Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Work/relationship dilemma - should I report or not?

6 replies

Anonymousical · 02/04/2026 14:38

Not sure what to do about this situation at work.

I work as a project manager, I'm not in management but I oversee a team producing specific pieces of work. I'm friends with another project manager, call her A, who does the same role but over a different team for a slightly different type of work, but we essentially do the same job. Our overall manager, call him B, manages 4 teams doing slightly different types of projects. The other two project managers I'm not as close to because I haven't worked with them as long. A has become quite close to one of her team, call him C, over time, as they share a sporting interest so started doing that together outside of work.

A and C are both married, unhappily as far as they say, and have become closer and closer (A has told me the details) until it's at least an emotional affair, bordering on a physical one (the odd kiss and a little more - I honestly don't think they've slept together, but absolutely not just friends either). After the odd kiss I've warned A, as a friend, about what a bad idea it is etc, the risk to her job and marriage/life, and to C's etc. Each time she's agreed and said 'never again' but it's still carrying on and I suspect they're crossing the line more rather than less to be honest but just keeping it secret.

Now A is telling me how her husband has suspected/knows and threatened to leave so they're going to marriage counselling but she's still doing the sport with C. As a friend I've told her nicely but bluntly she needs to put a stop to it, and again she's agreed but I've no idea if that's true.

Purely in my work role, forget personally, what do I do about this? If it was one of the other project managers, especially a man with a subordinate woman, I'd report it to my manager but I don't know if I should in this case -

  1. B is extremely close to A (I genuinely think there's nothing untoward there, they just started the department together originally and B is very lazy so depends on A to do half his work), so would almost certainly brush off anything I raised anyway and go straight to A about it.
  2. I'd obviously torpedo any working relationship with A, let alone friendship, she wouldn't forgive the 'telling on her'.

Between 1 and 2 I think I'd have to look for a new job which I can't really afford to be doing, but I feel ridiculous having seen what's happening and letting it continue. I've even suggested to A that C could transfer to one of the other teams, there's one that he'd be just as skilled for so it wouldn't look at all strange, but both of them want to stay on the same team.

OP posts:
ThirdStorm · 02/04/2026 14:40

I appreciate A is your friend but you know way too much about the love lives of your colleagues! I think you need to mind your business. All are adults so will need to make their own choices.

Fable2024 · 02/04/2026 14:40

What you do?

nothing

and focus squarely on your job

what a lot of drama but absolutely zilch to do with you

Anonymousical · 02/04/2026 14:42

A has told me about it completely voluntarily, I've never remotely asked, but I see the point - I should basically tell her to keep it to herself now.

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

MrTiddlesTheCat · 02/04/2026 15:13

A and C are despicable and on course to blowing up two families. Stay well out of it OP.

InWithPeaceOutWithStress · 02/04/2026 15:18

Stop trying to control the situation. She can talk to you about it if she wishes but you don’t need to act on it unless they’re behaving unprofessionally in the workplace.

Tuckshirtin · 03/04/2026 14:25

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page