How does everyone teach their kids about money?

[Wonderingaboutthing]

I’m wondering what other people do about teaching their kids about money and its value.

By way of context, we’re a quite well off family, kids 8 and 10. Not billionaires, but kids are in private schools, nice holidays etc. if I want to buy something (within reason, not a yacht), i can buy it. I want to say upfront we are definitely not snobby - we have a really mixed group of friends so the kids know not everyone lives the same way but also they don’t really care, their mates are people who they like hanging out with, not who has the best trainers or poshest house or whatever.

Other bit of context is i grew up quite poor. We never had new clothes or nice things or holidays and I felt this keenly as a child, not least that I was horribly bullied for never having the right stuff. It made me very ambitious and I’ve worked really hard and have a successful career. So growing up I never had any money but I will say my parents were always very generous with what they had.

Husband raised much more wealthy, private school, nice cars etc. but he was raised with constant stress about money, constantly discussing it. Even now he’s sometimes thrifty to the point of it being ridiculous, eg: spending 2 hours on local buses getting back from a kids’ party with eldest son to avoid getting a £6 uber (which we can easily afford).

Anyway at this stage in life I just want to enjoy the fruits of my labour. I want to go to amazing places with my kids, i want to go to nice restaurants and i want to share this with my friends. I like to treat people to share my good luck (often pay for dinner when out etc).

But I’m not sure this is a great example for my kids. Like, they don’t have a clue about money. Regularly on a weeknight they might just ask to go to a restaurant for dinner or get deliveroo. Or when out they will ask for drinks and snacks - they aren’t bad kids, they don’t throw tantrums, but if I say no usually i’d say something like ‘it’s not healthy to have too many snacks’ because if i said ‘it’s too much money’ they’d just be so confused as they don’t understand budgets. And also they know that of course I could afford another juice or snack so why am I saying it’s too expensive?

On the one hand I want them to enjoy our life (that I worked hard for!). I want to teach them the value of being generous and kind, and not stressing about money like my husband does. I want them to understand money doesn’t bring happiness.

But I’m not sure at what age they need to start getting it. I tried giving them pocket money but it burned a hole in their pockets and they rushed out to spend it all on sweets and things as soon as they got it so they didn’t really learn anything from that. They aren’t hugely materialistic kids - both mainly just want to be climbing trees outside so it’s not like they are begging for a certain toy or anything I can get them to save up for.

I’m not worried they are going to be stuck-up as actually them not ‘seeing’ money means they don’t look at the world through that lens. Their mates are just their mates. But I do worry they need to understand the value of budgeting?

Chores for pocket money and saying no even if easily affordable. Never sate their desire for stuff too quickly.

We explained actual economics but then again DH did teach a module of it though not his subject and I did take a module at University for credit.

DH and his sister are opposite ends regarding money, she is a shocking spender and has made a lot of ridiculous choices. So same environment but very different outcomes.

They have no context.

Do you have a budget every month even if it's large ?
Most people do even v welrhy people .

We are most certainly not ,we have a spreadsheet with our monthly outgoings bills all broken down into water council tax.
Then we have food costs per month we work to a budget.
Each month we both put money into our holiday pots on Monzo and Christmas ,birthday and more pots for general school costs and so on..

They see this every so often.
I remind them when we go on holiday it's not on a credit card ( we may have brought on one of course for cover ) that we have paid it all from savings each month.

They both have bank card from early age and always saves a small proportion of bday or Xmas money and they can see that growing.
They see their money building up.
They do want things and are motivated to save for stuff we can't afford or don't want to buy.

They had pocket money and blew it for a while but they don't want too once they see their bank account grow and they want stuff.

They have self invested personal pensions with small amounts in stock and shares and they choose the funds with guidance. They undertsnd we don't buy single company stocks we buy funds.

I talk to them about investing and I've explained how the capital pot grows and you can skim off.

They are late teens and it was the younger one I felt was more impulsive so I did get her the bank account sooner and she's really good now ( touch wood).

Out and about or on weekend they know we have a set amount of money we can spend on fun things and if we have that in our budget we can spend it

If we don't we don't but we usually do. That clause has to go in because I used to spend to much and DH (richer background ), was scared and anxious to spend a penny.

So ring fencing fun money worked for us both ! I know what we can spend and he does. .
DC also know it's important to have separate fun money to be spent without worrying.

This all came about because of a few things.

1. very old mn threads about people arguing over whether to get a hot chocolate at a Christmas fair !
2. the 2006 credit crisis / DH low wage etc trapped.
3. DC given small inheritance into their junior ISA and I don't want them to blow it at 18

I realised unless I put the work in from a young age ,why wouldn't they blow it !
They won't now (hopefully ) because they understand that money is a tool to make more money and if they hang onto their capital it can pay them money like a wage.

We did this with DNephew 7 recently. He got extra change from me and grandparents then spent most of it up the high street but persuaded my mum to buy his brother (2) who was with us some toys. Very exciting for him spending it though.

Toys were from pop up second hand charity place.

We gave ours pocket money from about 5. When they about they could earn extra by doing small household tasks.
When they started 6th form they got a monthly allowance paid into their bank account that had to cover all their expenses such as socialising with friends, clothes, fuel for their car etc. If they ran out tough. They had to wait until ‘pay’ day.

pocket money should be for them to spend on whatever they want though. the whole point is that they can go to the shop and buy sweets/a comic/whatever kids buy now. but when it is gone it is gone and there is no more, and you need to stick to that.

My DD had a free Revolut card from a young age, so that she could spend her pocket money. I gave her £10 a week, I put £5 away for her and she had £5 to spend. She had to load and unload the dishwasher and take her laundry out to the machine each week.

When she started college, I gave her the £30 a week maintenance that XH pays for her. I told her that it was for her travel, social life etc and when it was gone I wouldn't be giving any more (I paid separately for college lunches). Initially she blew it all each week on tshirts and funko pops, but at some point she said "there is nothing that I want to buy" and she started to save it.

She is now selling stuff on vinted and putting the money away for Uni.

They can only learn the lessons if you let them.

I was brought up in a farming environment where there was no money, so I am used to second hand, jumble sales and not buying brands. I have brought DD up to be the same. No point in spending £30 for black shorts with a teeny tiny Nike logo on when you can get plain black at Asda for £5. She sees the sense in not paying a fortune just for a brand name.

I was also brought up to save for what you want, not to get into debt buying things you don't need, so have also brought DD up the same way.

You sound sensible, so I think you need to start with the pocket money, they save half and spend half (2 separate accounts). If they want more they do extra chores to earn it.

And also explain that you may have money, but if you constantly spent it on takeaways etc that it would soon run out.