What’s it like to be a twin?

[Toddlertiredp]

I recently had twins (absolutely lovely babies but utter chaos! Also have a 2 year old).
However if you’re a twin, what’s it like being a twin? And is there anything you wish your parents had done differently or anything they did that really helped?
Also if your a sibling of twins, what was it like growing up? I worry about my elder child growing up and being left out. Excuse my grammar, I am severely sleep deprived!

I have boy/girl twins with an elder boy (2 years older). I have to say having twins is amazing, although I think maybe same gender may make it more special?

I have boy twins, and they have a brother one year older.
twins 6, older bro 7.
they are one another’s best friends and worst enemies in equal measures! I have SO many adorable memories/videos of them giggling away with one another in a way they never do with their older bro. They are both close to older bro and share different interests with him, but they are definitely closer as a pair.
they are in separate classes at school, and therefore have a lot of different friends. Still one another’s best friends though, you can just see it.
I don’t think their older bro feels left out… he’s very much “oh those two”! With me and his dad.
they get VERY used to answering “no, we aren’t triplets. We are twins, and he’s 11 months older”.
i tell my second twin, he’s the best surprise I ever had.

I'm an identical twin. It's a very special relationship. We formed a strong alliance growing up and I think our younger sister felt envious and excluded (she went to boarding school which didn't help as she was always fighting for attention during the holidays). We always had each other's back - it was us against the world! Our parents made sure that we had our own identities (we were never dressed alike) and were obsessive about not showing any favouritism. They arranged for us to go into separate classes at secondary school so there was less competition (although she was always a swot and better than me at EVERYTHING!). In later life we would often show up wearing identical outfits or reading the same book. We had a very strong bond and I miss her terribly (she died suddenly 4 years ago). Cherish your twins and nurture them as individuals.

Great idea for a thread @Toddlertiredp. I have twins so am fascinated by @pinesofrome post. Especially the bit about having not planned it but turning up in the same outfit. Were you shopping together when you bought the same clothes?

Did you experience the ESP thing? Just “knowing” when she was upset or hurt I mean.

I'm so sorry she’s no longer with us. Very difficult indeed. 💐

Also interested in the answers on this post. I have 5 month old non-ID boys who I’m desperately trying (and failing) to keep asleep while I suffer with a rotten cold 😂

Sorry to hear about your twin pinesofrome. Your post was interesting. I hope my boys have a strong bond.

My dad is the sibling of twins. He basically said he felt like an only child as they just had each other and he was always separate. The twins live next door to each other in their home town. They’re all in their seventies now and my dad doesn’t really have a relationship with them.

My best friend growing up was an identical twin. We were very close, I did feel left out on occasion but not often. They were close but not each others best friends. Her twin had a close friend too and they made a point of not leaving us out when we were around. We went to different senior schools so lost touch. Coincidentally, I worked with the other twin for a while a few years ago. When people found out she was a twin she brought some photos in, everyone exclaimed how identical they were but I knew them apart in every photo which was lovely for me as I had such fond memories of her.

Congratulations! There is 18 months between my older daughter and my b/g twins. They are all close although they live a very long way away from each other (they’re at uni now) they talk regularly. I don’t really think of my twins as twins, more like siblings if that makes sense.

I can really identify with @pinesofrome . I am also an identical twin and we have the closest relationship. Our parents were quite insistent that we developed our own individual identities, they didn't dress us alike and didn't like us being referred to as "the twins". My mum said that we had our own language as toddlers and I often think that we sort of do now laughing at things that no one else would understand! We WhatsApp each other about all sorts of things virtually everyday - sometimes even the same message!!
When my twin had her daughter my boobs grew overnight and stayed a bigger size until she stopped breastfeeding !
We have been through some difficult times and sometimes very competitive with each other but I really enjoy the special connection we have now which I don't often see with regular sisters.

I'm so sorry for your loss @pinesofrome
There's something just totally heartbreaking about a twin loosing their twin 😪
I have 7 year old non identical twin girls. They look very alike and still like to have the same coats as each other sometimes but dont dress the same. One of them just got her hair cut to her shoulders last week while the other one kept hers long, their football coach is delighted to be able to finally tell them apart on the pitch. They are thick as thieves at home but have mostly separate friends in school. They are nothing alike personality wise. I never call them 'the twins'

I work with /am friends with someone who is a twin and they are NOT close with their twin!

