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Original poster

Any other Independent Visitors out there?

11 replies

Youshouldbestrongerthanme · 02/04/2026 21:39

I love visiting but it's bittersweet at times. It's been a year now since I met one of the most awesome 6 year-olds in the world and would literally give anything to be able to take him out of care and move in with me!

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Sunshineandrainbow · 02/04/2026 21:41

I think I have heard of this for older children, didn't realise younger kids were included too.
Must be really hard when you bond so well 🥰

Springiscoming368 · 02/04/2026 21:43

Not any more but an ex independent visitor. I really enjoyed my time and it was so lovely. I was matched with an 9 year old girl. She will be a teenager now and I still wonder how she’s doing

Original poster
Youshouldbestrongerthanme · 02/04/2026 21:46

@Sunshineandrainbow I first met him when I was his EOTAS tutor (he was just 5), but when he got a placement I didn't want to be yet another person walking out of his life so applied to be an IV.
His smile fills my heart joy and I am left in awe of his resilience. He is as important to me as I am to him I think!
But it's hard at times for obvious reasons.

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caringcarer · 02/04/2026 22:45

2 of my foster DC had IV's because they had no family nearby they could have contact visits with. Both loved the fun time they spent with IV. Eldest foster son had same IV for over 5 years so he build a lovely relationship with him.

hahabahbag · 02/04/2026 22:46

My brother is, well technically was as the person is now over 18 but he still meets him monthly.

Sunshineandrainbow · 02/04/2026 22:56

Youshouldbestrongerthanme · 02/04/2026 21:46

@Sunshineandrainbow I first met him when I was his EOTAS tutor (he was just 5), but when he got a placement I didn't want to be yet another person walking out of his life so applied to be an IV.
His smile fills my heart joy and I am left in awe of his resilience. He is as important to me as I am to him I think!
But it's hard at times for obvious reasons.

What kind of things do you do together? Sounds like a lovely relationship.

Original poster
Youshouldbestrongerthanme · 03/04/2026 04:53

@Sunshineandrainbow It is, and after a year of visits he's just beginning to trust me when I say I'll be back to see him again.
I visit every other Sunday and we mostly play, play, play! It helps I have a 5 yo myself and she is happy to let me borrow her toys for a bit so there is something new for him to explore.
Now the weather is getting better we will also do some planting together in the garden - last year it was fruit and veggies - and he loves things in nature like pine cone and conker hunts.
We also sit and have a drink together - he "orders" us a tea and hot chocolate - and we chat away (mostly about random stuff!)
Over Easter I'll plan him a little Easter egg and chick hunt and to see the excitement on his face is worth more than any money in the world - he has the most infectious laugh!!
Sometimes when I visit he can understandably push me away emotionally, but obviously as I'm an EOTAS Tutor for my week job I'm very used to that. I know not to take it personally.
My heart still breaks a little every time I leave him waving at the window, but i know he is well cared for and the staff are lovely ❤️

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Mt563 · 03/04/2026 06:26

What a wonderful scheme, I've never heard of this but will look into it. I've never felt able to adopt or foster for various reasons even though I'd like to but this I could do and would love to.

Original poster
Youshouldbestrongerthanme · 03/04/2026 10:39

@Mt563 It is. There's quite a lengthy initial training process (which actually I enjoyed as I got to meet other IVs) which is understandable as some of the young people you have the privilege of supporting are very vulnerable and can present as challenging (again, totally understandably).
You also need to commit long-term to a minimum of a routine set time (usually weekends if child is school-age) which isn't always easy. This includes over school holidays and, as much as is possible, this has to be consistent.
I think as an IV working through the LA you can claim back some expenses e.g. if you take child out if approved but as I visit in care home then I don't have these costs.
I do buy him a few little gifts at Easter/birthday/Christmas etc but that is totally my choice and never any pressure to do so.
All in all, it is a.wonderful thing to volunteer to do, and I absolutely love it and feel privileged to get to be involved in my young man's life. I hope I will.be for many years to come ❤️

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EconomyClassRockstar · 07/04/2026 01:40

I'd absolutely LOVE to do this and I've never even heard of it. I'm googling now to see if there is something similar to where I live.

Original poster
Youshouldbestrongerthanme · 07/04/2026 15:21

@EconomyClassRockstar It's a great role but I would say sometimes more than people imagine as you have to be very consistent in visitation. I give 2 hrs every other Sunday so it does take my weekends "out" to some extent, as well as working in the weeks and I have my own kids. It's definitely not a "pick and choose" role.
But worth it ❤️
Also a lengthy training process but again, worth doing if it's what you want to commit to x

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