Is this ARFID or a picky teen?

[rpkjlao]

We are vegetarian, my son as well raised since birth. Now aged 13.

Always been extremely fussy and will not eat any cooked 'meals' other than the most basic plain foods. This is what my son will eat:

Cheese on toast, bread, pizza, jacket potato with cheese, potatoes, yoghurt, cereal, anything sweet, plain vegetables (e.g. carrot sticks, cucumber, broccoli etc), veggie sausage, very occasionally a veggie burger, veggie sausage rolls (limited to certain brands), porridge, plain pasta, macaroni cheese, one curry only from one shop, fruit, plain rice, veggie 'ham', tofu occasionally

There are probably a handful of other very plain foods he will eat but he refuses anything with a homemade sauce, any cooked dish such as soup, anything with mixed vegetables etc

I suspect ND and we are currently going through testing.

Although the list of foods is relatively wide it really does my head in that I cannot cook any regular dish e.g. pasta with sauce, soup, lasagne, curry, salads etc. we are basically limited to beige carbs and plain veg and I find it soul destroying

Asking him to eat a mouthful is usually fruitless, he will occasionally but generally (always) hates it, and most often refuses, so there is no point

I am going a bit crazy after 13 years. We've not had him assessed for ARFID but now I am thinking is it?

I and his dad were fussy kids but we would eat things with sauces etc, we grew out of it by the time we were older.

I am so hopeful that he will grow out of it and wonder if some of it is just stubbornness or control. I learned to pick my battles ages ago.

We also probably indulge him with biscuits, cakes, treats etc more than we should. Perhaps I need to rein that in a bit.

It affects my diet as when we eat out it has to be somewhere we can eat chips or pizza as he refuses most other stuff. If we get a takeaway it has to be a pizza or chips, if I cook something it has to be plain veg and beige carbs.

If you have any experience could you offer advice? more for my own sanity. thank you!

PS if you had a teen like this did they grow out of it? They are starting cooking at school so I am hopeful that will change things a bit. But he even refused to taste the curry he cooked at school.

ok thank you. I wasn't honestly very clear on what the threshold or criteria was hence asking on this thread and the feedback has been helpful.

I am ND and to be fair, that list is far more extensive that mine would be. No ARFID as far as I know, just very restricted

ok thank you.

Sympathy BTW, it is hard, it took us a long time to accept that this was just how it was going to be for our family. My DCs (the other is somewhat fussy too) both prefer eating separately to us as well as different foods, we all end up sitting in different places and I found that hard to accept too, the happy image of a family all sitting round the table tucking in and merrily chatting away is not us, but I do quite enjoy eating by myself and being able to read while I eat so it's not all bad. We do plenty of chatting at other times. In fact we all quite like eating out because then you can all have different things and that is the one time we do all sit at the table and chat.

Definitely would say this isn't ARFID, my SD has that and only eats a handful of foods at all.

I don't even think his diet sounds that restrictive? As a whole he's covering all of the food groups there, even if his taste in meals is not very adventurous.

I suppose so, I think I just find it weird that i can't cook anything with combined ingredients, hence was curious to know. even the mac and cheese is only bougth from the shop (as it makes me want to vom, one of my own two fussy foods!).

I dont think it's ARFID as he eats quite a variety compared to other ARFID people I know. Asd can still make you a restricted eater without it being ARFID though.

Since he is both avoiding certain things altogether and restricting his intake to only specific varieties of others, together with a potential ND diagnosis, it does appear to fit ARFID as far as I can see. It is more than just being fussy or difficult.

Personally I would be making it clear to him that although you made the choice to raise him vegetarian now he is older you will respect his wishes. I’m not saying there is anything wrong with being vegetarian BUT if you’re so worried about his diet then you further restricting it doesn’t necessarily make sense.

For a diagnosis of ARFID it needs to have a significant impact on the health of the child in terms of weight loss, nutritional deficiencies or failure to gain weight. My child had catastrophic weight loss, many health issues as a result, paediatric led care and long term was unable to attend school. Now fully recovered and is what I would call a typical fussy eater, who probably eats less than your son does, but it doesn’t concern me at all as weight is stable and health issues fully resolved.

Even if it did meet the level for an ARFID diagnosis that wouldn’t change anything, there isn’t a magical treatment when diagnosed.

Ds is another one who is mainly tube fed because his diet is so restrictive. Most days he eats nothing more than a couple of apples some days nothing.

whatever the reason you need to keep things low pressure, allow access to new things but don’t make a fuss or force anything.

this is good to know.

OFC if he wanted to eat meat if that's what you are suggesting, that would be his choice.

As it is, I'm respecting his wishes to remain a vegetarian, he hates the idea of meat and never wants to eat it and I sincerely doubt he ever would.

he mentioned before he'd like to be vegan, and I'm certainly happy to support that if it was practical and he was able to do it... right now though probably not until his palette is wider.

