniversary, mercifully less each year. But in a couple of weeks it's the centenary of her birth and there is already media coverage which I am finding tough to handle. It's hard to escape because it's hard to predict.

How do other people cope with dates and trauma combining? If you have lost someone at Christmas, or on your birthday or whatever. How do you manage it? Are there tips I can take on board, or do i have to just suck it up? I am conscious of my luck that at least it's not a Christmas thing where there really would be no escape every single year.

Firstly, I'm very sorry you experienced something traumatic.

This may not help, but I lost my dad at Christmas a decade or so ago (he was young - in his 50's - but very sick so expected). Honestly it just took time, the first couple were tough and I obviously still miss him, but I don't associate his death with Christmas any more.

I get the sense though, that perhaps the problem is that you're still processing what happened and thatmight be why the queen is triggering? To go with a mumsnet cliche - have you had therapy?

My father was buried on my birthday. His birthday was on Christmas Day. My mother died 2 days after we got married (we knew she was dying and brought the wedding forward).

We don't celebrate our wedding anniversary (it will be ten years this year), instead we celebrate the date we met, which will be 20 years ago this summer.

My birthday and Christmas Day are always somewhat overshadowed, but it has got easier with time.

I identify with this as I lost my mum just before Christmas. However, it was nearly 30 years ago and I don't dwell on it.

I know it is a cliche but time really can make a difference.

@Lovemc have you tried to ger help with this?

I had a traumatic, life changing event happen on a specific date that is 'celebrated ' I dread the run up to it as like you say they're are random reminders.
For me part of the issue is I can remember what I was like/able to do before and after this event. I think theres a direct comparison I can make because I can clearly remember what I was doing before the traumatic event.
Time has helped but the biggest help has been EMDR.
I hope you can find the support you need.

My dad died completely unexpectedly, the same day one of my dearest friends gave birth to a baby girl.
Watching that little girl grow up can be painful at times, but it has eased over the years.

I'm so sorry for your loss 😔 I also experienced a significant loss on the day the Queen died, listening to the National Anthem still makes me emotional as it was playing a lot and it takes me right back. It also happened at roughly the same time in the day. The day was so rainy and horrible anyway.
I remember needing to get some dinner for my son and having to stop in a McDonald's. It was just too much though, I was sobbing and had to leave . When I got in the car I realised that the death of the queen had been announced and I still wonder to this day how many people in McDs thought I was reacting (quite strongly!) to the news 🫣

3 things:

1. really work through the trauma that you experienced
2. reframe the trigger - real or manufactured emotional response the late queen dying doesn't what negate or exacerbate what happened to you, it juts is what it is.
3. avoid the triggers - don't look at accounts/sites that are likely to major on it (eg avoid Daily Fail, Telegraph etc) And check how your interests are recorded on the social media you use (i found eg that because I was watching period drama it was assumed I would want to read about the royal family now). Even better, get yourself out of the country!