How to talk to unrelated teen about strong body odour

[hmmnotreallysure]

I volunteer for a youth organisation where we also have teen volunteers. We have a teen volunteer with extremely strong and unpleasant body odour. The whole room smells when you walk in to it if she’s been there. This last week it was even more unpleasant than the previous week, lots of adults and young people noticed and commented to other adults (teens not children).

Its an unwashed/unclean smell as opposed to a BO sweat smell. After she has volunteered with me she attends the youth group for her age that follows on afterwards.

Now as I am lead volunteer in the group that she helps out in I feel it falls to me to have to deal with and I have absolutely idea how to approach it. Her home life isn’t standard but no issues to raise, I’ve never met her parents as she comes up to the group on her own by bus or gets a lift. There is also some level of ND I suspect (if relevant to approach). I don’t want to upset her obviously but it needs to be said as I have to hold my breath when near to her as it’s so unpleasant, we volunteer with young children so wouldn’t want one of them to comment but also I worry it’s isolating her in her youth group as she’s new-ish to it.

I am going to seek advice from the youth organisation on how to approach but wondered if anyone has actually had this conversation and if so what did you say? I’ve never had to have a conversation like this before.

This immediately brought up "Jean". I sat next to her in Maths in 2nd-Yr (Y8) Grammar. We're talking late 1950s. She was a nice girl, intelligent, a loner. I liked her. But she utterly stank. It was hard to stay alongside her in the lesson. As in "hard to breathe" territory. Unwashed clothes, unwashed body, period-weeks you'd need a mask. I felt so sorry for her. But I never said a thing. Didn't know how to. I was 13yrs old, didn't have the competence/skill/experience to broach the in-your-face subject.
As far as I know, none of the staff stepped in either.
She lived alone with her father. I imagine she just had to drag herself up.
She was intelligent and nice. But, unsurprisingly, she had no friends.
No-one, as far as I know, ever helped her sort herself out.
This is 67yrs ago and I can still see her face.

Honestly if this was me what I would do is log it in your system as a potential concern given she's under 16 and this could be that she's resistant to wearing different clothes etc so avoids washing, or it could be a neglect issue, you don't know enough at the moment to pass anything on. In the past I've also contacted gateway and just said I was working with x and wanted to see if they were known to social services. Gateway can then tell you they're either not on their books or put you in touch with the social worker if there is one which is helpful when there's a niggle but not anything concrete enough to complete a safeguarding report.

What I would also do is arrange 1-1s with all the volunteers to talk about volunteer progression and ask if there's anything they would like support with, any training you could arrange for them or any ideas they have they would like help to do with the group and gives them a space to chat about any issues they're having. In hers I'd actually just be gentle but direct and explain that when you're volunteering you're being a role model and younger kids learn from you. And self care is a really important part of that as we all deserve to look after our bodies and keep them clean and healthy. I'd just say to her that you noticed that sometimes she has a bit of body odour, tell her it's very common and normal for young people her age and while it's nothing to be embarrassed about, it is good to keep on top of it.

I'd tell her you're leaving some nice towels and soaps and nice deodorant in the bathroom for her so if she wants to come in early and use any of that to freshen up before she starts then that will be there for her (or anyone else who needs it) to use. And then I'd ask her if there's anything going on at home that's making if difficult for her to practice good self care as it's your job to support her and you care about her. And see what she says. Once you've done that I'd ring home and speak to dad and explain this is a conversation you've had to have and ask if there's any issues they're seeing at home that he thinks would be good for you to know about or any support they need.

In my experience, this can also happen when the parents themselves are vulnerable and they just can't pass on the skills they don't have themselves through no fault of their own.

So I personally would lay it out for her in a really supportive, not a big deal way. In the past I've taken kids laundry home and washed it for them where parents weren't able to do it so they always had a clean t-shirt and hoodie to put on each day and they just swapped it out in the centre so that's also worth considering. We'd have kept sanitary products, deodorant, shampoo and body wash, toothbrushes and toothpaste and ensured there was a private bathroom young people can wash in if needed. I'd also check if she's using deodorant as opposed to body spray.

I think it's really good you're addressing this supportively as so many more young people are really vulnerable than people realise. I remember one person I worked with who was homeless and sofa surfing and I had to go and speak to the staff in their youth centre about how they were responding to the issue because they really didn't bother to look behind the scenes and humiliated the young person instead.

