Name changed and deliberately vague as this would be very outing to people who know me.
A few months ago I had a baby however at the 20 week scan they were diagnosed with a medical condition which could have meant they would not have survived long into childhood. We were very fortunate in that this is now not the case and they only required treatment after birth however this meant uprooting our family for a few months to another city when they were born.
The pregnancy was excruciating waiting to find out what the condition would be. We have two other children and during the final months of pregnancy we found out my other child had a life long condition which needs managed daily and caused repeated hospital admissions.
On a day to day basis now my children are okay. We won’t know for a long time likely what medical needs my baby will have, if any at all. My other child’s needs are ongoing but currently stable.
However I am terrified of something being wrong with them or my other child. I worry about them going into hospital or worse. Day to day I cope well but moments alone I go over things or panick. Sometimes I feel really angry and I’m not sure why.
I get told I’m coping very well and I am, I do think I need to talk to someone. However I don’t qualify for support as I’ve been told I’m fine however in some moments I feel completely overwhelmed. I can’t afford anything private just now. The health visitor is very helpful however I know I come across as relaxed about everything and it’s not natural for me to open up to people I don’t know well. I’m just not sure where or how to ask for help or if these feelings will pass in time. I don’t believe I have PND as I am happy most of the time it’s just being terrified of something happening to my children.