Is having ‘parts’ like child and teen modes normal after trauma?

[emanresuchange]

I’m worried that this sounds ludicrous.

I’m doing therapy with my local rape crisis centre for complex abuse when I was growing up - very complex, sexual and emotional and physical abuse and then a further assault as an adult and a very messy situation. My therapist said it’s at the ‘extreme end’ of mess and that my family was dysfunctional.

I have a good job, I have some friends, I have two degrees and I own my house. I remember all of my childhood like there’s no amnesia or anything.

I have started to recognise that I don’t split, but I have distinct ‘parts’ of me that sometimes take the ‘forefront’ eg I have ‘child mode’, ‘teenage mode’, ‘adult mode’. If I map it out there’s 5 or 6 modes.

When I explained to counsellor last night she said ‘yes, that’s because of trauma, it’s your brain’s way of protecting’, we looked at each mode and agreed they fit very upsetting parts of life. Then I have ‘Now’, me at my age and I’m in control just sometimes if I’m triggered I have ‘six year old’ or ‘nineteen year old’ and those memories/experiences shape how I behave a bit?

I don’t do stuff that’s abnormal I think, but it helps me to see that way in my head? So I’m 34 but if I’m having a bad day at work and come home and have a meltdown I say ‘that was child mode, child needs…’

I don’t know if that’s worrying? I don’t want to become really unwell or lose my mind. It makes a lot of sense to me - but I work in inpatient mental health and I know that people can have all sorts of odd beliefs that make utter sense to them.

I’m maybe over analysing! It just makes sense to me. The closest I’ve seen is family systems therapy which I think is sort of what this is.

I do dissociate/freeze when very distressed but never take on a different identity?

Does it make sense or do I need to get more help? 🤣

No it absolutely does make sense. I meet people regularly who have no control over the emotions because when they expressed their emotions as young people they were forced to suppress them otherwise be faced with violence.
That’s not a healthy developed individual, but it’s where they always go back to when faced with any kind of adversity
I’ve seen this in 75-year-olds if it’s not addressed it never goes anywhere

What you have said is consistent with what my AD's therapist has told her.

Yes, this is how Schema Therapy came about. Look into it.

Thanks. I think in reality it shouldn’t make a huge difference it just helps me in therapy especially to understand why some stuff happens and what’s running my responses. So when I panic at work in case my boss is angry with me, that’s one of my ‘younger’ modes.

I think I worry more because I was putting my thoughts into chatGPT earlier and as much as it makes a lot of sense to me, it feels wrong to use chatGPT to explore ideas in case it’s bad for me… it does make sense though and it helps to deescalated myself.

I guess it’s like re parenting a bit as well.