Handhold needed. Unexpected period after decade without: comfort tips and TV or book ideas?

[FFSToEverythingSince2020]

As the title says. I’ve had truly rotten health since about 2009, it looked a bit hopeful in 2019 and then Covid hit me twice, and I haven’t seen hide nor hair of my period in a MINIMUM of ten years. Possibly slightly more. Tests showed my body stopped making all the necessary hormones. I have a whole team of very confused specialists trying to figure out the WHY of it, but for right now…

-Why are the only pads in the house scented!!!! It smells like my pants are filled with Zoflora. Are there people who like scented pads or are they designed by men?

-MOST IMPORTANT: What would you do to comfort yourself? I think I have a hot water bottle somewhere? What have you been watching or reading lately when you feel physically and emotionally raw?

I feel like an idiot for not just knowing how to distract myself, like an adult, but it’s been so rotten, and I’m already on antibiotics for a gnarly infection.

I'd run that passed your GP.

My GP is aware. It’s definitely a period. They’re trying to work out why.

Oh, I feel for you, that is a lot to process.

I don't understand who buys the scented things - it drives me mad. It's got to the point where you have to check so carefully because I have opened a couple of packs that did not say they were scented. It's ridiculous!

okay, so you've got a hot water bottle? That's good. Try and watch something straightforward that's not going to upset you. It might be unsettling as it's been such a long time.

Do you like art? A nice art programme might be a good idea. Or watch something you've watched before so you know it won't upset you.

I was on the pill for years and years because of my horrible periods. I'm not on it anymore. I really miss the non-periods that you get on the contraceptive pill!

Hope you're okay.

Scented pads and scented toilet paper are evil, and I can’t understand who buys them.

Can you send someone out for non scened? Or deliveroo?

Usually the cheapest own brand are safe, but DD and I have taken to sniffing the packet carefully before buying.

I’d suggest a binge watch of something you’ve watched before and enjoyed, nothing that needs too much effort. Hot water bottle, blanket and a snack of your choice.

Hope you feel better soon.

@EmeraldRoulette Thank you so much and that’s brilliant; I was thinking about your art comment and suddenly realized I think I’d really fancy watching some David Attenborough, so I’m putting him on - thank God for iPlayer.

And yes, it’s really… tough? Confusing? It was a blessing when they disappeared because I have a rheumatological condition that causes sores around intimate areas and it would always flare like crazy before my periods, back when I had them. Sure enough, my condition has been going mad for two weeks, but it never occurred to me that it might be this. I proper panicked like a wally yesterday when I first went to the toilet in the morning, but imagine how shocked you’d be! I’ve recovered from health anxiety luckily, but I definitely had a 15-second wobble where I thought, “What if it’s cancer?!?” But it’s just a totally normal (albeit a little extra awful) period!

And yes!!!! To you and @PineappleCoconut - I can’t even FIND where it says scented on the package so I’m not mad at my DH at all for buying them. He couldn’t have known and I didn’t warn him he’d have to be in the fanny pad aisle with a magnifying glass looking for “scented” labels. Buying own brand is a good idea. DH is getting me some unscented right now and I told him he honestly might need to sniff the package.

And yes @PineappleCoconut - good shout; I’m going to watch a series I’ve watched before like Earth or Life. Thank you!

What age group are you, and are you in meno or peri - if you've had the tests to find out. I'm going through a similar issue but I'm in meno for years, so it's a bit scary for me!

For comfort I honestly just put my electric blanket on and get into bed, where I'll watch cop cams on Facebook videos. My favourite switch off and I'd only admit it here 😊

The other thing I do is to eat something sinful like a massive cream cake (or two) and feck the guilt.

All creatures great and small is my comfort TV (the new one)

They don’t even say things like ‘Scented’ on them, they are all coy and use euphemisms like ‘fresh’
We ask DH to sniff them too. He does get the odd odd look, but he DNGAF. He will usually then video call one of us and ask if we want the lemon or lime tampons, instead of regular or super 😆

I’m early 40s and I stopped having periods, full stop, in my early 30s.

