Was it rude to ask guests to remove shoes on rug?

[AurielleBaies]

I had a group of 15 people over last summer. I hosted drinks and nibbles in the garden. We had just bought a new rug in the living room and it’s jute with white threads going through, so can’t be washed. Basically if it gets stained there isn’t much in the way of cleaning it off annoyingly.

I asked if anyone wanted to go on the rug/sit on the sofa if they would mind taking take their shoes off. I didn’t mind anyone being on the wood floor with shoes on but the rug I didn’t want shoes on. One friend of mine was visibly offended and hasn’t really spoken to me since!

I asked my other friends if I had said anything wrong and they said they no, they can’t even remember what I said and it’s a non issue.

Is saying to a group of people ‘would you mind not going on the rug with your shoes on’ so bad?!

It’s perfectly reasonable. People are weird. They’ll get over it.

I have been wondering whether I just came across as really uptight or something! Her parties are a free for all, she’s had lots of stuff ruined (red wine on sofa, broken glasses etc) and just doesn’t seem to care.

I love hosting but also really care about my home.

I’d have removed the rug for the party - then everyone (including you) could relax and enjoy themselves.

But it’s your home so your rules. Honestly don’t worry you didn’t do anything wrong.

Uptight. move the rug next time. It’s a party - be hospitable and let your guests enjoy themselves without worrying about which bits are shoes on and which bits are shoes off.

A bit much to get offended by . Even if she thinks she was right and didn't want to remove shoes. Shame that she has decided to fall out with you over this. Oh well.

It’s massive and under the sofa, coffee table and chair. There’s no way I could move it!

Also to note, it was an outside/kitchen party, very much listed on the invite text as just that. Everything was set up for my guests in those two spaces. Some of them only came in at the end of the night to be nosey and have a look at the rest of our home (which I don’t mind!).

It might just be that she now thinks you’re not really compatible so is cooling the friendship, rather than that she’s having a huff.

That’s what I think. It’s just strange it came from (what I think) is a small request

You did nothing wrong, if she has taken offence at such a simple request, I don't think she was much of a friend.

Good riddance, your house your rules.

If that's all it takes for her to stop talking to you then your better of without her.

This is what makes me think I have done something wrong!! Because surely she wouldn’t just stop talking to me?! I’m second guessing myself wondering if I said it it in a horrible way or I came across rude.

Your house, your rules, but my God you've made it hard for your guests, putting shoes on and off as they negotiate between a deliberately indoor and outdoor party.

Also, nul points for buying an uncleanable rug.

Nothing wrong - walking on a light coloured rug with your shoes on is a little thoughtless.

Could she be offended about something else? But people can be odd. DH asked his brother to keep his glass on a coaster to protect our wooden dining table from stains, and DB accused him of being precious. Fine to think ig but not to say it.

You did nothing wrong, some people take very weird offence to reasonable requests and are overly attached to wearing shoes all the time.

They could wear shoes anywhere in my home, on just not on that specific rug.

I am trying to think of anything else she could be offended by. I just remember her face dropping when I politely asked if no one could step on the rug with shoes on.

Shorty after, she invited me to another one of her parties (via a text blast so it’s not like she reached out to me directly). I couldn’t make it so text her to say thanks but I wasn’t able to come and hoped she had a fun night. Haven’t heard from her since!

I agree somewhat. I never ever wear my shoes in the house, I always take mine off at my friends and families house. It’s not a big deal and saves my friends and family cleaning up after me!

I once had a guest tread fox poo (which is the absolute worst smelling poo) all over my cream carpet in a previous home. I had to pretend it was fine but it cost me a fortune to clean and the smell lingered for days. Just take your shoes off!

Hmm. I t probably was the rug comment then, and maybe she felt you were making some point by declining her invitation. But that's in her head, nothing to do with you really. I will continue to ask guests to use a coaster and you should continue your no shoes policy. Except that for larger parties it would be easier to just move the rug.

Urgh fox poo, that is the worst, and that is exactly why shoes off makes sense - zero risk of fox poo in your house if everyone takes off their shoes. Which absolutely everyone does in my country with zero drama even at parties (perhaps taking some clean shoes to put on at the party if its a dress up kind of affair but never outside shoes) even if its the kind of party where you go in and out a lot - you just wear shoes that you can slip on and kick off easily.

You did nothing wrong.
Perfectly understandable that you didn’t want a white rug ruined.
Next time can you move the rug.

Just have a rule of no shoes inside, that's perfectly normal these days. In some cultures it's extremely rude to wear outside shoes inside . . .

My carpets were nice and clean (no shoes inside) until a visiting family came in from a muddy walk in a park and decided to walk into the living room with footwear on (in February). I still cant get a couple of the visible mud marks out. No idea why they thought that was a good idea.