Thanking my Agent of The Patriarchy for his help during a long illness

[learieonthewildmoor]

I have been ill with various debilitating illnesses for over a year now and have had to rely on my AoTP to do my jobs for me. Things I would like to be happily thankful for:

• Keeping alive my peace lily which I have had for over twenty years by watering it (I didn’t like it initially and tried to kill it by neglect, thus discovering the best system of watering my houseplants)
• keeping alive my jade plant by not watering it
• stop putting shit on my bookshelf, and remove the crap he has put there
• putting my clothes away where I can find them. Behold! I have just found 4 pairs of summer pants in my winter clothes drawer. This one is a self own, because there’s a pair of his pants there. Really annoyed by this one, because I was lying down on the bed and told him what drawer to put them (all items placed on the bed must be inspected by Cat One prior to sleeping on)
• hanging up my linen pants and not folding them (they’re in the pile on the bed)

There have been many more but I didn’t take photos. He insists this is not weaponised incompetence or malicious compliance. I have instigated a system of fines where I buy unnecessary makeup or shoes each time I’m annoyed and I could have a thread in style and beauty three pages long with just my own contributions.

Is this light-hearted or are you on the verge of divorce? Sorry for your year of illness. It sounds like it could've been tough for you both.

Yes, is this lighthearted or ?
I don’t think you understand that a partner taking on the work of 2 adults plus caring for an ill partner means that standards are going to drop.

Frustrating but none of it terrible, or deliberate it seems.

Hoping this is light-hearted because otherwise you sound like you don't like him much. I'm assuming there are lots of nice things he's done?

Whose money are you using to buy your "finest", Op??

Can't work out if this is light hearted or serious. Living with someone with long term illnesses can be very hard.

Asking whether the post is light-hearted is the way disapproving mumsnetters put the OP on the back foot and make them defend themselves. I take it that people have found it funny, but think I sound exasperated. I’m surprised that’s confusing.
That I hate my AoTP or want to divorce him is a bit of a leap: the thread would have been posted in relationships in that case, surely.

I was taken aback at being asked whose money I’m spending: another very hostile question. What a rude way to ask someone to explain their finances/marital status.

Having a partner become ill for a long period is very stressful for both. I’ve shared some of the things that have been negatives for me. How anyone can look at that peace lily and not feel sorry for me, I don’t know.
It is difficult for women to be seen criticising men in our patriarchy so women don’t like to do it: so I understand why posters haven’t been roundly critical.

However, we all know men are much more likely to abandon their female partners than the other way round and asking me to detail the “nice” things he’s done is a bit too much like being grateful he hasn’t left me.
I am surprised no-one likes my system of fines: it’s been a great way not to be nagging, and not feel guilty about buying shoes I do not strictly need. I tend to forget not everyone grew up with guilt.

Hope you're feeling better now x

No, sadly I’m still unwell and likely to be so for the near future. I’ve read a thread by posters coping with being ill long term and can see I’m much much crankier.

To be fair with all the word salads your posting, it is kind of hard to tell if you're being light hearted or not.

Anyway, hope you feel better soon.

SwanRivers: it is difficult to quickly write a clear post that people with different levels of spelling and grammar can all understand.

I can only say how fantastic my late husband was when I was very ill - even down to having a whole new bathroom put in to help me manage. I have no idea where he put the washing or how he watered the plants - he supported me while battling his own illness.

Most of us manage just fine.

That poor poor lilly. I hope he raises his game and you never feel gratitude for jobs shitely done. I say this as someone with a partner with a long term illness. But you know I have tits so crack on doing everything with some success.

In my experience it tends to be those who aren't very good at writing that blame the audience for their own failures to accurately convey their meaning. Sarcasm and irony are not the easiest to carry through the written word alone so if you're not very good at such it's usually best to avoid the attempt.

Yes, a mentor of mine once said that any vagueness in writing was on the writer not the reader. He was a high court judge.

I am surprised no-one likes my system of fines: it’s been a great way not to be nagging, and not feel guilty about buying shoes I do not strictly need.

Most of us who have been or are long term chronically ill do not have money to waste on fripperies. It is also a passive aggressive form of sabotaging your partner. Not only do they have to take on the role of sole breadwinner and carer, they must now be constantly trying to curb spending on nonessentials so the couple can afford the extra costs that come with being chronically ill.

Oh my god, what an unpleasant bunch of commenters.

You set the precedent.

You’re genuinely complaining he put stuff on shelves in his own house, forgot to water a plant, and put the wrong pants in the wrong drawer? Righto.

Agreed- I'm quite shocked actually at the general po-facedness. For what it's worth, I found your post wryly amusing and your irony and sarcasm was not lost on me. It's quite plainly light-hearted. Hence your reference to AotP in the title (the clue came really quite early on!).
I honestly don't know what's up with all the ernest posters taking things very literally.
Hope you feel better soon OP.
P.s nice cat 😺

It is difficult for women to be seen criticising men in our patriarchy so women don’t like to do it

Not on here it’s not, what an odd thing to say.

He’s an agent of the patriarchy because he watered your plants wrong and creased your linen trousers by folding instead of hanging them?
Nah, team husband here. The man’s annoying you, not abusing you, and also probably doing a lot of caring stuff and household management at the moment.

Maybe it’s my previous experiences of DV but I find these jokes about patriarchy in the op just not relatable at all.