Is this ARFID or a picky teen?

[rpkjlao]

We are vegetarian, my son as well raised since birth. Now aged 13.

Always been extremely fussy and will not eat any cooked 'meals' other than the most basic plain foods. This is what my son will eat:

Cheese on toast, bread, pizza, jacket potato with cheese, potatoes, yoghurt, cereal, anything sweet, plain vegetables (e.g. carrot sticks, cucumber, broccoli etc), veggie sausage, very occasionally a veggie burger, veggie sausage rolls (limited to certain brands), porridge, plain pasta, macaroni cheese, one curry only from one shop, fruit, plain rice, veggie 'ham', tofu occasionally

There are probably a handful of other very plain foods he will eat but he refuses anything with a homemade sauce, any cooked dish such as soup, anything with mixed vegetables etc

I suspect ND and we are currently going through testing.

Although the list of foods is relatively wide it really does my head in that I cannot cook any regular dish e.g. pasta with sauce, soup, lasagne, curry, salads etc. we are basically limited to beige carbs and plain veg and I find it soul destroying

Asking him to eat a mouthful is usually fruitless, he will occasionally but generally (always) hates it, and most often refuses, so there is no point

I am going a bit crazy after 13 years. We've not had him assessed for ARFID but now I am thinking is it?

I and his dad were fussy kids but we would eat things with sauces etc, we grew out of it by the time we were older.

I am so hopeful that he will grow out of it and wonder if some of it is just stubbornness or control. I learned to pick my battles ages ago.

We also probably indulge him with biscuits, cakes, treats etc more than we should. Perhaps I need to rein that in a bit.

It affects my diet as when we eat out it has to be somewhere we can eat chips or pizza as he refuses most other stuff. If we get a takeaway it has to be a pizza or chips, if I cook something it has to be plain veg and beige carbs.

If you have any experience could you offer advice? more for my own sanity. thank you!

PS if you had a teen like this did they grow out of it? They are starting cooking at school so I am hopeful that will change things a bit. But he even refused to taste the curry he cooked at school.

Hi OP - I have a very fussy vegetarian child with a restricted diet too. She is diagnosed autistic. It is textures that are the issue for her (why she won't and has never eaten meat - she also now says it is an ethical issue - I am vegetarian but her dad is not and we did used to try to give her meat until she declared herself vegetarian at 6). I find the attitude to vegetarianism on MN really weird. Anyway, I don't think this is anything to do with being raised vegetarian and likely everything to do with the suspected ND. Mine does eat sauces so we blend those up and put them on pasta for her. It does make eating out very difficult and she did not eat on the last school trip she went on. It is my dream that she would eat vegetables other than peas and sweetcorn (she likes small round things so luckily loves pulses) so he is doing really well there. Mine is very petite (she's about 3.5 stone at 11.5) - but healthy so though she is both restrictive and avoidant and we have wondered about ARFID I don't think she would qualify and it sounds like your DS wouldn't either. I do think worth pursuing the ND diagnosis however. Not that you will get much help - apparently the thing most likely to help is an OT trained in sensory issues but we have not yet tried that (on waiting list).

Sounds like a friend of mine who was vegetarian from a fairly young age, by choice, though in a family who did eat non-vegetarian food.
By 13 it became an excuse to eat pizza (particularly) and tasty but junky things as a main food group (NB, it hadn't actually been so, before that). Not textural or anything really, just did not want 'challenge' or unfamiliarity from food, decided in a blanket way that so much was deemed 'bleuch' and realised she could push back.
She branched out by the age of 15 and ate much more healthily, also cooking quite intricate things.

From what you said, he eats a big range of things just not soups /sauces/ strong spiced things. Id say it's a mix of stubborn and fussy eater. There is a chance he's neuro divergent but only if he has other behaviour clues and not just the food fussiness.

My dd15 is the same. Her choice of food seems to diminish all the time though

at present she is eating spaghetti bolognaise, plain pasta, salmon, curry wraps but only a specific korma jar and Mexican rice but again only from a certain shop. Some veg. 1 pizza but only from Tesco. Chocolate. Batchelor chicken flavoured supernoodles. Nothing else.

she is ND and also I think PDA

i don’t think she’s Arfid but her weight is worrying and she will literally refuse to eat unless it’s the right foods at a time when she wants to eat, at 11 or 12 at night cooking a full dinner isn’t on as I’m exhausted. So she has noodles at that time but only if she want it otherwise it’s 24 hours before she could or will eat again.

dds food aversion is down to anxiety and texture I think but none can tell me or give me a straight answer as to why she’s like this.

thank you this is really helpful! I'm glad your kid loves pulses. that's something for sure. And thank you for the solidarity. It's a shame that people are so closed minded even now about being veggie...

My motivation for coming on here was just to find out if it was ARFID vs fussy, which I have had helpful feedback on throughout the thread. I don't expect support for from authorities or anything, it is just helpful for me in understanding what this is or isn't. Shame that so many people like to shoehorn in judgement of being veggie into it as if that is a causative factor, which it clearly isn't.

