Crushing loneliness - how do I dig myself out?

[Pleasesuggestaname]

I am so alone. And normally I manage and it’s fine, it is what it is. But this week it is crushing me down and I have no one to turn to. How do you deal with having no one?

For content: exH walked out about 18 months ago, completely out of the blue. I don’t get on with my parents and extended family live far away. I have ‘friends’ but none that I can turn to when I feel like this.

I'm autistic and mask so well that everyone thinks I just cope with everything. I actually don’t know how to say ‘help me I’m not coping I need someone’ without feeling like I’m pathetic and a burden.

It also seems like everyone is going through their own crap - the few friends I have who I could maybe talk to have their own problems, they don’t need me making it worse.

I can’t stop crying. I’ve thought about calling the Samaritans because they’re the only people I can think of to talk to. Which just made me feel worse because how sad is that.

I just needed to vent. If you’ve read it thank you.

Why does the idea of phoning the Samaritans make you feel bad? It’s something I would really recommend. Because their main aim is to reduce the number of deaths by suicide, there’s a perception that the Samaritans is only for people who have reached that point. The majority of callers are not actively suicidal, loneliness is really common in lots of callers.

It's shit sometimes, isn't it?

I've lived like this for so long I've kinda adjusted, but took me years to make peace with it. And like you, when I hit a bad patch still all I can do is cry alone until it passes.

I completely hear you when you say you don't feel like you can burden your friends. You vent away here.

I'm afraid I'm just off to bed, but I'll be back in the morning. Hope you can get some sleep.

Do you think you could have a go at calling them tonight?

Hi OP,
Sorry you are experiencing this 💐
Well done for posting and sharing.

It might help to think about - what do you actually need? And then you can take steps to get those needs met. (And then realise Oh! I can do something about this!)

For example:
Do you need help articulating your need for support to the friends you do have?
Do you need to develop a new social circle locally?
Do you need help to process anger/grief etc after your ex leaving?
Do you need to get some of the emotions out of your system, eg a support group or exercise or more self care etc
Do you need to chat to your gp etc

hope that is not too clinical and not too overwhelming; it is meant to be supportive!

Also sending a non-munsnetty hug.

On days when I feel like this I allow myself to cry, feel sorry for myself etc but I make sure the next day I get outside, get a long walk in, and have some human interaction, even if it’s just going to a friendly coffee shop and chatting to the barista for 2 minutes.

I know you say your friends have their own issues, but a problem shared is a problem halved, maybe reach out to them and ask if they need a chat, this will help deepen the friendships you have.

And as above, the Samaritans are great resource.

Morning.

Oh dear you sound so much like me.!
Im autistic, I ditched my ex husband about 5 years ago. I have children. Im estranged from my family so have no family support whatsoever.
I have 'text friends' aplenty. some local, some not however we don't meet up or spend time together we just text each other as a friendship.! I think they are lonely and I am too that's why we do that.

I don't have any real friends that I meet up with, becos whenever I make a plan I seem to make an excuse or I don't have time due to my children responsibilities (they are autistic aswel)
So text friends works for me.

Do you have a text friend ? Im available if you ever want to txt me. Even just for some background support.

I know a couple of people who volunteer for Samaritans - it's a service precisely for people like you who just need a friendly, non judgemental chat.
If you feel like your friends have too much going on in their own lives to talk, then maybe you could consider if you have time to take up a new interest or do something like volunteer where you could feel more purposeful and around people?

The only that helped me was having things to look forward to, even if it’s a walk, bookshop, cake on a bench with a nice view.

exercise helps, also reach out to friends to book something in, lunch?

You don't need to burden your friends with anything heavy. If your issue is that you are feeling lonely you just need to make plans with the friends you have. It doesn't need to be anything serious or taxing, just suggest you do something that will be fun. It won't fix all your problems of course but if both you and them are going through things it can be very beneficial to just do something else to take your mind off of things. Save the heavy stuff for a professional and in the meantime focus on building a social life.

@Pleasesuggestaname how are you feeling this morning? What’s the day ahead looking like? Are you going to work or have anything else you might do to get you out of the house?