Sorry but IMO you have made life more difficult for yourself than needs be...we have been Special Guardians for our now 16 year old Great Grandson since he was 3 months old and although we maybe do regret not making more effort to encourage him to eat a more varied diet when he was small it's not the end of the world and he is now an almost 6 foot healthy young man with a good brain and a gym membership! 🙄
He has never been fond of vegetables or fruit although will eat potatoes in all forms, carrots, sweetcorn and broccoli under duress and his fruit variety intake has improved and now eats strawberries, bananas, grapes and apples so that's a plus!
We have been a vegetarian family for many years although GG and myself are pescatarian and have fish once a week for health reasons...we always told him that when he was old enough to decide if he wanted to eat meat he could do so out of the house but that I would not be making it for him! 🙁
He goes to McDonalds with his friends and also some chicken places but at home if I am making a 'from scratch' veggie meal I will make him something separate and although it's a bit annoying at times I don't find it to be much of a problem...ie if I am making a 'pasta bake' with veg and mushrooms etc then he just has plain pasta with cheese and pesto and a Quorn burger or Nuggets!
It really isn't 'rocket science and not a hill worth dying on because as he gets older and more self sufficient he will eat what he wants anyway! 😊

"Sorry but IMO you have made life more difficult for yourself than needs be"

If you're suggesting this is somehow my fault, wow. The judgement is ridiculous.

He does not want anything to do with fish or meat. He even gags when he goes near them FFS.

I was raised vegetarian myself. I cannot even bring myself to look at them let alone consider raising him that way.

Vegetables are one of the things he does love to eat.

Perhaps some people could open their mind to the fact that a child can be fussy due to neurodiversity or just being fussy?

Perhaps you could familiarise yourself with the science before blaming the parents or the food they are raised on.

www.iflscience.com/is-your-kid-a-picky-eater-its-not-their-fault-or-yours-its-probably-their-genes-76047

And also, as I said in my OP I do not force him to eat anything. I encourage a taste where and when I can but it's not a 'you have to eat this or you get punished'. Perhaps check my previous posts.

Definitely not ARFID. My son has a more restricted diet than that sounds, and he does not have ARFID. My son's friend has been diagnosed with ARFID and is just over 21kg at 9 years of age (my 6yo is 26kg).

Would he be bothered if you ate different food at a meal? So stick in a pizza for him and you make whatever you fancy. I don’t mean every meal just so your diet isn’t restricted.

Also may be more expensive but can you use one of the delivery apps so you can get different types of food?

DD is under assessment for ASD and she has a very restricted diet. She hates her food touching and also eats it in a certain order. She abhors most veg. We’ve built on it since she was a toddler but it’s still crap. It’s more than fussiness/choice though, as when she goes on trips with the school , she barely eats. On some she has lost weight. On holiday with us, it’s slightly better as she trusts me to pick things for her so she will have a go. Turkey chips aren’t nice though , because they’re too potatoey. Fuck me, it’s a pain. Nothing with sauce either , as she has a really weird aversion to tomatoes and anything tomato based. I could go on.

To diversify, we’ve tried to build on things she already liked and trying things with no pressure. I tend to cook separately for her except for a few meals as my tastes are more varied. It usually what it is.

It's a valid suggestion though. What you're describing isnt ARFID. Kids with ARFID can literally starve themselves to death until they need medical intervention.

You started his life with food restrictions. You'll just have to navigate it the best you can with what you've got. Which is a decent selection of grub. He can make his own choices when he's older.

My 13yo currently eats chocolate, Pringles and sweets. That is it. I would love it if he had the variety of foods in the OP. He always leaned towards ‘fussiness’ (not what I would necessarily want to call it) but now has OCD and Crohn’s Disease, which has led him to something close to ARFID, without it officially being ARFID. I make sure he takes a multivitamin and he seems to be eating enough to be growing ok. My heart goes out to anyone whose child has a severely restricted diet for whatever reason.

what is the 'valid suggestion' exactly?

I was raised vegetarian myself so I do not consider it a 'restricted diet'.

And with due respect if you're raised without something you never want it. (Can concur).

My child retches at the sight of meat and fish. So I hardly think he's 'missing out' on those things.

Only those with limited imaginations consider it restricted. Millions or billions in india raised this way without issue.

Sometimes it's not a question of the diet but a question of the child's preferences or neurodiversity rather than being something related to the parent.

Honestly the judgement. It's a perfectly healthy and nutritious diet. Feels like we've gone back to the 80s on here.

Why so defensive and why do you keep bringing up India. Do you live there or something?

Look your kid doesn't have ARFID. Work with what you've got. Even if it is making him a seperate meal. At least he's eating a variety.

He'll probably grow out of it. It took my ASD kid until he was 19 to widen his food choices.

I think he eats more veg than I do, be proud!