Husband diagnosed with cancer and I’m so scared

[Mustkeeppositive]

Hello,
my husband has just got diagnosed with cancer. Still going through some checks to find what stage/kind of cancer it is but he has other underlying condition making him quite vulnerable for complications. This is very very upsetting and I’m worried sick.
Im trying to stay positive until we know exactly what is going on but I’m so scared for future and for my children who are still school age ( one secondary and one primary).
not sure what I’m trying to get out of posting here but I just needed to let it out as I don’t have any family or friends near me.

I'm sorry to hear that. It must be very worrying. I don't have any advice to give, but people often say this is the worst part, waiting for diagnosis and waiting for a plan. Hopefully things will feel more in your control when you know more. In the meantime, try to just take one hour at a time and don't get too far ahead of yourself. I wish you all the best.

I'm sorry to hear this, no wonder you're worried and scared. I hope all the tests are done soon and you know what you're looking at/treatment options are soon.

You probably feel alone because you can't really talk to your husband about your feelings (you won't want to worry him). You can talk to us, though, and lots of people will have positive experiences ❤️

What cancer is it?

Edit - by what cancer I mean where in the body. Don't answer if you don't want to. I thought it would give others with positive stories an opportunity to give those stories

Sorry to hear this OP, I've been through it and it's a scary time.

On a practical side OP, what is the situation with your mortgage? Did you take out critical illness and life insurance with the loan? Critical illness will pay out for cancer and it gives you a good lump sum to cover you through difficult times.

I'll keep you in my thoughts and I hope your DH's cancer has been caught early.

The worst bit is this waiting/uncertainty bit. I was diagnosed with stage 3 melanoma in summer of 2024. I’m still here, still ticking along, for most cancers, treatment is excellent now and things are very different than what they used to be.

I would caution against doing too much googling. Everything I googled sent me into a complete spiral as melanoma is a particularly aggressive cancer (and I have an especially aggressive type of melanoma). But the reality is that treatment has changed so quickly for many cancers in the past 5-10 years that the statistics you see online are no longer accurate. Outcomes are much better than that.

What I would recommend is reaching out to Macmillan or to an organisation that supports people with his specific cancer, when you know and when you’re ready. See if there is a Facebook group where people share information. That’s been invaluable for me to talk to people dealing with the same thing and I ask questions about treatment and side effects. It’s been such a lovely source of support for me. It took me about a year to do it because I had to get my head around it all first, though probably should have done it sooner.

Try as much as you can (assuming he feels well) to just get on with things and stay busy.

Big hug @Mustkeeppositive

I remember the feeling of total helplessness when my wife was diagnosed. The fear of what might come next, and my brain going down rabbit holes.

As others have said, try to take it bit by bit. Make notes when you go to appointments as you won't remember as much as you think you will. Don't be afraid to ask questions if you are not clear about what you are being told.

Try not to 'catastrophise'. I would avoid Google for the moment too, that way lies madness. Many forms of cancer are much more treatable these days, but obviously it is a very worrying time.

Again, a big hug to you and your family.

Thank you all.
Its oesophaagas cancer and yes google make me feel so worried so I’ll stop googling…

again, thank you all for your kind words and advice.

A family friend of ours had oesophageal cancer about 6 years ago. It was a tough surgery and treatment but he is now healthier than he ever has been. Try to focus on the positive outcomes such as this one. He was about 70 when diagnosed with other health conditions but as I say, doing very well!

I'm so sorry. I hope his treatment goes well and that he makes a good recovery. Would your mum or his mum be able to come to stay with you?

Hi, just wanted to say a family member was diagnosed with cancer in the same area last year. They had chemotherapy which was very successful and are now recovering very well. Sending you positivity x

I'm so sorry to hear your DH is ill. It is a very scary time, and I fully understand what it feels like to receive such a shock.

I was in your shoes almost three years ago and our three DC were at secondary school.

Once you find out exactly what cancer your DH has, at least you will know what you are dealing with. The not knowing is absolute torture, and you can tie yourself up in knots going over every scenario possible.

I would speak to your children's schools and make them aware of the situation. I did this, and they were so incredibly understanding and supportive.

Do you have any mum friends at school or neighbours you could confide in?

Please free to come on here and offload if you need to. MN is absolutely amazing when anyone is in a difficult situation, and there will always be someone here to listen and offer virtual support.

<<Hugs>>

Thank you all for your kind words and some positive stories!

My parents in laws are old and they also have some health issues, so my husband asked me not to mention his diagnosis to them for now, so as not to worry them. My family lives far away, overseas so they won’t be able to come over.

Having posted and off loaded my worries here, and received such warm and kind messages from everyone has made me feel less stressed for now though.

Thank you so much and have a lovely evening 😊

Oh @Mustkeeppositive
My husband was diagnosed with oesophageal cancer 18 months ago and I remember the terror only too well but this is the absolute worst time.
once you know what you are dealing with it somehow seems a tiny bit more manageable.
my husband had his tumour removed by a procedure through his mouth and he is now completely cancer free.
please please take each minute as it comes and feel free to message if you want to.
sending lots of love

Sending huge hugs OP. The start is the worst bit! Once you know what you’re dealing with and get a plan of action you’ll feel much more settled.
Agree with the no googling advice. Only look at MacMillan or NHS info if you need to. Ring MacMillan, they are absolutely brilliant, they offer lots of different support: financial and medical.

Just wanted to say so sorry you are going through this op. Look after yourself. You must be scared, and feeling out of control but you can be kind to yourself and that will help you over the next few days and weeks. Just take it a day at a time, and reach out to people, and lean on them. They won't mind and it will help.

I have been in cancer treatment for about 18 months, it’s been a strangely beautiful period with so much love and care from (most) people.
definitely get hold of macmillian and get support rolling, there is so much available and as others say, treatments are advancing so fast now. The NHS has been outstanding for me and others I know. hang in there and don’t isolate yourselves, people really do want to help, let them

As it is oesophageal cancer would you feel able to get practical and to start researching suitable foods and recipes? It might help you to feel you're supporting him.
I hope his treatment will start soon and be successful.

I really am so sorry sorry, it’s horrible! Has he gone to the doctors quite early when he noticed symptoms? Wishing you both the best

I am currently going through chemo. I can recommend contacting the Macmillion Cancer Support helpline as and when. it’s open seven days a week between They there for family as well as those with. be as kind to yourselves as you can as others have said all the tests and similar really are tough. hopefully he will know what it is and have a treatment plan soon. take it from me that is not as awful as you imagine and tbh the staff in hospital cancer centres do know how stressful the whole thing can be and really do all they can to encourage, support, allow you to ask questions and signpost you to support.

Some have cancer care support centres attached to the main cancer care centre clinic that can signpost on all the extra stuff that cancer makes you fret over and a few areas offer charity run cancer care centres that are outside of the hospital setting. I have one near me and it really makes a difference to have a safe space to retreat to that is not on hospital grounds.

Hoping all goes well well for you both as it can.