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What happens if contact is ordered but my child refuses to go

7 replies

Whathappensinthissituation · 02/04/2026 14:55

What happens if court orders contact, but there's no way to safely get the child to contact.

Long story very short the father is neglectful and emotionally abusive, the court has ordered contact every 2nd weekend, my son is 9 and ND.

He point blank refuses to leave the house for contact, doesn't come to the phone for contact either.

Social services have reported his reluctance, the school has reported his reluctance.

Child has threatened to run away and hurt himself.

Realistically what happens in this scenario?

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 02/04/2026 15:31

You keep social services as involved as possible, offer a contact center etc. try very hard to get them inside. What about cafcass, was he emotionally abusive to the son?

Whathappensinthissituation · 02/04/2026 16:46

Yes, there was no abuse towards me but there has been towards my son, although he doesn't interpret it as emotional abuse. Things like banning my name from being mentioned, very emotional language in order to guilt ds into various things, asking ds not to mention certain things to me ike health and safety issues etc.

Social services spoke to ds, made a report for court, and have signed off as I am safeguarding appropriately, but the judge is very keen for ds to spend time with ex and keeps pushing all day contact. I've suggested phone, letterbox or shorter periods of contact and ex refuses. So I have to try and get ds to contact every 2 weeks, knowing it won't work, and I'm worried I'll be in breach. The judge doesn't seem to like women in general. Before anything else was said last time he started talking about women are capable of being manipulative.

All my evidence and actions show I'm transparent and that ex is manipulative though.

I have doctors reports, school reports and social work reports. Still the judge is pushing hard and so is ex.

OP posts:
Senmum2026 · 02/04/2026 16:50

You need to make DS avaliable. I would make a big show to ex of shouting up the stairs and saying Dad is here if you want to come and spend the day with him. Tell DS that it’s a choice and he can chose to come down stairs and see Dad or stay upstairs.

Whathappensinthissituation · 02/04/2026 16:53

Ex insists on a public drop off point unfortunately and I can't get ds out the door to get there.

OP posts:
pruningmybush · 02/04/2026 16:59

This happened to me. DS was 8. His headteacher (who supported him a lot);wrote a letter to the court which helped. The judge decided he was old enough to make up his own mind if he felt that strongly
(I had to endure endless bullying from a male cafcass officer before we went into the court room though)

pruningmybush · 02/04/2026 17:06

So sorry just read your later update. It's bonkers how hard you are expected to work rather than your ex being expected to do the work to make your son feel safe

pruningmybush · 02/04/2026 17:07

One thing I did was pay for my son to have a therapist. I felt the key was to build a network of independent people (school, therapist's) who could support (and if necessary, advocate for and safeguard) my son

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