Did your relationship with your dd recover after a fraught time with older teens?

[Bookloverforever]

Parents of older teens who have struggled with the last bit - if it was really fraught relationship - did you ever get the relationship back between you once they were a bit older?

my dd 18 is proving really hard work these last few months. I can’t do right at all , every move and conversation ends in an argument. I’m exhausted and worry about her.

I have posted under different names and people have been really helpful at reassuring me she’s “normal”

im hopeful that she will grow up / tensions with simmer down as she gets older

but she’s pushing me to the absolute limit and im so worried that the next time will see me telling her to just leave ! As it is after an argument this morning she has said she’s staying at her friends tonight (not a bad idea, let everyone calm down even if I feel like the worst parent)

I want her to feel secure at home until she leaves for uni (so there is some comfort in that hope in that 5 months time she’s likely to be leaving, and she has got a months work experience away from home coming up that I’m so hopeful will just give us all a break to simmer down)

but I don’t think we have had a pleasant conversation in 6 weeks and I’m worried we will end up always having a strained relationship.

has anyone been though this difficult year and built a good relationship with each other after?

honestly the age 18+ has been the hardest bit so far

Im sorry you are going through this OP. My daughter is 13 and its a helping time though to be fair it feels like she has been a teen since she was 8!
My two boys are 21 and 23 and now that their frontal lobes are developing (!) they are so different to the moody and sullen boys they were before. Im hoping the same will be for my daughter. Im trying to be warm but firm.

I was the daughter - I was an absolute asshole from 14-19 but when I came out the other end, my relationship with my mum was much closer than it had been even when I was a child and still is, many years later.

That’s really reassuring. Thank you. The thought of her hating me forever is awful

Yeah. My daughter is in her 40's now, and we have a laugh over her behaviour. She says she can't believe how stupid she was, as a teen. 😉

I was absolutely vile to my stepmother (who is basically my mother - I call her mum etc) for about seven years when I was a teenager. I never thought I’d like her. I was counting down the days until I could move out and never see her again. We’re now the best of friends, I see her every single day and I’m almost constantly on the phone to her! The hormones were wild, but it gets better. Don’t worry

Yes :) My ds1 was an absolute nightmare his entire teenage years... really truly awful!
He's lovely now.. he started becoming human again as he left his teens and we have a wonderful relationship now:)

I'm struggling with this as well. DS 18 and I clash, not just polar opposite views but he will not rest until I agree with him. He seems to think me and his dad have failed utterly in life and he is going to be so much better!
Some of it feels like "teenager" but some of it feels really hard to get over and it feels hard to believe that someone like him could have grown up in our house. (He was lovely til around 14).

Ds1 was super tricky! Even now at 25 he can still be spiky but he has definitely mellowed and is responsible and is more respectful. Our relationship is very good but his actions and words affected ds2 quite a bit I think underneath and although they are close something does linger there. Ds1 is now engaged, owns a home, works hard and we love him. He is kind and generous so I think we are ok in the end. I wonder sometimes how he will cope if his dc struggle like he did and although i do not want him to go through it, it would be interesting!

Yes, mine absolutely did. She was hellish from around 13 - 18. She's 28 now and we have a fab relationship.

Yes. I had an awful teen time with my mum but we became very close during my 20’s and still are in my 50’s. Only advice I would give, is of course to keep boundaries in place, but to not give up. She will push you away but always let her know you are there if she needs you and that you love her. Always give her a route back. I was having a very hard time mentally, which neither her nor I really understood at the time.

Thanks for your reassurance.

we have had an awful chat this evening. I kept myself really calm for the most part and didn’t react to the awful things she was saying, but safe to say the little chat about behaviour and speaking kindly fell on deaf ears.

she did clean the purple hair die out of the bath she had left behind though, so I suppose that’s a win.

she’s leaving in a day and a half for just shy of a month and I’m so hopeful it will act as a breaker for us.

she does get on slightly better with her dad , but tbh though out her life she has swayed to favouring one of the other of us.