They weren't especiallly encouraged to wear matching things but were just very different and in competition I think....

as adults one has brown hair and one has blonde.... shes did "arts" and is now in big tech and her sister is a lawyer.
She was laughing because her sister was always "I'm the smart one" and my friend earns more / is more "successful"

The other twins i know did the same degree and even work at the same company. They will 4 roads away from each other and their wives look quite similar!

I'm a twin, my twin is, and always has been, my best friend. Our parents asked for us to be separated at school so we would make our own friends...but we never had different friends until we were late teens. When we had to choose our gcses, they made us go in different rooms and choose independently....but we chose the same 4 subjects and ended up in the same classes. We still are competitive about lots of things, I think because weve always had people comparing us.

We didnt dress the same as kids, but like @pinesofrome we have occasionally met wearing an item of clothing thats the same.

As teens we had different hairstyles but it used to annoy me that some people didnt seem to make any effort to tell us apart....so they'd say which one are you every time they saw us. Im used to people calling me the wrong name, and it doesnt bother me now, I recently went somewhere and 3 different people came up to chat to me thinking I was my sister.

It sounds silly but I felt really awful when my own DC went to preschool, school, hobbies etc not knowing anyone and having to go and make friends. I literally never went anywhere where I didnt have a friend until I was an adult!

I am so sorry for your loss @pinesofrome it must be unbearable 💐

I have a friend who has identical twins. I am glad to see so many PPs mentioning they were brought up to have separate identities. My friend has not done this - both wore the same clothes, they were only allowed To go to a club if both went (parents thought it to be too inconvenient otherwise), the parents were very unhappy it only one was invited on a play date. They’re now very dependent on each other and don’t have any friends.

Adult twin here! 🙋‍♀️ (Non-identical sisters, I am the eldest twin but we as “the twins” are the youngest of sibling group of four if that makes sense). Generally it’s great, but having said that it just is how it’s always been you don’t know any different! It’s a special connection in my opinion. Not saying we never had our bickering but now as adults definitely I would say my twin is 100% the person I am closest to and my best friend. In primary school we were in separate classes which I think was helpful to provide us our own space as quite different in personalities in some ways (although more alike I think now as adults) but otherwise we always had each other for company but also just someone else day to day going through the broadly similar life stages especially when younger at school etc. We also had some shared hobbies etc. but also were encouraged and able to pursue our own things if we wanted which I think helped when getting to adulthood and having our own lives and individual things you had to do which would have been much more daunting had we never been apart. We definitely have the same thoughts often but not sure if that is anything to do with being twins more just shared experiences. Naturally there can be ups and downs and sometimes you can find yourself comparing particularly when the same age with expectations etc. but would say this could be the same for anyone of a similar age and more about supporting one another really. Overall, would recommend 👏😂

I’m a twin boy/girl and we haven’t spoken for three years. Shared a womb but don’t share values or how to treat people apparently!

@dizzydizzydizzy I know of two pairs of older twins (one set in their 70s and one passed away now) who lived together their whole lives and continue to dress alike.
Whilst my twin and I like to spend some weekends away/ holidays together as adults and as mentioned speak / message often multiple times a day I think it's very unhealthy to be so dependent and not have that opportunity for growth and independence.
My twin got married a long time before me and I remember finding that "separation " stage very difficult . But I think that's part of growing up and creating your own identity

My friend is a twin, and his wife is about to have twins. I gather that’s quite rare as it’s passed down maternally, so it’s just chance that he’s fathered twins.

He’s obviously bricking it about impending twin fatherhood, but he’s thrilled that his kids will have a shot at having the relationship that he has with his sister.

I’ve twin cousins (b/g) and they haven’t spoke in 10 years. Through my work I assess children and have had several sets of twins. It’s heartbreaking when one twin has difficulties but the other doesn’t as it’s so easy for everyone to compare due to exact age.

I have twin (g/g) friends I grew up with who are the best of friends. Did the same sport to a very high level and travelled the world.