How have you seen things change for women during your lifetime ?

[HavefunGomadLivingInTheCity]

Been trying to fond some documentaries about life as a woman in the UK 100 to 150 years ago, not really found anything yet
Alot of things around the 70s

I never knew my maternal grandmother and paternal one didn't talk much
So I don't know much about my previous generations
Guess mothers day got me thinking

So have you seen any good documentaries about this..?

Or what things have you seen change

I'm late 40s and I remember when the law changed so you can't rape your wife, and I remember my mum saying it was nonsense

My mum worked full-time and did everything at home so think she got a pretty shit deal
But I see alot of friends and peers doing this
Certainly don't think things should go back or anything perhaps so much has changed and things are struggling to change at the same pace

I returned from mat leave in 2000 for my local hospital to finally allow nurses to wear trousers as part of their uniform! I find it hard to believe it was only that recent.

I was talking to my DM about this the other day. She grew up in the 50s/60s and left school at 16. At that time, very few women went to uni or had career ambitions. They had jobs - in factories, as secretaries, teachers, nurses, in shops - but my DM said no one ever talked to her about anything other than mundane support-type roles. She wasn't academic, tbf, and she went to secretarial college and worked as a typist until she got pregnant with me in the early 70s, and at that point it was expected that she would quit her job and be a SAHM (which she did).

Now women can do anything and more women than men go to university and have a degree. When my dad went to Cambridge in the 60s there were hardly any women in his college - it was basically all men. Things changed massively on that front between the 60s and 90s. Professional jobs are now full of women, if you look at any panel discussion on TV or at a professional conference, chances are that there will be plenty of women. Women are journalists, TV presenters, PM, they head up big companies, they are judges, union leaders, head of big organisations like the Met Police, doctors, surgeons, airline pilots, they work in construction, drive trains, the whole world is open to women now and there is legislation to protect us against discrimination for our sex and for things that only affect women like pregnancy and menopause. We still experience disproportionate levels of violence and misogyny, but it's nothing like it used to be for women of earlier generations. The law has now legislated against things like coercive control and financial abuse - these are real strides in the right direction and provide real protections under the law.

Thank you for sharing this article.

What a total creep

Even worse, 'indecent assault' ie anal rape was considered less bad for women. If the rapist attacked a man he could be imprisoned for, I think, 10 years, if he attacked a woman it was a maximum of 2 years.

I worked with someone who had been paid the “marriage gratuity” (in lieu of pension) when she had to leave the civil service in the 1970’s. The marriage bar was later abolished but any woman who wanted to return to the civil service had to repay “the grat” before rejoining. Until there was a scheme in the late 1990s to do away with the need to repay “the grat” in order to get more staff, especially ones with experience, into the Service, so she eventually rejoined and worked for another 20 years in the service.

Girls were allowed to join the army when I was in late secondary school - but not the air corps or the navy.

When I first joined the civil service, they were very proud of doubling their cohort of female Principal Officers in my Department (from 1 to 2!) as we were a very “enlightened” Department to have any female POs at all (even the Assistant Principal grade was heavily skewed by males, and I did get a few comments about looking for promotion and “did I not think that I would be taking a job from a man”?! 🤬

The BBC ‘Back in Time for Dinner’ series is great for social history for normal working families

Lloyds Bank, believe it or not. They did change their rules not long afterwards.

At secondary school in the 80s the girls were only allowed to wear skirts, had to do netball and hockey, needlework and Cookery.
Only the girls had a lesson on contraception aged 15, while the boys did P.E.
The Art teacher was known for groping sixth form girls in the Art Room cupboard, but no one thought to tell an adult.
Mandy Smith was promoted in teen magazines as someone to emulate and admire, rather than a victim of grooming.

Consent wasnt spoken of. It was the girl's responsibility not to lead a boy on.
Lesbianism wasnt seen as a valid sexual orientation, but as a perversion.
Its wonderful to me that teen girls can tell their parents they're gay now, without negative repercussions.

There was one in 1988 called Out of the Dolls House, also a book.

https://www.ravensbourne.ac.uk/bbc-motion-graphics-archive/out-dolls-house-1988

When you about the law changing so you couldn't rape your wife don't you mean changing so that you COULD rape your wife? Sorry,that sounds wrong the way I've worded it. What I mean is that a man could be charged with raping his wife, and it not to classed as him just having what he was 'entitled' to.

