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Squabbling children

7 replies

CharlieWeasleysWife · 18/03/2026 17:56

I have 3 DC, 9, 5 and 3. They are generally lovely kids, receive lots of glowing praise for behaviour at school, try hard, remember their manners and are kind and loving. But. Recently they have been squabbling so much and it is driving me to distraction. The eldest is a wind up, the youngest still loves a strop and the middle one has taken to screeching when the other two do anything that annoy her. It is so so irritating and grating. I can feel my mood nosedive when it starts. The unexpected screeching in particular really gets me.

I am quite noise sensitive and don't like conflict- grew up in a very dysfunctional family where fallings out result in people not speaking to one another for years- so I find the whole thing quite triggering.

Clearly this is largely a 'me' issue with I guess what is a bit of an internal-emotional overreaction- almost fight or flight like. However I do also believe constant squabbling - winding up, stropping and screeching is unacceptable, even at these ages. I have explained this to them several times, explained (in age appropriate language) the impact it has on me and people around us and implemented consequences for the behaviour- time away from one another, early night if it's a consequence of tiredness and even on a couple of occasions turned the car around and driven home/left the park early if warnings are not heeded.

Am I OTT? Is there anything else I can do to try to reduce the squabbling and/or manage my reaction to it? And if not, can someone please tell me it is a phase?!?!

OP posts:
CharlieWeasleysWife · 18/03/2026 20:46

No one?

OP posts:
Didimum · 18/03/2026 20:48

I’ve got twins who squabble a great deal. I can sympathise. It drives me mad. They can squabble all day every day and I am sick to death of playing referee to ridiculous disagreements. The only thing I can do is separate them.

DairyMilkFreeZone · 18/03/2026 20:54

Sympathies. Mine are 7 and 5 and it kills me. I hate it.

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CharlieWeasleysWife · 18/03/2026 20:55

Thank you @Didimum . How old are your twins? Have they always been like this?

I honestly think I need some therapy to learn how to deal with my emotions around this if it's going to be an enduring thing 🙈

OP posts:
CharlieWeasleysWife · 18/03/2026 20:57

DairyMilkFreeZone · 18/03/2026 20:54

Sympathies. Mine are 7 and 5 and it kills me. I hate it.

Thank you. I'm glad it's not just me who feels this way. I'm pondering whether I have a problem! My DH can just ignore it/block it out but I find that absolutely impossible.

OP posts:
LittleRainDrops · 18/03/2026 21:08

Mine are teens and still argue constantly.

Hullabmoo · 18/03/2026 21:16

It is awful and I think in most people creates an involuntary stress response. However, the important thing to remember is that when they are doing it, they are probably just as dysregulated as you are. So a calm chat about how annoying it is will not help. They're acting instinctively and they only way they will learn is through training. This probably means that every single time it starts you separate them. If possible, send all three to separate rooms. This has the dual bonus of training them out of it and giving you a break. It will take a long time to train them out of it, but they will learn eventually.

If you hear them starting to disagree, you can step in and try teaching them how to sort out a disagreement (for example compromising or ignoring someone being annoying etc etc) but I'd only try to do this before emotions (yours and theirs) are running high.

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