I feel dead inside

[Homeimprovement22]

I feel like I don't care about anything. My weight is bothering me a lot, lifelong comfort eater. Did the jabs but they made me ill so had to stop. Went out for a family meal today and just didnt want to be there. We had a photo taken and I look awful in it. I've got home and gone to bed. I feel really lonely but also want to be by myself all the time. I think my family will wish they hadn't invited me today. Have a psychiatrist appointment this week but I dont know what else they can do for me. Have tried so many different medications for the last 20 years. Dreading work tomorrow and another week starting. Just feel so sad.

So sorry to read this, a lot of it echoes with me especially the weight which I am trying to address day by day.

See how the appointment can help you, it may surprise you.

Hey, I'm feeling the same. Here to chat if you need to xx

Sending hugs xx

I also just hate that I've become that friend who is shit with men/unlucky in love. Haven't had a relationship in 6 years, fell for someone last summer who screwed me over. Went on a rubbish date yesterday. All my friends are coupled up. I dont understand whats so wrong with me that I've been left on the shelf.

maybe start the work with your therapist to get to where you are comfortable being you and being single and not needing the relationship to validate your worth. I’m just out of 20 year marriage and I’ll never give away my freedom/control again. Relationships are not all they are cracked up to be either.

You sound depressed OP, despite whatever medications you've been on.
It's good that you're having therapy it's sad not to feel comfortable in your own skin. If it's any comfort there's a lot of us that don't like to see ourselves in photos.
You say you've had a lifetime of comfort food eating, which suggests that you haven't been feeling good about yourself for a long time.
You first have to truly want to make a change in your image and self.
Once you start to feel positive about yourself you'll find an increase in self-confidence, a new energy, and from there it will change your outlook and the way you look, and others will notice.
I'm sorry to read you feel so sad.
I hope the therapy will help you to want to help yourself, let us know how you get on xx.

Not having therapy at the moment, just seeing psychiatrist this week. He will only deal with medication. Finished 3 years of weekly counselling 6 months ago, spent thousands. Have had counselling on and off since I was 15, all sorts of different methods. Think maybe I'm just someone who can't be helped.

I feel so sad but also completely empty and numb like something awful could happen and I wouldnt care.

I completely empathise with how you're feeling, it's soul destroying.
For me, I realised it was a symptom of perimenopause and HRT has made a significant improvement to how I was feeling.

Wish I could blame it on something like that and have an easy fix. Not menopause or let menopause.

Sorry, I didn't mean to come across as dismissive of how you're feeling. I have struggled with depression for the past 13 years, and perimenopause exacerbated the feelings of emptiness/dead inside. Although the HRT has made a difference, it's still a daily struggle and most days I feel like I'm wading through treacle.
I really hope you're able to find the support you need