How to reconnect with childfree friends after years in a baby bubble ?

[Gingerdeer]

I had two babies in the space of 18 months. Both EBF so I’ve not had much of a social life. I used to have a big fun social group who are mostly childfree. I have slowly drifted away from most of them over the past couple of years - I don’t think they particularly wanted to travel to me and it was too difficult for me to travel to them.

DC2 is 9mo now and I finally feel ready to emerge from my baby bubble and start going out / having fun - but I’m scared the ship has sailed. I don’t get invited to things anymore and the group chat has gone dead (I suspect there is a new one that I’m not in now).

How should I approach this?!?! Will they laugh in my face if I try to organise a meet-up? Should I just announce that I’m ready to be fun again and wait for the invites to roll in??? It’s been over 3 years of me either being pregnant or breastfeeding! HELP

But breastfeeding does limit your social capacity for a time. All my old friends (who don't have kids) live about an hour plus away and so for the first 6-9 months of DDs life either she came with me or I didn’t go. I never got much from pumping and was unclear if she'd take a bottle or settle and I didn't want to risk it.

So I had to say no to lots of evening stuff. They all came to see me at least once though and we met in the day as well. If they'd only have been willing to do evening stuff then I'd not have seen them for ages.

It sounds like these friends have been a bit crap too so I don't see why the OP should grovel. She just wants to reignite the friendships now she can go out.

OP 'I don't think they wanted to travel to me', when I want someone to visit I invite them. I'm unclear if OP did that and if so what the friends reasons are for not coming, all I can comment on is what OP says which is that she let the friendship go.

All you can do is reach out to them and invite them to do something you used to enjoy together.

You may find they have moved on, you may find they are understanding. You may find they aren't interested in picking up a friendship where they were let go for a time and are now wanting to pick up on your terms. You may find they don't want to be friends with someone with such a different lifestyle now you're a parent.

The only way to find out is to reach out and see what happens. It may take a while to catch up and feel part of the group again. They'll have had events and life happens you weren't part of, so that gap will take time to bridge.

If my friend had a new baby I'd be reaching out to them to say "let me know when you're up for visitors, what can I bring etc?'. Surely it's very normal to visit a new baby with a gift at least? I'd expect to travel to them at first.

I actually don't think her friends have behaved badly I think they are just at different life stages. But I don't think the OP has callously "dropped them because she has kids" as some posters are going in on her for. Friendship is give and take. I'm the only one of a lot of my friends with kids but we've maintained the friendships really well by both sides making an effort.