Anyone else’s toddler majorly prefer their Dad?

[Runnersknee]

My little boy is nearly 18 months and is the biggest daddy’s boy ever !! I’m a SAHM whereas DH is lucky to even make bedtime in the week so I know I’m the constant one and DH is the novelty but wow sometimes it’s hard not to take it personally !!

He says Dadda all day long, but will rarely say (even though he can) 😥. If I’m reading a bedtime story and he hears DH come in he will snatch the book out my hands and get DH to read it instead and then worse of all he clings onto my DH and screams when I try and take him into my arms.

Usually I laugh it off but today at the pool DS has the biggest meltdown when I tried to take him off DH so we could go and get changed to swim. God knows what everyone thought, I was mortified. It was full on back arching, screaming, tears.

I know it’s a generalisation but when I was pregnant all I ever heard was how boys are the biggest mummy’s boys and really cuddly & loving to their mums. And that’s definitely the experience my mum friends have. So I’m finding it hard not to be a bit disappointed.

Anyone else in / has been in this situation ? Does it even out a bit or am I destined to always be the second best ?!?

I haven't experienced this but my friend's DD massively prefers her dad and I know she finds it hard to deal with, especially as they both work so she doesn't get lots of 1-1 time. She told me she tries to focus on the positives though, like not being the default parent that gets called upon to do everything all the time. It's hard being the favourite parent too.

@Jrisix I somehow still end up being the one that does everything all the time unfortunately!!
But perhaps that will change as DS gets older

How does your DH respond? Does he have your back, making sure your DS is respectful to you or does he treat it as an ego boost? I know it’s natural for children to develop a preference but it’s never too early to instill decency.

My first born hated me at 18 months for about…18 months but I was still the default parent doing things. He did come back to me at 3 yrs old. Just go with it and be available, he will come back

He’s like this because he knows you are there for him whatever. He sees Daddy coming and going and doesn’t instinctively know that he will come back.,He’s just completely comfortable with you so can give in to his feelings. It’s a strange kind of compliment really!

My DS went through phases of this and yes it does hurt. You will get your turn though, try really hard not to take it personally. Dad is just novelty at this stage and doesn’t do all the boring things you have to do, like food, baths etc

I’m not sure. My DS is like this with me. He has been since 16 months or so. He is now 4. It has not got any better… well, it’s starting to show small improvements now, he chose to do something with dad for the first time today when we gave him the choice and I think you could have knocked both me and his dad down with a feather! But otherwise it’s me he wants, always.

For us it couldn’t have been about me coming and going, as I don’t. I’m not really sure what triggered it. For a while we followed the advice to redirect to Dad and insist Dad helped with things, or did bedtime, or say Dad could do X now but he’d have to wait for me to do it… it just made things worse, I think. Completely cooling it and letting him choose to do things with dad himself has worked a lot better for us, but it’s taken a LONG time, and I’ve felt really sad for Dad a lot of times, as well as fucking exhausted.

Oof that's hard. He'll come back to you when he's about 3 or 4.

Yep working H was the magical one I was boring mum

It didn’t bother me I just said “it’s tough at the top honey” and left him to it!

It broke my heart when my DD only wanted her Dad and told me he was her favourite parent. We were living seperately.
My DD is more diplomatic now. but her Dad is still her favourite parent. For DD's that will usually be true. But for boys, watch out...he will be all over you soon.

Absolutely.

Quite frankly my DD couldn't have cared less if I was there or not for ages when dad was here. I just kept offering her cuddles and reassurance etc but I'll be honest it HURT like I deal with all of your bad days but don't get the nice things like the cuddles that helps balance it now we're close to four she's much better and we do have snuggles.

DS1 went through a looooooong phase of majorly preferring DH from the ages of about 2 to 4. I always thought it was connected to the arrival of DS2, but may not have been. It went on so long that I really was scared that it would be our permanent family dynamic, and it really upset me. If it helps at all - it was tough but it did pass. He's now an 8 year old whose been curled up with me while we read Harry Potter to each other for the last half hour and who tells me he loves me all the time - we're very close. It didn't last forever, at all.

I really do feel for you. I think you'll get posts telling you that it's easier than being the preferred parent, but DS2 has been the sort of obsessed with me that he would like to crawl back inside me from birth, and still is very mummy-focused at 5 and I'd take that every time. It is hard in some ways, but it has never upset me in the way it did to feel like DS1 was rejecting me as a toddler. But I do think that you'll find, too, that if you keep communicating to your DS that you adore him, the dynamic will shift over time.

So I would find this really tough, both of my kids are very mummy centric, I'm sure this is just a phase but I imagine it's rough for you!

The question I have is why it always has to be you? If he wants DH to take him to get changed at swimming, let him and take the break. If he hears daddy get home and wants a story with daddy, go put your feet up for a bit while he reads the story.

Think of it as a good thing.. after all the threads on here about useless dad's, it's great that you have one your kids love.

To be honest, I think this is normal, and it is getting more common. Societally we've asked dads to step up, and some have. Of course kids balance between mum and dad will adjust to that.

Dad's go into parenting expecting to be number 2, behind mum. So they are never hurt or disappointed when their kid is closer to mum...

The problem is we now want dad's to be equal parenting figures... Yet mum's still go in expecting to be number 1, and feel rejected and hurt when they aren't.

In reality it doesn't matter. Most kids have a favourite when they are toddlers.. and that favourite can change.. as long as they have two loving parents, it doesn't matter.

One of mine did this for a while around that age, but he was my 3rd and the others were so clingy to me that it was a nice break for me. He grew out of it and I became his favorite again haha. I'm sure it will even out !