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Autistic woman trying to understand friendships after inheriting money

44 replies

NimbleAzureViewer · 29/03/2026 13:11

I’m an autistic woman and I sometimes struggle to read people’s intentions or pick up on subtle social cues.
I recently inherited a small amount of money, and I’ve noticed a shift in how some of my peers interact with me. Some seem slightly uncomfortable or possibly envious, but it’s hard for me to tell what’s actually going on vs what I might be misinterpreting.
For example, I didn’t buy souvenirs for people after a trip and got called “stingy”. someone else told me that when I talk about things I’m buying (like a house), it makes them feel insecure because they can’t afford the same... after that, that same person started avoiding me!!

That’s made me question whether expectations and dynamics have changed now that people know I have money.
I’m trying to understand how people with more money build genuine friendships rather than relationships that are transactional or based on access.

Would appreciate honest perspectives.

OP posts:
RubyFatball · 29/03/2026 16:06

BiteSizeByzantine · 29/03/2026 15:26

Yes but people are nosey and can put you on the spot. It can be hard to say mind your flipping business politely if you are not skilled in doing so or cant see the inappropriateness of the question

Yes, OP telling one or two maybe down to nosey Parker’s but it sounded like she’s told a lot more.

NimbleAzureViewer · 29/03/2026 16:09

RubyFatball · 29/03/2026 16:06

Yes, OP telling one or two maybe down to nosey Parker’s but it sounded like she’s told a lot more.

For context, I was hosting a party...

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 29/03/2026 16:12

SwanRivers · 29/03/2026 14:07

That's true.

No-one's buying a house with a small amount of money unless they happen to be a miniature doll.

Exactly. A small amount of money wouldn't allow much of a change to your lifestyle. How much?

hellofrommyothername · 29/03/2026 16:12

KitsyWitsy · 29/03/2026 13:58

I inherited money. My friends all know. They’re my friends. Nobody has been weird to me about it. If your friends change because of money they could change due to other good fortune you get. Who needs friends like that?

Same - my dad died young, I bought a house in London almost straight out of uni, it was pretty obvious I hadn’t done it on my own so why not tell them. No one’s been weird or intrusive about it because they understand that people have different circumstances.

FoxtrotOscarKindaDay · 29/03/2026 16:16

NimbleAzureViewer · 29/03/2026 16:09

For context, I was hosting a party...

Announcing your finances at a party is crass. That's not a social norm.

NimbleAzureViewer · 29/03/2026 16:20

FoxtrotOscarKindaDay · 29/03/2026 16:16

Announcing your finances at a party is crass. That's not a social norm.

it was a house warming party

OP posts:
VoltaireMittyDream · 29/03/2026 16:24

NimbleAzureViewer · 29/03/2026 16:20

it was a house warming party

It’s not clear how much you told people about the amount you inherited / the amount you spent on the house. But generally keeping specific numbers out of it is wise & the polite thing to do.

Lararoft · 29/03/2026 16:28

Hi, I’m autistic, I inherited about 50k when my mum died; most people I know have probably guessed the amount as they know approximately how much the flats here sell for & it was split between me & my sister.. I tried not to discuss it tho & have been cagey when people asked anything.
No one has said anything negative because they know my mums death made me very ill, and I basically was unwell for over 2 years.

I think if friends of yours OP are being unpleasant then you should maybe distance yourself & reconsider whether they are actually good friends or not?

YerMotherWasAHamster · 29/03/2026 16:34

Your mistake was telling people you'd inherited money.

They did not need to know that.

This is what you have to ask yourself, whenever anyone asks you something.

Do they need to know
Do you want them to know

Just because someone asks you something does not mean you must answer them.

You should try to build up some stock responses to use when people ask you things.

BiteSizeByzantine · 29/03/2026 16:55

YerMotherWasAHamster · 29/03/2026 16:34

Your mistake was telling people you'd inherited money.

They did not need to know that.

This is what you have to ask yourself, whenever anyone asks you something.

Do they need to know
Do you want them to know

Just because someone asks you something does not mean you must answer them.

You should try to build up some stock responses to use when people ask you things.

The majority of people that I know asked me about inheritance the minute they knew my dad was terminally ill, before my dad even died. People are really rude and nosey now. People are happy to ask how much you earn, how much your house cost etc

YerMotherWasAHamster · 29/03/2026 16:58

BiteSizeByzantine · 29/03/2026 16:55

The majority of people that I know asked me about inheritance the minute they knew my dad was terminally ill, before my dad even died. People are really rude and nosey now. People are happy to ask how much you earn, how much your house cost etc

That's outrageous.
IMy dad died a few years ago and I would not have remained polite if I had been asked whether I was rolling in it now my dad had given up his oxygen habit.

Scripturient · 29/03/2026 16:59

Why did you start two threads about this, OP?

KeeleyJ · 29/03/2026 17:03

Don't talk about financial stuff with other people. The only person that knows whether I am a pauper or millionaire is my DH.

Not my parents, kids, siblings, friends or acquaintances.

Huckleberries · 29/03/2026 18:20

NimbleAzureViewer · 29/03/2026 16:20

it was a house warming party

That isn't really the point

Most people haven't got money and they can get jealous and resentful of people who do have money

only my immediate family know my financial situation.

I really hope you didn't mention an amount.

Quickqueensquirrel · 29/03/2026 18:25

I don't I don't know how many close friends you have OP, but I find it's generally not good to discuss coming into money or anything to do with money actually.
If it's a really good friend, someone I've known for a while and that I trust, then I might confide that I had come into money, but for the majority of people in everyday life that I chat with or consider to be friendly - no.
It's right up there with politics and religion as areas to be wary of discussing with those you don't know well.
BTW why would anyone expect you to bring them souvenirs from a holiday; and they call you " stingy"?
I know what I would call them.

Ohwhatfuckeryitistoride · 29/03/2026 19:48

I think and I may be wrong, op had a housewarming party and op maybe mentioned that she was able to buy the house because of her inheritance and one of her guests took umbrage and told her off. If so(and don't forget I'm wildly surmising) then that says more about the guest than the op. Nowhere is op saying that she was bragging or going into specifics. Some people just resent other people having any success or good luck.

RampantIvy · 30/03/2026 06:15

BiteSizeByzantine · 29/03/2026 16:55

The majority of people that I know asked me about inheritance the minute they knew my dad was terminally ill, before my dad even died. People are really rude and nosey now. People are happy to ask how much you earn, how much your house cost etc

You need better friends. No-one I know asked me about inheritance after my mum died.

Aprilshowers13 · 30/03/2026 06:42

I wouldn't have told them about the money !! It's never good to share stuff like that. .what food does it do

BiteSizeByzantine · 30/03/2026 09:39

RampantIvy · 30/03/2026 06:15

You need better friends. No-one I know asked me about inheritance after my mum died.

Obviously

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