How long do you wait for a confirmation of a dinner date?

[27TimesAway]

A friend texted me last Thurday and suggested we meet up to have dinner with her new man. She said she was good either today or Wednesday.

I said - great. I could do either days, let me know.

I heard nothing. I texted yesterday- is it still on and where. Monday or Wednesday?

Got a text saying yes 100% still on. Either Monday or Wednesday, tbc.

This morning I texted her and said 'tonight or Wednesday?' Also tried to call her but went to voicemail.

Tried to call her, as if it's tonight then I have to arrange some logistics with Dcs about after school clubs etc

No answer and sent another message just now with no answer.

I know I am about 5 hours out of a meeting but it's now rapidly getting to the point where it's going to be too much trouble and I'm not sure how many times I can try and pin things down.

Granted-i like a firm plan. This friend has always been a bit flakey and likes to cancel- last time on a trip we were meant to do to France where she simply did not turn up at the eurostar and we were trying to get hold of her. Do I assume it is on? Do I hang around and change everything with my household to jump if she says jump?

Are people generally this ignorant about other people's time? Do I assume she is in a shagging stupor and has no idea that other people need to know what demands are being made upon them regarding their time?

Assume it is not on. If she contacts you to say otherwise, tell her firmly that it's too late to change your plans now and you have been trying to get confirmation from her for several days. Don't let her treat you badly.

I would guess it not happening , say you have made other plans. . Also don’t make any more arrangements with her.

Thing is she is lovely but doolally. And this is the first guy since she was tragically widowed 3 years ago.

But I just can't sit around all day wonderin. I have things to do and sort and organise and DH isnt here right now so I have things to arrange, I just can't say 'take over' to someone.

I'm going to leave it until 3 pm which is the very last time I can make arrangements then send a message saying 'Can't do it'.

I've ended relationships over less. Can't do with it. Decide and text, end of!!

Just text her and say "I've assumed it's not tonight please confirm ASAP re Wednesday as I need to sort childcare". Drives me nuts when people expect you to hold a date open but don't do the courtesy of confirming.

Thing is she is lovely but doolally.

What exactly does this mean in the context of keeping you waiting, dangling on a piece of string and not being able to sort your childcare?

I'd be ignoring any replies that may eventually grace your inbox.

Words like doolally and flakey are too kind. This behaviour is incredibly selfish.

Yeah you are being a pushover
I would have sacked it off when she didn't confirm yesterday. She's tekkin the piss!

W ell- she texted at around 4 pm to say she and her new man had decided to take a spontaneous trip to Bath and she will call me next week.

That’s terrible! I’d have to bin her off, sad but true!

I don’t know why you sent so many chasers in the first place as you know what she’s like.

If she had got back in touch and you also happened to be free on the night in question, great, otherwise just crack on with your life.

Oh god she sounds like a nightmare and like a pp pointed out, not doolally or anything, it’s selfish behaviour!
I’d not be taking active steps to keep in touch with her.

🙈 OMG! @27TimesAway so sorry, but I did laugh at your update, just knew it was coming!

I do hope she's a lovely pal though and you can forgive her flakiness (well, this time at least)

I have a friend like this - I haven’t actually seen her for around 3 years though, for pretty similar reasons. Lovely girl but impossible to pin down and there is always a drama

I wonder how many other people she had in her orbit on hand wondering if they were to be permitted for her presence today.
Cannot bother with people like this any more.

I have a son like this, except he has his phone in his hand 24/7 while ignoring it but hissing at his phone when it goes off saying fuck off, leave me alone, bloody hell what now, okay okay, stop keeping on, accusations of harassment etc etc and I just think wow if these people could hear you they wouldn’t bother with you.
If I say why don’t you just answer them and they’ll stop? He looks at me as if I have 2 heads.
Usually he is hoping for a better offer but he’ll leave them hanging on just in case his better plans fall through otherwise ‘they really need to go away’ narrative continues.
Do you really need her in your life, because she’s disrespecting you.

That's poor that, she left you in limbo and prioritiesed her new bloke. What does she think, the world revolves around her. I bet you're fuming

What did you have for your tea?

Honestly I couldn't be arsed with this. Don't chase people, it shouldn't be this hard!

She’s not lovely. She’s selfish and inconsiderate.

She is lovely. But hopeless.

Never mind- next time I will not take anything she suggests as a given. I thought it might work this time as she has been so excited about the new guy.

Shove in the oven hunters chicken and a baked potato and sweet corn.

I think she DOES wait for a better offer tbh. All our friends laugh about it. We will make plans and if we need numbers we will say 'So that's 5 of us, but 4 really because [xx] won't turn up'.

I was a bit frustrated yesterday but tbh it's fine. By the time I got to posting I had lost interest in going anyway.

Next time just say let me know by X time because I also have a life.