Mat leave and big work event

[flipadee]

Currently on mat leave with our second DC and wondering how to make this work. We have a big work event coming up in a few months - it lasts the best part of a week and involves lots of daytime meetings followed by evening functions (spread across the city). Normally it’s a case of going to as many different bits as possible and hoping some work comes out of it, but DD will only be about six months old by then and hasn’t yet taken a bottle. This time round I just haven’t found the time to pump. She’s also more clingy to me than our first was - others have said they find it hard to settle her when I’ve popped out very briefly or been attending to our toddler.

My work have said I can go to as much or as little as I feel comfortable with (save for one evening that I definitely need to attend for at least a few hours). I’m torn as on the one hand it’s just one year but on the other it’s normally overseas so in theory it’s a good opportunity. DH and my parents have said they’ll help where they can, but realistically that will involve one or more of them travelling to the city and having to find something to do while I attend some of it, which I can’t really ask them to do for days on end. Does anyone have any wise words on the practicalities?

I can’t tell if it’s overseas or not from your post?

If not, how far away is it?

I would not be doing any of it. Do the one evening.

Are you going to be back from maternity leave then?

if you’re not then you don’t need to go!

If you really want to go then take any help offered. Be open with what you need and let them offer what they are comfortable with.

I wouldn't be doing any of it

I wouldn't go. It sounds like it's a regular thing, maybe annual, so it will be there again next year when you go back to work.

Do you want to go OP? Would you be trying to make things work just to keep your boss happy or because it will be useful or interesting for you personally?

They can’t demand you go for one evening. If it’s far away, it sounds like even that would involve an overnight stay? Is work paying for that?
I wouldn’t be going to any of it tbh.

I assume these would be your KIT days and would be paid? It sounds like your work is being super understanding, so I think it’s good to maintain that goodwill be showing willing. In your shoes I’d look very carefully at the agenda, work out which bits will be the most “valuable” to you (not the company) - eg which ones will have key clients, your own senior management, key training, etc, where you will be noticed and target a few of those. It’s excellent that your DH and parents are so supportive of your career - take them up on their offer. It’s good for everyone to get used to others looking after your DD one on one.

I went to a work conference abroad when on mat leave with DS. My DH and DS came and stayed in the conference hotel and I just popped back to the room discreetly when I had to breastfeed. DH had a nice time taking DS. for walks around a different city. Was lovely for him to get some properly one on one time with DS, and for me to reconnect with my adult professional self.

Thanks, all - sorry, I typed that out in a bit of a hurry!

Sounds bizarre but it's actually very freeing to hear so many of you say it should be fine to just not go. In spite of what work has said I feel like they will read into how much I end up attending and that's got in my head a bit.

The event is in the UK this year when it's normally overseas. I doubt it will be in the UK again during my career, and it's unlikely I'll get budget approval to go again for quite a few more years.

If I weren't on mat leave I'd be very keen to throw myself into it - it's the most important lead generating event for our industry and a rare opportunity to meet some of our overseas clients/partners in person. The problem is that it's quite hard to pick out just one or two meetings that would be particularly valuable. Somehow it seems to come down to meeting with as many people as possible to maximise leads.

All of that makes me think it's going to be really hard for me to do it well in the circumstances. It will take about an hour or so to travel to the city and then I'll need to get to wherever the meetings/events are. So if DD stays at home I'll probably be gone a minimum of 4 hours or so just for a meeting or two. There hasn't been any mention of a hotel or travel expenses (which could help with getting my parents/DH along) as we have an office in that city anyway.

How soon do you need to decide? A lot could change in a few months

I’m not sure what there is for them to be understanding about tbh. The OP is on maternity leave, which is a legal entitlement.

You’re on mat leave. Don’t go. It sounds like a huge faff. I say that as a manager who loves conferences! I wouldn’t expect my staff to go to so much as a team meeting if they didnt want on mst leave.

It’s in your power to say no, but if you do go, you are accepting that you are a “normal” member of staff for the time being. I don’t think there is any leverage for expenses for your DH or DM.

As it’s only an hour away, might the evening dinner be easiest if you can get there after bed time?

Understanding because they are offering her the opportunity to attend something that sounds potentially very important professionally, in whatever way works for her, rather than sidelining her while she’s on mat leave, as happens to so many women. The right to have KIT days exists for a reason.

You're on mat leave. Don't go. Go next year when you're back in work.

You'll still be officially on Mat leave so the bottom line is from a work point of view, if you go to NONE of the event it will be perfectly FINE from your employers point of view.

From a personal point of view it sounds like going might be helpful for you being abreast on what is going on in the industry when you get back from mat leave. In this case, I'd just see where things are at nearer the time. Your baby might be very happy with her grandparents, taking expressed milk or formula from a sippy cup or bottle alongside some solids, in which case you could probably be away for most of the day and everything would be fine. Or she could be flatly refusing to be comforted by anyone that wasn't you and refusing to take any food or drink that wasn't milk fresh from the breast! Just see where you are up to nearer the time (and work on offering bottles and/or a sippy cup regularly from soon, if you want to be able to go!)

She explains that it’s only in the UK this year which may never happen again in her career and she’s very unlikely to get the budget to go abroad for it for many years to come. This is a one off situation. It’s often not as black and white as just “don’t go”.

You are on maternity leave.
Say no.