Ghosting people

[crazystar]

After a few toxic relationships over the years, I’ve realised I tend to just ghost people if I don’t really like them or don’t gel with them.

I don’t mean close friends, more new friendships or people I meet through school/activities etc. If something feels off or a bit draining, I just quietly step back and stop engaging.

Part of me wonders if it’s unhealthy or avoidant. Another part of me feels like life is busy and I don’t have the energy to force connections that don’t feel natural.

Does anyone else do this after having a few difficult relationships, or is it something I should try to change?

RSD?

In my opinion and experience, it’s better to trust your instincts and do what you do, than flog a dead horse with a friendship that you’re not into (and is therefore never really a friendship).

What’s the point of being friends with people you really like or gel with? Friendships are meant to be enjoyable. If you have to force a connection or you get no pleasure from someone’s company, I think it’s pretty normal to let it dwindle.

Despite what Mumsnet would have you believe, most people really don’t formally announce to casual acquaintances that they don’t wish to be friends any more. They generally do just make a few excuses not to meet or ignore messages until the other person gets the hint.

Quietly stepping back and not engaging in relationships they no longer want, is what humans have done since time began.

It's not really ghosting as such.

‘Not pursuing friendships with people you don’t like’ really isn’t rejection sensitive dysphoria. Not everything is a condition.

You meet someone you don’t like and don’t pursue a relationship with them? That’s normal human behaviour, not some kind of pathology.

I stop contact with people if I don't enjoy their company and I think it's just a logical thing to do. Really no point in announcing it or dragging out interactions that bring no benefit to you out of guilt or trying to control how others view you.

I'm ghosting a non direct relative at the moment and feel really bad about it, but I'm audhd with depression and just can't face being in contact with them. They want to be in touch because I'm their only living relative, apart from their partner and child, but I'm just not up for that role and the last person on earth suited to the job. I can't explain to them why I can't manage a relationship because they just wouldn't understand and I get sick of my problems being dismissed anyway. Dh phoned them to explain I wasn't well, but they're still trying to get their needs met.

Isn’t this what everyone does if they don’t want or have time for people (that they’re not close to) in their lives anymore? You just gradually contact them less and less until it stops. It’s usually mutual anyway. I’ve never had an acquaintance announce that they no longer wish to have me in their life anymore! That would be weird. They just gradually disappear - people have done it to me & I’ve done it to other people, but most of the time it’s been mutual. However, I did have a good friend who messaged me once saying she didn’t have time to see me or contact me anymore cos her life was just “too crazy”. Made her sound completely self-absorbed, rude and arrogant.

It’s not ghosting if they’re acquaintances.

I’ve ghosted a friend I met up with about a year ago. She was ok but we had a mutual friend (my ex flatmate) who she was desperate for me to speak to but I didn’t want to really.

Yes sometimes friendships just fizzle out. Im not a fan of ghosting but sometimes you have to. People get defensive if you say a reason!