I am hopeful that in time my kid will get better and more tolerant. I know I was less fussy as a kid but I did grow into it and will eat most things now (bar a couple of dishes I still hate I have a wide palette).

Hope that things get easier for you in time!

hope things get easier for you!

A lot of ND kids are ‘fussy’ if it’s texture aversion and spice/pepper it falls more under sensory issues in my opinion than the negative label of ‘fussy’. I have one like this myself and have perfected the art of blending veg into everything- his diet looks bad as seems mostly cake and biscuits but it’s mostly veg with honey/maple syrup. He also calls any seasoning too spicy. And like your he will starve rather than eat foods he doesn’t like. We have a very bland life. I commiserate with you it’s very limiting and frustrating. But it’s not AFRID, I have a niece with this and it’s terrifying really just getting any calories into her is so difficult. She doesn’t get the normal hangry behaviour like other kids she just doesn’t eat. Has about 3-4 safe food and will only eat at home picking at it not sat to eat. They can’t go on holiday or she won’t eat for a week. With AFRID it gets to a point you don’t care about the greatly varied diet you just want them to eat something ANYTHING is a win

My son is this fussy. I found an air fryer helps as I can cook potatoes quickly and he then piles things onto them, I can then cook myself something separately. He will eat rice and I've also started making a few sauces ie ranch dressing that make things taste more interesting.

With him I find giving him a few bowls at the table to make his own dish (and calling it 'loaded' whatever) will see him eat more and try more. He also likes one particular curry and a takeaway burrito and I buy him those as I know he'll eat them. He burns off a lot of calories due to football and combined with his fussiness was looking very gaunt so I bought a tin of Sustagen sport and I give him that twice a day, since I started that his appetite has picked up weirdly.

My boy has AFRID and eats far less than that. He’s 18. Chicken and chips. Pasta. Only meals he will eat other than toast and cereal.

Hard to say if it is ARFID. But what matters is that you have interesting foods, he eats enough and has a balanced diet, and the opportunity to try other things.

For my DS (AuDHD) I'd just get into the habit of prepping cucumber and carrot sticks and some shredded iceberg as he'd eat those. Then we could have pasta with whatever sauce we liked and he could have plain pasta with grated cheese.

You have home made pie with veg or salad you know he will eat (at least some of), he has a branded veggie sausage roll you know he'll eat and the veg.

Buy hm the shop curry and make a fresh curry for the rest of you so you are all eating curry together. Try to make the food as similar as possible.

Have a high tea a couple of times a month at weekends, where people choose what they want from a buffet of bread, cheese, salads etc. You can make soup for those who want it.

If he'll only eat plain veg, just cook it plain then make yours more interesting before serving by tossing them in garlic or lemon zest butter, sprinkling on chill flakes, toasted seame or cumin seeds, toasted chopped nuts or finely chopped herbs.

I decided to stop worrying at one point, and if we were having food he really couldn't eat, he had tinned spaghetti with grated cheese or a wholemeal cheese toastie, veggie sticks, yoghurt and fresh fruit. Still a balanced meal, just boring in comparison.

Hi OP - do you mind me asking about his height/build?Is he is on the smaller size for 13?

I have a 14yr old on the spectrum.He was super fussy as a small child,lots of gagging vomiting due to texture etc.

He started puberty pretty early,around 11 and with it came a gargantuan appetite and now he's 5ft 11, slim but muscly iykwim, with an insane palate. Only mash and mushrooms are forbidden.

Maybe hormones will kick in and he'll show a bit more interest?His diet might sound a bit dull,but some really good stuff in there.

I don't think it's a disorder. He's picky and teens like to try and take control of their diets. Often refusing cooked meals from parents. At least he's not addicted to McDonald's and greasy budget chicken.

thank you. he is fairly average in build and height so i don't really have concerns there.

I am hopeful about puberty, he doesn't seem to be in the full throes yet but it's on the cards soon I think. perhaps it's early days for that but I think it's coming!

hope that your son is doing ok.

And thanks to all who have provided info on this thread. it's good to get a range of responses and hear how others navigate it.

this sound very much like our lives! thank you. good tips.

I wanted to post as someone who is a life long vegetarian with ASD who is bringing up ND children vegetarian. I also find the attitude on here in regards to vegetarianism and veganism very strange. You shouldn't have to keep justifying your choice.

Of my three children, two are ASD and one of them has a very limited diet - much more limited than your DS. We have discussed this with a number of dietarians over the years. Randomly blood tests showed that he is not lacking in anything which is a miracle. Dietarian actually stated that eating meat doesn't mean a great balanced diet.

I would consider speaking to your GP in regards to neurodiversity.

thank you yes, we are looking into the ND right now. appreciate your support. It's hard navigating these things on here because so many people use it as an excuse to judge you for your choices as a parent.

That said so many have given helpful advice and support and it's made a real difference to my understanding of where he sits within the framework overall.