This is just as wrong headed as thinking that women SHOULD give up work when they have a baby. It should be a choice, and it's very sad that for far too many it's a choice they can't afford to make.

I never thought I was 'throwing away' a career when I stayed at home with my children. I knew that I was fortunate to be able to do it, and my children were fortunate to be brought up by someone who cared more about them than a nursery nurse ever would, a graduate who was able to use my education to help their education. I should say that I had a large group of friends (including a vet, teachers , lawyers and a doctor) who had all given up work to look after their own children. This was in the early nineties when it was still feasible for many middle class families.

The saddest looking little children I have seen recently were being walked up the Woodstock Rd. in Oxford. Four tiny mites in a sort of trolley with three others toddling along holding on to it. They were all wearing hi viz tops, and traffic was whizzing past. None of the children were talking, or seeming to take any notice of their surroundings. The people in charge of them were 3 teenage nursery nurses all talking amongst themselves in a foreign language. I'm afraid I think that those children might have been better looked after if someone had felt able to throw away their career.

I’m 60. In my working life I had to learn to deflect and smile and avoid an endless parade of handsy male colleagues. Twice- once while working as a bar maid, and then later on in a professional role, I had male colleagues stalk me and follow me home. In neither case was any action taken against the offender. No young woman would put up with any of this now I hope.

@Scotiasdarlingyour point about choosing to give up a career to stay at home with children is perfectly valid but you ruined it with your dreadful projection in your description of the poor wee silent children cruelly farmed out by their uncaring mothers. We need to support each others choices not knock each other down.

I can't really believe that that was in my lifetime.

But even more incredible was that it only became illegal for a man to rape his wife in the 90s.

And it was a snapshot in time. I am sure there were times when the pp's children looked miserable when she was taking them somewhere! The kids might love those carers.

The level of laddy ‘banter’ at work in the late ‘90’s has all but disappeared in large organisations as far as I can tell.

Much less serious than some of these but I can remember a time when it was pretty uncomfortable for a woman to be in a pub on her own, even to wait for someone, and if you were you were seen as fair game for every passing lech. It was absolutely normal to wait for your friend outside then go in together, and my friends and I were in no way shrinking violets.

I remember bars opening in the 90s that made it an explicit part of their offer that they were supposed to be places you could be on your own as a woman without being hassled- All Bar One and Slug and Lettuce- with designs that were supposed to be light and airy to avoid the feel of a seedy dive and encourage female customers. It seems odd to say it now but I think these places genuinely changed social norms around women in pubs and bars.

I suppose that must make you feel better.

I would say what Scotiasdarling observed is an inconvienent truth. Long hours of childcare are not good for under 3s.

To be honest not much. It was considered fine for colleagues/boss to grope me in the late 80s/early 90s so I’d hope that doesn’t happen now.

I expect @igelkott2026 is as happy in her parenting decisions as you are @Scotiasdarling Give it a rest.

I’m 42, rape in a marriage was made illegal in my lifetime.
my mum’s internalised misogyny feels very of her time (she’s 79)

Not legal differences but social ones- I’m 49. At secondary school ( 1990s) some boys would often grab at the girls, lift skirts, try to shove a hand down your blouse. It was horrible. Complaints from the girls led to the girls having to sit at the front of class. No other action taken. This would rightly be considered assault now.
As a junior manager ( large national retailer) I always made the tea and tided up after meetings etc. I sometimes mentioned male peers taking a turn. This was considered hilarious .
Another change is the lads mags that were everywhere on the 90s! I think they contributed to the idea that girls should be ‘ up for anything’ . Teen girls commonly had boyfriends in their 20s and 30s. It was a pretty sleazy time.

@AgeingDoc , in the days when you had to wear (scrubs) dresses in theatre, what were you expected to wear on your legs?

I thought the idea was that everything was clean, so presumably not your own stockings or tights.

Born in 1965. Constant sexual harassment, at work and in public. Being constantly wolf whistled at and shouted at in the street. It was endless and started when you were about 12. Very rare for a woman or girl to go out running, you’d be catcalled for miles. It felt very unsafe all the time.
Some things have improved (the latter!) but I don’t think it’s improved fundamentally, it’s just gone online.