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Ds with sen wants to move school but we know its not the right thing wwyd?

6 replies

Fasdmama · 16/03/2026 20:27

Our son is in uear 8. He has fasd, spd and trauma from being adopted.
He does not like school. He is in a mainstream school that we have an ehcp for.
They have messed up, theyre not great. But they're the best in our area. He has an amazing head of year wjo is so supportive. Some great teachers who really understand him and huge amount of friends.
He wants to move to another school. Its not a great school. Bullying is rife. Its not as structured in its lessons etc. But some of his friends from primary are there and they have told him very biased things about the school. He refused to go into school for two days last week. He says he will run away if we dont let him move.

This all stems from him having a bad week last night being removed from class twice.

Webe got a meeting with staff in Thursday to try and make things better. He won't listen at all. Due to his fasd he gets obsessive about things and cant let it go. I think this is ine if them.

But we honestly dont kmkw what to do.

If he moves I fear it'll be tje same just another place. And we'll have to get them all understanding all over again a disability that is so complex. And then we're stuck somewhere.

But I'm so worried he'll just refuse to go to school until he gets his own way.

Genuinly at a loss of what to do. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

OP posts:
Fasdmama · 16/03/2026 20:36

Massive apologies for all the awful spellings

OP posts:
Thechateau · 16/03/2026 20:40

I understand. I think you need to stand firm. The wrong setting can do a huge amount of damage, as I'm sure you already know

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 16/03/2026 20:45

A meeting that he is part of and can speak about his worries and feel heard may be part of the solution? A class move rather than a school move.

I had a lot of problems at school and they wouldn’t allow a class move and I think it might really have helped

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drspouse · 16/03/2026 20:45

Well, you are his parents and you know what the long term consequences would be of moving to a less supportive school so I think you know the answer.
And if he gets what he wants by refusing to go to school he will know he's in charge. Especially given his history (we are also adopters) he needs to know that adults are in charge and the world is safe.
If he refuses to go to school then I'd say make home as boring as possible. No screens, no contact with friends during the day. If he wants his screen time after school he can earn it by doing his homework as normal. No fuss though - when our DS says "I'm not going to X" we just switch everything off and wait in the car quietly. Sometimes it takes five minutes, sometimes half an hour but he knows nothing fun is happening so he decides he might as well go with us.

Fasdmama · 16/03/2026 21:02

We've said change of class but he's said no.
You're right though we need to be stronger. He's just so good at manipulating us (which sounds pathetic) but he makes us doubt ourselves.
We need to ride the storm but his language and anger is horrible. I think he truly believes its the right thing

OP posts:
EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 16/03/2026 21:05

I think he truly believes its the right thing

he probably does they are very stubborn at this age. Perhaps a teacher he likes and respects could help?

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