Is it weird I have friends I don't want my kids to meet?

[HorsesForMorses]

Ok so is it weird that I have friends I keep my kids away from? Or rather, is it weird that I'm still friends with them when I've decided I don't want to bring their drama into my kids' lives?

I have two old friends I'm thinking of, who've never met each other. One is male, good fun, bon viveur, clever, eloquent and wry, and drinks like a fish. I meet him for meals and have never invited him to our house because I don't want my children, who are teenagers but autistic and quite vulnerable, to be around someone tipsy or drunk.

The other is female and has met my kids a lot when both she and I had little kids the same age. Since then we chat and message a lot but I don't like her popping round the house because she has no filter about talking about the drama in her life which at various times has included an abusive husband, being verbally abused by her children, being overtly depressed, job worries, money worries, and having an affair. For clarity, I speak to her and message with her all the time and am very supportive and try to help her, but I just don't want my kids having to hear about all that.

So am I being too precious keeping my SEN teenagers separate from all this, or is it just a sensible barrier to have?

There’s no reason you have to introduce your kids to your friends.

However, I do think your kids will be quite ill-prepared for adult life if they’re teenagers and you never let them be in a room with adults who behave slightly differently from what they’re used to.

I don’t think it’s weird, I do the same. My DS is only 11 and not SEN but I have similar friends to the ones you describe and I would say that’s my private time when DS is with his Dad, not ‘Mum time’. Whether it’s right or wrong I don’t really care, it’s what I feel comfortable with and is appropriate in my opinion.

I may think differently when DS is 15/16 but that’s how I feel right now. I had DS at 44 so there’s a lot of life that happened before he came along.

I don't think it's weird, but I'm quite extreme in keeping my adult life separate from my mum life. When kids are around it tends to be all about them so seeing my friends is my adult time.

One friend recently asked to see my kids which is fine, but I don't expect my adult friends to want to see my kids. Although agree that my kids aren't great around new adults, I should probably figure something out about that!

It seems reasonable to me; you have parts of your life that are necessarily separate from your family life and it's up to your best judgement if you want to see these friends "out" somewhere rather than inviting them to your house, at least for now. Unless the friends are asking to visit you at home or meet your children, or the children know about the friends and have been asking to meet them, it doesn't seem like there's any problem at all.