How to talk to DD eating in secret?

[scoobydeedoo]

DD is 12 and this isn't the first time I've found wrappers shoved down the side of her bed, hidden places in her room.

I was clearing out a basket on her bookshelf and found multiple biscuits wrappers, sweet wrappers and cadburys chocolate bar wrappers (chocolate I keep in the cupboard for baking) I really don't know how best to speak to her about this, because from age 11+ I did the same thing, I would binge on anything I could get and have been overweight ever since, constantly struggling with my weight.

My DM took what I feel was the completely wrong approach, she told me she "couldn't have a fat daughter", wouldn't let me have the same things my siblings had, put me on diets and weighed me every week and wouldn't buy me new clothes unless I had lost a certain amount of weight. This created a lifetime of issues for me around food and I've yoyo'd with my weight up and down for years.

DD is very tall for her age, going through puberty, has a sweet tooth but she was recently weighed at the Dr and she is a healthy weight for her height. I don't want to make her feel ashamed or say anything that may upset her or cause any issues, but I am concerned about this from a health point of view, I don't want her to end up like me if I say the wrong thing.

How should I approach this? Me and DH recently made the decision that the whole family needed to cut down on the unhealthy snacks because I knew that our diets weren't great, and I thought it had been going well (with a bit of grumbling from my youngest!) so I'm worried that maybe she is just hungry because we have cut down on the amount of snacks, or if this is normal for her age?

Would really appreciate any advice!

Tell her that she doesn't need to hide wrappers and sneak food in secret. That eating is nothing to be ashamed of.
Though obviously you'd rather she didn't eat at night after she's brushed her teeth as it's not good for oral hygiene.

Ask her if they are certain foods she'd like, would she like to cook some meals? Try something new? You could look at some healthy recipes together. If she likes sweets things she could learn to bake healthier versions of the biscuits etc. Then you wouldn't need to buy them.

Try and approach it in a way that gets her interested in food and it's contents, not demonising her or making eating seem shameful.

Just tell her you found the wrappers and you think she's eating too much sugar, which is bad for her teeth.

No need to mention weight or anything like that.

I would however mention pest control and tell her she needs to put her wrappers in the bin.

I agree you need to speak to her and tell her that she doesn't need to eat in secret.

If you've cut out the unhealthy snacks but not replaced them with anything, she may well be hungry. Maybe have a chat with her about some ideas for snacks she'd like to eat. You can also reassure her that the fact you're trying to cut down on chocolate etc doesn't mean it's a banned food that she has to hide. Try to agree a balanced approach together.

I also grew up with a mum who had a lot of shame about food and weight so appreciate it's difficult without a role model!