If it is not a BO smell then she needs to be seen by a Doctor to investigate metabolic or internal health issues. People with, for example, Epilepsy or Diabetes can have severe body odour and may need being diagnosed to rule out issues like you describe. I am surprised that, even though you are a volunteer, you have not had to have had a Health and Safety course which would have covered these conditions as both can be life threatening.

@MMASwhen I say it’s not BO, I mean it’s not just sweat with no deodorant, it’s unwashed, unclean, greasy, so beyond just regular BO. It’s very unpleasant and very obviously unclean. One of the other young leaders said that the smell was like a sanitary bin.

I have spoken with my lead volunteer about it and he is happy to make a phone call to the responsible parent about it. I’m hoping that once the conversation has been had that we’ll notice a change. I guess we’ll have to see what happens when we get back after Easter.

I have been out today and bought deodorant, body spray and intimate wipes to stock in the toilet cupboard. I’ve also made a sign to put on the toilet door that says help yourself to any hygiene products, I’ll make sure I keep an eye on it and replenish when necessary.

Thank you all for the suggestions, I am hoping that the converse with the RP resolves the issue, I’m not sure if it will if I’m honest but I guess we’ll see.

I work in a large supermarket where there’s a lot of teens and this kind of thing is brought up in most training sessions, they say you work around other people so everyone has to make sure you’re public ready, that means a wash and deodorant.

When they said it I thought of one of my sons in particular who unfortunately has a default smell since he has become a teen that isn’t pleasant so needs to wash, use roll on and spray. He was very average to daily showering at the start but then his brother randomly said he smelt nice after he’d had a shower and it was like something clicked (he had been so used to us discreetly and not discreetly bringing it up).

Then she may well be at risk in her own home environment as no RP would send their child out stinking. There is a certain tone to your posts i.e. not really appreciating that this girl may well have serious issues which causes the problem and could very well stem from her home environment. Perhaps your club is her only safe place and find another way to deal with the issue that makes her feel valued and somewhat loved. God only knows what the result will be for her with a phonecall from the club to the so called RP - have you thought about that. You appear to have good intentions so start from there - putting signs up and supplying products is not the way forward I feel in this case if it is as bad as you imply.

I remember having to deal with a similar issue with a slightly younger teenager at a youth club.
With some gentle questioning, it turned out to be a combination of mother being a useless lazy piece of work who rarely did any laundry or any other housework (Grandmother was even worse so definitely non learned behaviour) together with a weirdly designed house with a downstairs bathroom with no lock on the door which opened off a living room that was frequently occupied by an endless succession of different men, so the poor girl never felt safe enough to shower.
We contacted her school for advice and they pushed social services, who actually did already have the family on the radar and things definitely improved.
She was a lovely girl and it was great to watch her blossom over the next couple of years.

Yes thats the correct process

We have this issue with schools, sometimes youthclubs or other agencies where they refer in on an issue like this, a support need/CHIN level issues and our first question is 'do you have the parents consent'

They reply - havent spoken to the parents, we didnt think we should speak to the parents

Yes you need to speak to the parents in the first instance UNLESS it is a clear CP issue where the child has injuries or has disclosed injury/abuse and you suspect that the perpetrator is one of the parents, the reason you wouldnt speak to the parents in that situation is that a) they can coach the child to retract any allegation and b) it may compromise a police investigation if there is a crime committed.

But in all other circumstances you should be liaising with the child's parents and the child also at her age as its not like seeing a dirty or smelly toddler, she may be making her own choices.

Someone also mentioned up thread about medical conditions, there is a medical condition which results in the odour you describe OP, a sort of stale, unwashed, musty smell, I cant remember the name of it.

The smell you describe could be due to bacterial vaginosis, and could be just one of many STDs the poor girl is suffering from. Often the sufferer is unaware of the odour. Attempts to self treat can actually make it worse, such as disinfectant and strong smelling toiletries.
There could well be a safeguarding issue, SA by DF should not be ruled out. Poor hygiene is a safeguarding red flag even if it is due to just lack of access to hygiene. You must have a safeguarding lead, this is just the situation where you report to them and follow policy. The girl may already be known to other agencies and reporting will trigger further investigation.