Do your children send their dad’s gf/fiancée/wife a Mother’s Day card?

[POAPITA]

If so how did you feel about it the first time, assuming you knew about it?

Dd is 17. Her father is getting married later this year to a woman he’s known three years. They’ve lived together for two. Dd goes there once a week at most but often doesn’t see her dad for three weeks at a time. Eldest, adult DD can’t stand her and is very vocal about it.
ExH told dd17 that he expects her to get his fiancée a Mother’s Day card. She has two kids of her own so she would get cards from them both.

My own mum has always said Mother’s Day is just for your mum. Not grandmothers or other female relatives and I’ve always thought the same. “Like a mum” if you haven’t got a mum and MILs excepted I think. Personally I didn’t get my ex-MIL a card but my name might have gone on the one from exH if he sent one, which I doubt.

Admittedly this morning I was upset over something else (bereavement) and hadn’t yet been given a card by dd when she announced she needed to buy her dad’s fiancée a card. Mine was bought last minute after spending hours in the local city where she had ample opportunity and money to buy me something. I’m talking £5 max including the card. She almost didn’t get me one at all. Instead she’s spent all her money on taking her boyfriend out to the cinema and for a meal so I’m a little miffed but appreciate I might be being unreasonable to be so.

Her dad lived with someone else for 8 years after me and wanted to marry her too, considered her children his like he does with his fiancée but there were never any cards on Mother’s Day. So this year I was a little surprised and hurt that his fiancée was going to get a card. Dd says she does a lot for her. She adds her order to the family take away and sometimes cooks her dinner. She barely sees her.

So I’m probably being totally unreasonable but just wanted to hear from others how they felt about it if it had happened to them. If she was a really loving, supportive person I’d feel differently but after how she’s treated my eldest I don’t feel very warmly towards her at all and am surprised that dd does seeing as her sister has been so badly treated.

I understand why you’re a bit upset but your DD is 17 and you need to leave her to it. It’s not as deep as you think. She’s been made to feel like she should get her dad’s partner a card, so she’s getting her one. I don’t think you should get any say in this and I don’t think you should see it as any kind of threat. Her dad asked her to do it so she did. You also sound resentful of the girlfriend even though you clearly split with your ex at least eight years ago and presumably much longer.

I also don’t think you should be annoyed at her not spending a large amount of money on you, or at what point in her shopping trip she bought the card. She chose you a card and bought it. That’s all that matters. It’s not less of a gesture because she didn’t build her day around buying it.

I think it’s shocking that your ex has said this to your daughter.
About 10 years ago my dad ‘suggested’ I should get my step-mum a Mother’s Day card. I asked if he’d be happy for me to get a Father’s Day card for my step-dad. No more was said.
I was 40ish at the time so it was easier for me to stand up for myself than a 17yr old.

My stepsons ( married their dad when 12 and 14. 14 year old lived with us full time) never gave me a Mother’s Day card. Why would they? I’m not their mother.

I’m not resentful of her. I plain don’t like her because of her treatment of dd1 to the point dd won’t have anything to do with her and has been suicidal. Exh was and still is abusive so it’s not a case of me being resentful in that way either. it just hurt a little.