Ok, people being foolish on cop cams DOES sound a bit appealing at the moment, to be honest…

So! No one really knew why they stopped. I mean, when my periods disappeared, they tested everything and I had completely stopped making ALL the hormones - oestrogen, testosterone, progesterone, and one more that I think was aldosterone. The doctors and I made a half-hearted attempt at the time to restart it (I didn’t really WANT it, because it causes me so much extra pain). Then I just… got on with life. I’ve had so much health bullshit and was in such a toxic situation, that it’s been lower priority pretty much since it happened.

But now it’s back and it’s evil; my joints hurt so badly last night that I had to say no to cuddles with DH and felt like an ogre, and I mean actual cuddles. There’s a few big fears for me now that I’m just ignoring until I have to deal with them. My disease made my asexual when I lost my hormones and I should have noticed in the last month-ish, I have felt a lot more awake in that way, but I had no idea it meant THIS was coming! I don’t know what my DH is thinking, I don’t know if a sexual relationship would work for us, etc etc.

Not sure if you’re in peri or full menopause, but either one can really mess with your emotions, your logic, your compassion, your appetite, just everything - so unmumsnet hugs to you.

@notmyfirstrodeo2 Thank you! I do love that show so maybe I’ll see who has it on demand. Maybe it’s BBC?

First proper laugh of the day, thank you!!!! Why ARE they coy like that? Is this a conspiracy to sell more Canestan when every woman using scented ones eventually gets an infection??? The lemon lime tampons 😂 My DH would do that. I might ask him to video call me 😬 (He’s out at an appointment from 1130 to 1230 and then picking them up for me).

Things that have helped me:
An orgasm
Exercise
Ibuprofen
Warm bath/hot water bottle
Mashed banana on toasted seeded bread

@FFSToEverythingSince2020 Thanks for your kind words. I'm sure you don't need me barrelling in with advice or anything like that since you seem to have been through the gamut of medical stuff for a long time anyway. I hope it's just one of those things, and that you manage to cope with it all!

I'm in full meno for over ten years. Never had a gynae problem in my life and don't take HRT either, didn't need it! I was supremely lucky to sail through peri and meno without even noticing it, apart from periods just stopping one day and that was that.

I had some spotting recently, which is being investigated. You do NOT want me to tell you how barbaric the methods are for checking this out. Positively medieval if you ask me. I'm awaiting pathology now, so hoping for the best.

Wishing you luck in your journey. You sound like you have a terrific attitude to life and a great sense of humour. That's essential, I have a bit of that too, but it receded a bit over the last few weeks while I'm dealing with this issue. But onwards and upwards eh, and where's that other cream cake?

The only thing on that list that I can currently have is the hot water bottle. 😂 We don’t own a bath and the orgasm department has also been closed for a decade. But! I bet it’s the magnesium and potassium in the banana, so I’ll try to load up some fruit and veg that are high in those. I think maybe broccoli is… (I love broccoli, hate bananas).

Oh yes, I had an internal ultrasound in May 2025 because the UK felt the Swiss didn’t properly investigate (fair point), and it felt a bit barbaric BUT they tried to be very gentle and it did show that my uterine lining was too thin to have a period. Which means between May 2025 and now, it must have gained enough thickness to be able to shed, but… none of my doctors know how or why 😬 And it feels like my bloody shoulder joint is about to fall off, it hurts so much.

I’m so sorry about the investigations for you! If they make the internal ultrasound look civilized in comparison then I can only imagine.

Oh, and about HRT. I had so many medications that I really wasn’t interested in trying to deal with one more, but at only 42, I now have osteopenia; learn from me 😂. I don’t know your age, but if you had full meno early, just have your doctor keep an eye on that (I’m sure you know this! But I had no idea it would happen at such a young age 😬).

I'm late 60s now but full of energy and lust for life thank god. I've had the Dexa scans and all good, but since you mentioned it, my sister who is 2 years younger has osteopenia and gets regular injections. She doesn't use HRT either. I've had cardiac checks and no calcium/plaque and no heart disease, no arthritis or joint pain, I'm very lucky. I do have Afib which is well controlled, and I don't even know I have it! Inherited from my mother. Bless her. I suppose we all have something, but it's how we cope is the main thing.